Enter AQUILINA and her Maid.
868Tell him I am gone to bed: tell him I am not at home;
869tell him I've better company with me, or anything; tell him, in
870short, I will not see him, the eternal, troublesome, vexatious
871fool: he's worse company than an ignorant physician –I'll not
872be disturbed at these unseasonable hours.
873But madam! He's here already, just entered the doors.
874Turn him out again, you unnecessary, useless, giddy-brained
875ass! If he will not begone, set the house a-fire and burn
876us both: I had rather meet a toad in my dish than that old
877hideous animal in my chamber to-night.
878Nacky, Nacky, Nacky –how dost do, Nacky? Hurry
879durry. I am come, little Nacky; past eleven o'clock, a late
880hour; time in all conscience to go bed, Nacky –Nacky, did I
881say? Ay Nacky; Aquilina, lina, lina, quilina, quilina, quilina,
882Aquilina, Naquilina, Naquilina, Acky, Acky, Nacky, Nacky,
883Queen Nacky –come let's to bed –you Fubbs, you Pugg you –
884you little Puss –Purree Tuzzey –I am a Senator.
885You are a fool, I am sure.
886May be so too, sweetheart. Never the worse Senator
887for all that. Come Nacky, Nacky, let's have a game at rump,
889You would do well, signor, to be troublesome here no
890longer, but leave me to myself: be sober and go home, sir.
892Ay, home, sir. Who am I?
893Madonna, as I take it you are my –you are –thou art
894my little Nicky Nacky … that's all!
895I find you are resolved to be troublesome, and so to
896make short of the matter in few words, I hate you, detest you,
897loathe you, I am weary of you, sick of you –hang you, you are
898an old, silly, impertinent, impotent, solicitous coxcomb, crazy
899in your head, and lazy in your body, love to be meddling with
900everything, and if you had not money, you are good for nothing.
901Good for nothing! Hurry durry, I'll try that presently.
902Sixty-one years old, and good for nothing: that's brave. –
[To the maid.] Come, come, come, Mistress Fiddle-faddle, turn you
904out for a season; go turn out, I say, it is our will and pleasure
905to be private some moments –out, out when you are bid to. –
[Puts her out and locks the door.]
906Good for nothing, you say.
907Why, what are you good for?
908In the first place, madam, I am old, and consequently
909very wise, very wise, Madonna, d'ye mark that? in the second
910place, take notice, if you please, that I am a Senator, and when
911I think fit can make speeches, Madonna. Hurry durry, I can
912make a speech in the Senate-house now and then –would make
913your hair stand on end, Madonna.
914What care I for your speeches in the Senate-house: if
915you would be silent here, I should thank you.
916Why, I can make speeches to thee too, my lovely
917Madonna; for example –my cruel fair one.
[Takes out a purse of gold and at every pause shakes it.
918Since it is my fate, that you should with your servant angry
919prove; tho' late at night –I hope 'tis not too late with this to
920gain reception for my love –there's for thee, my little Nicky
921Nacky –take it, here take it –I say take it, or I'll throw it at your
922head –how now, rebel!
923Truly, my illustrious Senator, I must confess your
924honour is at present most profoundly eloquent indeed.
925Very well; come, now let's sit down and think upon't
926a little –come sit I say – sit down by me a little, my Nicky
927Nacky, ha! –
[Sits down.] Hurry durry –good for nothing –
929No, sir, if you please I can know my distance and
931Stand: how? Nacky up and I down! Nay, then, let
932me exclaim with the poet,
Show me a case more pitiful who can,
A standing woman, and a falling man.
935Hurry durry –not sit down –see this, ye gods –You won't sit
938Then look you now, suppose me a bull, a basan-bull,
939the bull of bulls, or any bull. Thus up I get and with my brows
940thus bent –I broo, I say I broo, I broo, I broo. You won't sit
941down, will you? –I broo –
[Bellows like a bull, and drive her about.
942Well, sir, I must endure this.
[She sits down.] Now your
943honour has been a bull, pray what beast will your worship please
944to be next?
945Now I'll be a Senator again, and thy lover, little Nicky
[He sits by her.] Ah toad, toad, toad, toad! spit in
948my face a little, Nacky –spit in my face prithee, spit in my face,
949never so little: spit but a little bit –spit, spit, spit, spit, when
950you are bid, I say; do prithee spit –now, now, now, spit: what,
951you won't spit, will you? Then I'll be a dog.
952A dog, my lord?
953Ay, a dog –and I'll give thee this t'other purse to let
954me be a dog –and to use me like a dog a little. Hurry durry –
955I will –here 'tis.
[Gives the purse.
956Well, with all my heart. But let me beseech your
957dogship to play your tricks over as fast as you can, that you may
958come to stinking the sooner, and be turned out of doors as you
960Ay, ay –no matter for that –that –
[He gets under the table] –shan't move me –Now, bow wow wow, bow
[Barks like a dog.
963Hold, hold, hold, sir, I beseech you: what is't you do?
964If curs bite, they must be kicked, sir. Do you see, kicked thus.
965Ay, with all my heart: do kick, kick on, now I am
966under the table, kick again –kick harder –harder yet, bow wow
967wow, wow, bow –'od I'll have a snap at thy shins –bow wow
968wow, wow, bow –'od she kicks bravely. –
969Nay, then I'll go another way to work with you: and
970I think here's an instrument fit for the purpose.
[Fetches a whip and bell.
971What, bite your mistress, sirrah! out, out of doors, you dog, to
972kennel and be hanged –bite your mistress by the legs, you
[She whips him.
974Nay, prithee Nacky, now thou art too loving: Hurry
975durry, 'od I'll be a dog no longer.
976Nay, none of your fawning and grinning: but be gone,
977or here's the discipline: what, bite your mistress by the legs,
978you mongrel? out of doors –hout, hout, to kennel, sirrah! go.
979This is very barbarous usage, Nacky, very barbarous:
980look you, I will not go –I will not stir from the door, that I
981resolve –hurry durry, what, shut me out?
[She whips him out.
982Ay, and if you come here any more to-night I'll have
983my footmen lug you, you cur: what, bite your poor mistress
985Heavens, madam! What's the matter?
[He howls at the door like a dog.
986Call my footmen hither presently.
Enter two Footmen.
987They are here already, madam, the house is all alarmed
988with a strange noise, that nobody knows what to make of.
989Go all of you and turn that troublesome beast in the
990next room out of my house –If I ever see him within these walls
991again, without my leave for his admittance, you sneaking rogues,
992I'll have you poisoned all, poisoned, like rats; every corner of
993the house shall stink of one of you; go, and learn hereafter to
994know my pleasure. So now for my Pierre:
Thus when godlike lover was displeased,
We sacrifice our fool and he's appeased.