Every Man In His Humor

6Nothing but e'en come to see how you do, uncle.

7That's kindly done. You are welcome, cousin.

8Ay, I know that, sir; I would not have come else. How doth my cousin, uncle?

9Oh, well, well. Go in and see. I doubt he's scarce stirring yet.

10Uncle, afore I go in, can you tell me an he have e'er a book of the sciences of hawking and hunting? I would fain borrow it.

11Why, I hope you will not a-hawking now, will you?

12No, wusse, but I'll practice against next year. I have bought me a hawk and bells and all; I lack nothing but a book to keep it by.

13Oh, most ridiculous!

14Nay, look you now, you are angry, uncle. Why, you know, an a man have not skill in hawking and hunting nowadays, I'll not give a rush for him. He is for no gentleman's company; and, by God's will, I scorn it, I, so I do, to be a consort for every humdrum. Hang them, scroyles! There's nothing in them in the world. What do you talk on it? A gentleman must show himself like a gentleman. Uncle, I pray you be not angry. I know what I have to do, I trow; I am no novice.

18Gentlemen, God save you.

19Welcome, good friend. We do not stand much upon our gentility, yet I can assure you mine uncle is a man of a thousand pound land a year. He hath but one son in the world; I am his next heir, as simple as I stand here, if my cousin die. I have a fair living of mine own, too, beside.

20In good time, sir.

21"In good time, sir"? You do not flout, do you?

22Not I, sir.

23An you should, here be them can perceive it, and that quickly too. Go to. And they can give it again soundly, an need be.

24Why, sir, let this satisfy you. Good faith, I had no such intent.

25By God, an I thought you had, sir, I would talk with you.

26So you may, sir, and at your pleasure.

27And so I would, sir, an you were out of mine uncle's ground, I can tell you.

28Why, how now, cousin, will this ne'er be left?

29Whoreson base fellow! By God's lid, an 'twere not for shame, I would —

31I pray you, sir, is this Pazzi house?

32Yes, marry, is it, sir.

33I should inquire for a gentleman here, one Signor Lorenzo di Pazzi. Do you know any such, sir, I pray you?

34Yes, sir, or else I should forget myself.

35I cry you mercy, sir. I was requested by a gentleman of Florence, having some occasion to ride this way, to deliver you this letter.

36To me, sir? What do you mean? I pray you, remember your court'sy. [He reads.]"To his dear and most elected friend, Signor Lorenzo di Pazzi." [To the Servingman]What might the gentleman's name be, sir, that sent it? Nay, pray you, be covered.

37Signor Prospero.

38Signor Prospero? A young gentleman of the family of Strozzi, is he not?

39Ay, sir, the same. Signor Thorello, the rich Florentine merchant, married his sister.

40You say very true. [Calling]Musco!

41Sir?

42Make this gentleman drink here. [To the Servingman]I pray you, go in, sir, an't please you.

[He reads.]"Sirrah Lorenzo, I muse we cannot see thee at Florence. 'Sblood, I doubt Apollo hath got thee to be his ingle, that thou commest not abroad to visit thine old friends. Well, take heed of him Apollo; he may do somewhat for his household servants or so, but for his retainers, I am sure I have known some of them that have followed him three, four, five year together, scorning the world with their bare heels, and at length been glad for a shift — though no clean shift — to lie a whole winter in half a sheet, cursing Charles' Wain and the rest of the stars intolerably. But quis contra divos? Well, sirrah, sweet villain, come and see me. But spend one minute in my company and 'tis enough. I think I have a world of good jests for thee. Oh, sirrah, I can show thee two of the most perfect, rare, and absolute true gulls that ever thou saw'st, if thou wilt come. 'Sblood, invent some famous, memorable lie or other to flap thy father in the mouth withal. Thou hast been father of a thousand in thy days; thou couldst be no poet else. Any scurvy, roguish excuse will serve; say thou com'st but to fetch wool for thine inkhorn. And then, too, thy father will say thy wits are a-woolgathering. But it's no matter; the worse, the better. Anything is good enough for the old man. Sirrah, how if thy father should see this now? What would he think of me? Well, however I write to thee, I reverence him in my soul for the general good all Florence delivers of him. Lorenzo, I conjure thee — by what, let me see — by the depth of our love, by all the strange sights we have seen in our days (ay, or nights either), to come to me to Florence this day. Go to, you shall come, and let your muses go spin for once. If thou wilt not, 'sheart, what's your god's name? Apollo? Ay. — Apollo, if this melancholy rogue Lorenzo here do not come, grant that he do turn fool presently, and never hereafter be able to make a good jest or a blank verse, but live in more penury of wit and invention than either the Hall Beadle or Poet Nuntius."

1Yes, sir, on my word, he opened it and read the contents.

2It scarce contents me that he did so. But Musco, didst thou observe his countenance in the reading of it, whether he were angry or pleased?

3Why, sir, I saw him not read it.

4No? How knowest thou then that he opened it?

5Marry, sir, because he charged me on my life to tell nobody that he opened it, which, unless he had done, he would never fear to have it revealed.

7Oh, Musco, didst thou not see a fellow here in a what-sha'-call-'em doublet? He brought mine uncle a letter even now.

8Yes, sir, what of him?

9Where is he, canst thou tell?

10Why, he is gone.

11Gone? Which way? When went he? How long since?

12It's almost half an hour ago since he rid hence.

13Whoreson Scanderbag rogue! Oh, that I had a horse! By God's lid, I'd fetch him back again, with heave and ho.

14Why, you may have my master's bay gelding, an you will.

15But I have no boots, that's the spite on it.

16Then it's no boot to follow him. Let him go and hang, sir.

17Ay, by my troth. Musco, I pray thee, help to truss me a little. Nothing angers me but I have waited such a while for him, all unlaced and untrussed yonder, and now to see he is gone the other way!

18 [Helping Stephano with his clothing]Nay, I pray you, stand still, sir.

19I will, I will. Oh, how it vexes me!

20Tut, never vex yourself with the thought of such a base follow as he.

21Nay, to see he stood upon points with me, too!

22Like enough so. That was because he saw you had so few at your hose.

23What, hast thou done? God-a-mercy, good Musco.

24I mar'l, sir, you wear such ill-favored coarse stockings, having so good a leg as you have.

25Foh! The stockings be good enough for this time of the year, but I'll have a pair of silk ere it be long. I think my leg would show well in a silk hose.

26Ay, afore God would it, rarely well.

27In sadness, I think it would. I have a reasonable good leg.

28You have an excellent good leg, sir. I pray you pardon me, I have a little haste in, sir.

29A thousand thanks, good Musco. Exit [Musco]. [Lorenzo Jr. laughs over his letter.] [Aside]What? I hope he laughs not at me. An he do —

30 [unaware still of Stephano]Here is a style, indeed, for a man's senses to leap over ere they come at it. Why, it is able to break the shins of any old man's patience in the world. My father read this with patience? Then will I be made an eunuch and learn to sing ballads. I do not deny but my father may have as much patience as any other man, for he uses to take physic, and oft taking physic makes a man a very patient creature. But, Signor Prospero, had your swaggering epistle here arrived in my father's hands at such an hour of his patience — I mean, when he had ta'en physic — it is to be doubted whether I should have read "sweet villain" here. [Noticing Stephano, but not speaking to him]But what? My wise cousin! Nay, then, I'll furnish our feast with one gull more toward a mess. He writes to me of two, and here's one: that's three, i'faith. Oh, for a fourth! Now, Fortune, or never, Fortune!

31[Aside]Oh, now I see who he laughed at: he laughed at somebody in that letter. By this good light, an he had laughed at me, I would have told mine uncle.

32 [Aloud]Cousin Stephano! Good morrow, good cousin. How fare you?

33The better for your asking, I will assure you. I have been all about to seek you; since I came, I saw mine uncle. And, i'faith, how have you done this great while? Good Lord, by my troth, I am glad you are well, cousin.

34And I am glad at your coming, I protest to you, for I am sent for by a private gentleman, my most special dear friend, to come to him to Florence this morning; and you shall go with me, cousin, if it please you, not else. I will enjoin you no further than stands with your own consent and the condition of a friend.

35Why, cousin, you shall command me an 'twere twice so far as Florence, to do you good. What, do you think I will not go with you? I protest —

36Nay, nay, you shall not protest.

37By God, but I will, sir, by your leave; I'll protest more to my friend than I'll speak of at this time.

38You speak very well, sir.

39Nay, not so, neither; but I speak to serve my turn.

40Your turn? Why, cousin, a gentleman of so fair sort as you are, of so true carriage, so special good parts, of so dear and choice estimation, one whose lowest condition bears the stamp of a great spirit? Nay, more, a man so graced, gilded, or rather, to use a more fit metaphor, tinfoiled by nature — not that you have a leaden constitution, coz, although perhaps a little inclining to that temper and so the more apt to melt with pity when you fall into the fire of rage — but for your luster only, which reflects as bright to the world as an old alewife's pewter again' a good time. And will you now, with nice modesty, hide such real ornaments as these, and shadow their glory as a milliner's wife doth her wrought stomacher with a smoky lawn or a black cypress? Come, come, for shame, do not wrong the quality of your desert in so poor a kind, but let the idea of what you are be portrayed in your aspect, that men may read in your looks: "Here within this place is to be seen the most admirable, rare, and accomplished work of nature." Cousin, what think you of this?

41Marry, I do think of it, and I will be more melancholy and gentleman-like than I have been, I do ensure you.

42Why, this is well. [Aside]Now, if I can but hold up this humor in him as it is begun,cazzo for Florence! Match him an she can! — Come, cousin.

43I'll follow you.

44Follow me? You must go before.

45Must I? Nay then, I pray you show me, good cousin.

1I think this be the house. [He knocks.]What ho!

2Who's there? Oh, Signor Matheo! God give you good morrow, sir.

3What, Cob? How dost thou, good Cob? Dost thou inhabit here, Cob?

4Ay, sir, I and my lineage have kept a poor house in our days.

5Thy lineage, Monsieur Cob? What lineage, what lineage?

6Why, sir, an ancient lineage and a princely. Mine ance'try came from a king's loins, no worse man; and yet no man neither, but Herring, the king of fish, one of the monarchs of the world, I assure you. I do fetch my pedigree and name from the first red herring that was eaten in Adam and Eve's kitchen. His cob was my great, great, mighty-great grandfather.

7Why mighty? Why mighty?

8Oh, it's a mighty while ago, sir, and it was a mighty great cob.

9How knowest thou that?

10How know I? Why, his ghost comes to me every night.

11Oh, unsavory jest! The ghost of a herring cob!

12Ay, why not the ghost of a herring cob as well as the ghost of Rashero Bacono? They were both broiled on the coals. You are a scholar; upsolve me that, now.

13Oh, rude ignorance! Cob, canst thou show me of a gentleman, one Signor Bobadilla, where his lodging is?

14Oh, my guest, sir, you mean?

15Thy guest? Alas! Ha, ha!

16Why do you laugh, sir? Do you not mean Signor Bobadilla?

17Cob, I pray thee, advise thyself well; do not wrong the gentleman and thyself too. I dare be sworn he scorns thy house, he. He lodge in such a base, obscure place as thy house? Tut, I know his disposition so well, he would not lie in thy bed if thou'dst give it him.

18I will not give it him. Mass, I thought somewhat was in it; we could not get him to bed all night. Well, sir, though he lie not on my bed, he lies on my bench. An't please you to go up, sir, you shall find him with two cushions under his head and his cloak wrapped about him as though he had neither won nor lost, and yet I warrant he ne'er cast better in his life than he hath done tonight.

19Why, was he drunk?

20Drunk, sir? You hear me not say so. Perhaps he swallowed a tavern token or some such device, sir. I have nothing to do withal; I deal with water and not with wine. [Calling offstage]Give me my tankard there, ho! — God be with you, sir. It's six o'clock; I should have carried two turns by this. [Calling offstage]What ho! My stopple, come!

21Lie in a waterbearer's house, a gentleman of his note? Well, I'll tell him my mind.

22What, Tib, show this gentleman up to Signor Bobadilla.

23Hostess! Hostess!

24What say you, sir?

25A cup of your small beer, sweet hostess.

26Sir, there's a gentleman below would speak with you.

27A gentleman! Godso, I am not within.

28My husband told him you were, sir.

29What a plague! What meant he?

30 (Within)Signor Bobadilla!

31 [Calling]Who's there? — Take away the basin, good hostess. — Come up, sir!

32 [Calling down as though to Matheo]He would desire you to come up, sir. [Enter Matheo [with a book]. You come into a cleanly house here.

33 [To Bobadilla]God save you sir, God save you.

34Signor Matheo, is't you, sir? Please you sit down.

35I thank you, good signor; you may see I am somewhat audacious.

36Not so, signor. I was requested to supper yesternight by a sort of gallants, where you were wished for and drunk to, I assure you.

37Vouchsafe me by whom, good signor.

38Marry, by Signor Prospero and others. — Why, hostess, a stool here for this gentleman.

39No haste, sir, it is very well.

40Body of me, it was so late ere we parted last night I can scarce open mine eyes yet; I was but new risen as you came. How passes the day abroad, sir? You can tell.

41Faith, some half hour to seven. Now trust me, you have an exceeding fine lodging here, very neat and private.

42Ay, sir, sit down, I pray you. [Exit Tib.] Signor Matheo, in any case possess no gentleman of your acquaintance with notice of my lodging.

43Who, I, sir? No.

44Not that I need to care who know it, but in regard I would not be so popular and general, as some be.

45True, signor, I conceive you.

46For do you see, sir, by the heart of myself, except it be to some peculiar and choice spirits to whom I am extraordinarily engaged, as yourself or so, I would not extend thus far.

47Oh, Lord, sir! I resolve so.

48What new book have you there? What, "Go by, Hieronimo!"?

49Ay, did you ever see it acted? Is't not well penned?

50Well penned? I would fain see all the poets of our time pen such another play as that was. They'll prate and swagger and keep a stir of art and devices, when, by Godso, they are the most shallow, pitiful fellows that live upon the face of the earth again.

51Indeed, here are a number of fine speeches in this book: "O eyes, no eyes, but fountains fraught with tears!" There's a conceit! "Fountains fraught with tears!" "O life, no life, but lively form of death!" Is't not excellent? "O world, no world, but mass of public wrongs!" Oh, God's me! "Confused and filled with murder and misdeeds." Is't not simply the best that ever you heard? Ha? How do you like it?

52'Tis good.

54Nay, proceed, proceed. Where's this? Where's this?

55This, sir? A toy of mine own in my nonage. But when will you come and see my study? Good faith, I can show you some very good things I have done of late. — That boot becomes your leg passing well, sir, methinks.

56So so. It's a fashion gentlemen use.

57Mass, sir, and, now you speak of the fashion, Signor Prospero's elder brother and I are fallen out exceedingly. This other day I happened to enter into some discourse of a hanger, which, I assure you, both for fashion and workmanship was most beautiful and gentleman-like; yet he condemned it for the most pied and ridiculous that ever he saw.

58Signor Giuliano, was it not? The elder brother?

59Ay, sir, he.

60Hang him, rook. He? Why, he has no more judgment than a malt-horse. By Saint George, I hold him the most peremptory, absurd clown — one o'them — in Christendom. I protest to you, as I am a gentleman and a soldier, I ne'er talked with the like of him. He has not so much as a good word in his belly. All iron, iron— a good commodity for a smith to make hobnails on.

61Ay, and he thinks to carry it away with his manhood still where he comes. He brags he will give me the bastinado, as I hear.

62How, the bastinado? How came he by that word, trow?

63Nay, indeed, he said "cudgel" me. I termed it so for the more grace.

64That may be, for I was sure it was none of his word. But when? When said he so?

65Faith, yesterday, they say. A young gallant, a friend of mine, told me so.

66By the life of Pharaoh, an 'twere my case now, I should send him a challenge presently. The bastinado? Come hither, you shall challenge him. I'll show you a trick or two. You shall kill him at pleasure; the first, stoccado, if you will, by this air.

67Indeed, you have absolute knowledge in the mystery, I have heard, sir.

68Of whom? Of whom, I pray?

69Faith, I have heard it spoken of divers that you have very rare skill, sir.

70By heaven, no, not I, no skill in the earth; some small science — know my time, distance, or so. I have professed it more for noblemen and gentlemen's use than mine own practice, I assure you. [Calling offstage]Hostess, lend us another bedstaff here quickly. [He demonstrates fencing maneuvers with a bedstaff.]Look you, sir, exalt not your point above this state at any hand, and let your poniard maintain your defense thus. [Tib enters with another bedstaff for Matheo.] Give it the gentleman. [Tib does so, and exit.] So, sir, come on. [They fence.] Oh, twine your body more about, that you may come to a more sweet, comely, gentleman-like guard. [They fence again.] So, indifferent. Hollow your body more, sir, thus. [He demonstrates.]Now stand fast on your left leg. Note your distance; keep your due proportion of time. [Matheo tries.] Oh, you disorder your point most vilely!

71 [Trying again]How is the bearing of it now, sir?

72Oh, out of measure ill. A well experienced man would pass upon you at pleasure.

73How mean you, "pass upon" me?

74Why, thus, sir. Make a thrust at me; come in upon my time; control your point, and make a full career at the body. The best-practiced gentlemen of the time term it the passado — a most desperate thrust, believe it.

75Well, come, sir.

76Why, you do not manage your weapons with that facility and grace that you should do. I have no spirit to play with you; your dearth of judgment makes you seem tedious.

77But one veny, sir.

78Fie, "veny"! Most gross denomination as ever I heard! Oh, the stoccado, while you live, signor, note that. Come, put on your cloak, and we'll go to some private place where you are acquainted, some tavern or so, and we'll send for one of these fencers, where he shall breathe you at my direction, and then I'll teach you that trick you shall kill him with it at the first, if you please. Why, I'll learn you, by the true judgment of the eye, hand, and foot, to control any man's point in the world. Should your adversary confront you with a pistol, 'twere nothing; you should, by the same rule, control the bullet, most certain, by Phoebus, unless it were hail-shot. What money have you about you, sir?

79Faith, I have not past two shillings or so.

80'Tis somewhat with the least. But come. When we have done, we'll call up Signor Prospero. Perhaps we shall meet with Corydon his brother there.

1Piso, come hither. There lies a note within upon my desk; here, take my key. It's no matter, neither. Where's the boy?

2Within, sir, in the warehouse

3Let him tell over that Spanish gold and weigh it. And do you see the delivery of those wares to Signor Bentivole. I'll be there myself at the receipt of the money anon.

4Very good, sir.

5Brother, did you see that same fellow there?

6Ay, what of him?

7He is e'en the honestest faithful servant that is this day in Florence — I speak a proud word now — and one that I durst trust my life into his hands, I have so strong opinion of his love, if need were.

8God send me never such need! But you said you had somewhat to tell me. What is't?

12You are too tedious. Come to the matter, come to the matter.

14Faith, I know not what I should say to him. So God save me, I am e'en at my wit's end. I have told him enough, one would think, if that would serve. Well, he knows what to trust to for me. Let him spend, and spend, and domineer till his heart ache. An he get a penny more of me, I'll give him this ear.

16'Sblood, he mads me! I could eat my very flesh for anger. I mar'l you will not tell him of it, how he disquiets your house.

20 [To Bobadilla]I will speak to him.

21 [To Matheo]Speak to him? Away, by the life of Pharaoh! You shall not, you shall not do him that grace. [To Thorello]The time of day to you, gentleman. Is Signor Prospero stirring?

22How then? What should he do?

23 [Ignoring Giuliano]Signor Thorello, is he within, sir?

24He came not to his lodging tonight, sir, I assure you.

25 [To Bobadilla]Why, do you hear? You!

26This gentleman hath satisfied me. I'll talk to no scavenger.

27How, "scavenger"? Stay, sir, stay!

28 [Restraining him]Nay, brother Giuliano.

30You shall not follow him now, I pray you. Good faith, you shall not.

31Ha! "Scavenger"? Well, go to. I say little, but by this good day - God forgive me I should swear — if I put it up so, say I am the rankest — that ever pissed! 'Sblood, an I swallow this, I'll ne'er draw my sword in the sight of man again while I live. I'll sit in a barn with Madge Owlet first. "Scavenger"? Heart, and I'll go near to fill that huge tumbrel slop of yours with somewhat, an I have good luck; your Gargantua breech cannot carry it away so.

32Oh, do not fret yourself thus! Never think on't.

33These are my brother's consorts, these! These are his cumrades, his walking mates! He's a gallant, a cavaliero too, right hangman cut! God let me not live an I could not find in my heart to swinge the whole nest of them, one after another, and begin with him first. I am grieved it should be said he is my brother, and take these courses. Well, he shall hear on't, and that tightly too, an I live, i'faith.

Brother Giuliano, I pray you, go in and bear my wife company. I'll but give order to my servants for the dispatch of some business, and come to you presently. Exit Giuliano. [Enter Cob [with a tankard]. What, Cob? Our maids will have you by the back, i'faith, for coming so late this morning.

37Perhaps so, sir. Take heed somebody have not them by the belly for walking so late in the evening.

39Sister Hesperida, I pray you, fetch down the rose-water above in the closet. Exit Hesperida. [To Thorello]Sweetheart, will you come in to breakfast?

41I pray thee, good muss, we stay for you.

43What ail you, sweetheart? Are you not well? Speak, good muss.

45 [Feeling his forehead]O Jesu!

47Good lord, how it burns! Muss, keep you warm. Good truth, it is this new disease; there's a number are troubled withal. For God's sake, sweetheart, come in out of the air.

49I pray thee, good sweetheart, come in. The air will do you harm, in troth.

50I'll come to you presently. It will away, I hope.

51Pray God it do.

1'Sblood, I cannot choose but laugh to see myself translated thus, from a poor creature to a creator; for now must I create an intolerable sort of lies, or else my profession loses his grace. And yet the lie to a man of my coat is as ominous as the fico. Oh, sir, it holds for good policy to have that outwardly in vilest estimation that inwardly is most dear to us. So much for my borrowed shape. Well, the truth is my master intends to follow his son dryfoot to Florence this morning. Now I, knowing of this conspiracy, and the rather to insinuate with my young master — for so must we that are blue-waiters or men of service do, or else perhaps we may wear motley at the year's end, and who wears motley you know — I have got me afore in this disguise, determining here to lie in and intercept him in the mid way. If I can but get his cloak, his purse, his hat — nay, anything so I can stay his journey, rex regum, I am made forever, i'faith. Well, now must I practice to get the true garb of one of these lance-knights. [He assumes a military posture.]My arm here and my — Godso, young master and his cousin

2 [To Stephano]So, sir, and how then?

3God's foot, I have lost my purse, I think.

4How, lost your purse? Where? When had you it?

5I cannot tell. Stay!

6[Aside]'Slid, I am afeard they will know me. Would I could get by them!

7What, have you it?

8No, I think I was bewitched, I.

9Nay, do not weep. A pox on it! Hang it, let it go.

10 [Finding the purse]Oh, it's here. Nay, an it had been lost, I had not cared but for a jet ring Marina sent me.

11A jet ring? Oh, the posy, the posy?

12Fine, i'faith:

meaning that though I did not fancy her, yet she loved me dearly.

13Most excellent!

14And then I sent her another, and my posy was

15How, "by Saint Peter"? I do not conceive that.

16Marry, "Saint Peter," to make up the meter.

17Well, you are beholding to that saint; he helped you at your need. Thank him, thank him.

18[Aside]I will venture, come what will. [Coming forward]Gentlemen, please you change a few crowns for a very excellent good blade here? [He presents his sword.]I am a poor gentleman, a soldier, one that in the better state of my fortunes scorned so mean a refuge, but now it's the humor of necessity to have it so. You seem to be gentlemen well affected to martial men, else I should rather die with silence than live with shame. Howe'er, vouchsafe to remember it is my want speaks, not myself. This condition agrees not with my spirit.

19Where hast thou served?

20May it please you, signor, in all the provinces of Bohemia, Hungaria, Dalmatia, Poland — where not? I have been a poor servitor by sea and land any time this fourteen years, and followed the fortunes of the best commanders in Christendom. I was twice shot at the taking of Aleppo, once at the relief of Vienna. I have been at America in the galleys thrice, where I was most dangerously shot in the head, through both the thighs; and yet, being thus maimed, I am void of maintenance, nothing left me but my scars, the noted marks of my resolution.

21 [Examining Musco's sword]How will you sell this rapier, friend?

22Faith, signor, I refer it to your own judgment. You are a gentleman; give me what you please.

23True, I am a gentleman, I know that. But what though? I pray you say what would you ask.

24I assure you, the blade may become the side of the best prince in Europe.

25Ay, with a velvet scabbard!

26Nay, an't be mine it shall have a velvet scabbard, that is flat. I'd not wear it as 'tis an you would give me an angel.

27At your pleasure, signor. Nay, it's a most pure Toledo.

28I had rather it were a Spaniard. But tell me, what shall I give you for it? An it had a silver hilt —

29Come, come, you shall not buy it. [To Musco, offering him a coin]Hold, there's a shilling, friend. Take thy rapier.

30Why, but I will buy it now because you say so. What, shall I go without a rapier?

31You may buy one in the city.

32Tut, I'll buy this, so I will. — Tell me your lowest price.

33You shall not, I say.

34By God's lid, but I will, though I give more than 'tis worth.

35Come away. You are a fool.

36Friend, I'll have it for that word. [To Musco]Follow me.

37At your service, signor.

2[Aside]My master! Nay, faith, have at you. I am fleshed, now I have sped so well. — Gentleman, I beseech you, respect the estate of a poor soldier. I am ashamed of this base course of life, God's my comfort, but extremity provokes me to't. What remedy?

3I have not for you now.

4By the faith I bear unto God, gentleman, it is no ordinary custom, but only to preserve manhood. I protest to you, a man I have been, a man I may be, by your sweet bounty.

5I pray thee, good friend, be satisfied.

6Good signor, by Jesu, you may do the part of a kind gentleman in lending a poor soldier the price of two cans of beer, a matter of small value. The King of heaven shall pay you, and I shall rest thankful, sweet signor.

7Nay, an you be so importunate —

8Oh, Lord, sir, need will have his course. I was not made to this vile use. Well, the edge of the enemy could not have abated me so much. [He weeps.]It's hard when a man hath served in his prince's cause and be thus. Signor, let me derive a small piece of silver from you. It shall not be given in the course of time. By this good ground, I was fain to pawn my rapier last night for a poor supper; I am a pagan else, sweet signor.

10Faith, signor, I would gladly find some other course, if so —

11Ay, you'd gladly find it, but you will not seek it.

12Alas, sir, where should a man seek? In the wars there's no ascent by desert in these days, but — and for service, would it were as soon purchased as wished for, God's my comfort! I know what I would say —

13What's thy name?

14Please you: Portensio.

15Portensio?

16Signor, by the place and honor of a soldier —

18Nothing, signor, but wish my fortunes were as happy as my service should be honest.

20Yes, sir, straight. I'll but garter my hose. Exit Lorenzo Sr. Oh, that my belly were hooped now! For I am ready to burst with laughing. 'Slid, was there ever seen a fox in years to betray himself thus? Now shall I be possessed of all his determinations, and, consequently, my young master. Well, he is resolved to prove my honesty. Faith, and I am resolved to prove his patience. Oh, I shall abuse him intolerably! This small piece of service will bring him clean out of love with the soldier forever. It's no matter. Let the world think me a bad counterfeit if I cannot give him the slip in an instant. Why, this is better than to have stayed his journey, by half. Well, I'll follow him. Oh, how I long to be employed!

1 [To Prospero]Yes, faith, sir, we were at your lodging to seek you too.

2Oh, I came not there tonight.

3Your brother delivered us as much.

4Who, Giuliano?

5Giuliano. Signor Prospero, I know not in what kind you value me, but let me tell you this: as sure as God, I do hold it so much out of mine honor and reputation if I should but cast the least regard upon such a dunghill of flesh. I protest to you, as I have a soul to be saved, I ne'er saw any gentlemanlike part in him. An there were no more men living upon the face of the earth, I should not fancy him, by Phoebus.

6Troth, nor I. He is of a rustical cut — I know not how. He doth not carry himself like a gentleman.

7Oh, Signor Matheo, that's a grace peculiar but to a few. Quos aequus amavit Jupiter .

8I understand you, sir.

9No question you do, sir. — Lorenzo! Now, on my soul, welcome! How dost thou, sweet rascal, my genius? 'Sblood, I shall love Apollo and the mad Thespian girls the better while I live, for this. My dear villain, now I see there's some spirit in thee. [Prospero and Lorenzo Jr. talk privately apart.]Sirrah, these be the two [Indicating Bobadilla and Matheo]I writ to thee of. Nay, what a drowsy humor is this now? Why dost thou not speak?

10Oh, you are a fine gallant. You sent me a rare letter.

11Why, was't not rare?

12Yes, I'll be sworn I was ne'er guilty of reading the like. Match it in all Pliny's Familiar Espistles, and I'll have my judgment burned in the ear for a rogue. Make much of thy vein, for it is inimitable. But I mar'l what camel it was that had the carriage of it? For doubtless he was no ordinary beast that brought it.

13Why?

14"Why?" sayest thou? Why, dost thou think that any reasonable creature, especially in the morning — the sober time of the day too — would have ta'en my father for me?

15'Sblood, you jest, I hope.

16Indeed, the best use we can turn it to is to make a jest on't now. But I'll assure you, my father had the proving of your copy some hour before I saw it.

17What a dull slave was this! But sirrah, what said he to it, i'faith?

18Nay, I know not what he said. But I have a shrewd guess what he thought.

19What? What?

20Marry, that thou art a damned, dissolute villain, and I some grain or two better in keeping thee company.

21Tut, that thought is like the moon in the last quarter; 'twill change shortly. But, sirrah, I pray thee be acquainted with my two zanies here. Thou wilt take exceeding pleasure in them if thou hear'st them once. But [Indicating Stephano]what strange piece of silence is this? The sign of the Dumb Man?

22Oh, sir, a kinsman of mine, one that may make our music the fuller, an he please. He hath his humor, sir.

23Oh, what is't? What is't?

24Nay, I'll neither do thy judgment nor his folly that wrong as to prepare thy apprehension; I'll leave him to the mercy of the time. If you can take him, so.

25Well, Signor Bobadilla, Signor Matheo, I pray you, know this gentleman here; he is a friend of mine and one that will well deserve your affection. [To Stephano]I know not your name, signor, but I shall be glad of any good occasion to be more familiar with you.

26My name is Signor Stephano, sir. I am this gentleman's cousin, sir; his father is mine uncle, sir. I am somewhat melancholy, but you shall command me, sir, in whatsoever is incident to a gentleman.

27 [To Lorenzo Jr.]Signor, I must tell you this: I am no general man. Embrace it as a most high favor, for, by the host of Egypt, but that I conceive you to be a gentleman of some parts — I love few words. You have wit; imagine.

28Ay, truly, sir, I am mightily given to melancholy.

29Oh, Lord, sir, it's your only best humor, sir. Your true melancholy breeds your perfect fine wit, sir. I am melancholy myself divers times, sir, and then do I no more but take your pen and paper presently, and write you your half-score or your dozen of sonnets at a sitting.

30[Aside to Prospero]Mass, then he utters them by the gross.

31 [To Matheo]Truly, sir, and I love such things out of measure.

32[Aside to Prospero]I'faith, as well as in measure.

33 [To Stephano]Why, I pray you, signor, make use of my study. It's at your service.

34I thank you, sir; I shall be bold, I warrant you. Have you a close stool there?

35Faith, sir, I have some papers there, toys of mine own doing at idle hours, that you'll say there's some sparks of wit in them when you shall see them.

36[Aside to Lorenzo Jr.]Would they were kindled once and a good fire made! I might see self-love burned for her heresy.

37 [To Lorenzo Jr.]Cousin, is it well? Am I melancholy enough?

38Oh, ay, excellent.

39Signor Bobadilla, why muse you so?

40[Aside to Prospero]He is melancholy too.

41Faith, sir, I was thinking of a most honorable piece of service was performed, tomorrow being Saint Mark's day, shall be some ten years.

42In what place was that service, I pray you, sir?

43Why, at the beleag'ring of Ghibeletto, where, in less than two hours, seven hundred resolute gentlemen as any were in Europe lost their lives upon the breach. I'll tell you, gentlemen, it was the first but the best leaguer that ever I beheld with these eyes, except the taking in of Tortosa last year by the Genoese; but that of all other was the most fatal and dangerous exploit that ever I was ranged in since I first bore arms before the face of the enemy, as I am a gentleman and a soldier.

44[Aside]'So, I had as lief as an angel I could swear as well as that gentleman!

45 [To Bobadilla]Then you were a servitor at both, it seems.

46Oh, Lord, sir! By Phaethon, I was the first man that entered the breach, and, had I not effected it with resolution, I had been slain if I had had a million of lives.

47Indeed, sir?

48Nay, an you heard him discourse, you would say so. How like you him?

49 [To Lorenzo Jr.]I assure you, upon my salvation, 'tis true, and yourself shall confess.

51Observe me judicially, sweet signor. They had planted me a demi-culverin just in the mouth of the breach. Now, sir, as we were to ascend, their master gunner — a man of no mean skill and courage, you must think — confronts me with his linstock ready to give fire. I, spying his intendment, discharged my petronel in his bosom, and with this instrument [Pointing to his weapon]my poor rapier, ran violently upon the Moors that guarded the ordnance and put them pell-mell to the sword.

52To the sword? To the rapier, signor.

53 [To Prospero]Oh, it was a good figure observed, sir. — But did you all this, signor, without hurting your blade?

54Without any impeach on the earth. You shall perceive, sir. It is the most fortunate weapon that ever rid on a poor gentleman's thigh. Shall I tell you, sir? You talk of Morglay, Excalibur, Durindana, or so; tut, I lend no credit to that is reported of them. I know the virtue of mine own, and therefore I dare the boldlier maintain it.

55I mar'l whether it be a Toledo or no?

56A most perfect Toledo, I assure you, signor.

57I have a countryman of his here.

58Pray you, let's see, sir. [He examines Stephano's weapon.]Yes, faith, it is.

59This a Toledo? Pish!

60Why do you "pish," signor?

61A Fleming, by Phoebus. I'll buy them for a guilder apiece, and I'll have a thousand of them.

62 [To Stephano]How say you, cousin? I told you thus much.

63Where bought you it, signor?

64Of a scurvy rogue soldier, a pox of God on him! He swore it was a Toledo.

65A provant rapier, no better.

66Mass, I think it be, indeed.

67Tut, now it's too late to look on it. [To Stephano]Put it up, put it up.

68Well, I will not put it up, but, by God's foot, an e'er I meet him —

69Oh, it is past remedy now, sir. You must have patience.

70Whoreson, coney-catching rascal! Oh, I could eat the very hilts for anger!

71A sign you have a good ostrich stomach, cousin.

72A stomach? Would I had him here! You should see an I had a stomach.

73It's better as 'tis. — Come, gentlemen, shall we go?

74A miracle, cousin. Look here, look here!

75 [To Musco]Oh, God's lid, by your leave, do you know me, sir?

76Ay, sir. I know you by sight.

77You sold me a rapier, did you not?

78Yes, marry, did I, sir.

79You said it was a Toledo, ha?

80True, I did so.

81But it is none.

82No, sir, I confess it, it is none.

83Gentlemen, bear witness he has confessed it. — By God's lid, an you had not confessed it —

84Oh, cousin, forbear, forbear.

85Nay, I have done, cousin.

86Why, you have done like a gentleman. He has confessed it; what would you more?

87[Aside to Prospero]Sirrah, how dost thou like him?

88[Aside to Lorenzo Jr.]Oh, it's a precious good fool! Make much on him. I can compare him to nothing more happily than a barber's virginals, for everyone may play upon him.

89 [To Lorenzo Jr.]Gentleman, shall I entreat a word with you?

90With all my heart, sir. You have not another Toledo to sell, have ye?

91You are pleasant. [They talk privately.]Your name is Signor Lorenzo, as I take it?

92You are in the right. — 'Sblood, he means to catechize me, I think.

93No, sir, I leave that to the curate. I am none of that coat.

94And yet of as bare a coat. Well, say, sir.

95Faith, signor, I am but servant to god Mars extraordinary, and indeed — this brass varnish being washed off and three or four other tricks sublated — I appear yours in reversion, after the decease of your good father — Musco!

96Musco! 'Sblood, what wind hath blown thee hither in this shape?

97Your easterly wind, sir — the same that blew your father hither.

98My father?

99Nay, never start, it's true. He is come to town of purpose to seek you.

100 [To Prospero, who joins them]Sirrah Prospero, what shall we do, sirrah? My father is come to the city.

101Thy father? Where is he?

102At a gentleman's house, yonder by Saint Anthony's, where he but stays my return, and then —

103Who's this? Musco?

104The same, sir.

105Why, how com'st thou transmuted thus?

106Faith, a device, a device. Nay, for the love of God, stand not here, gentlemen; house yourselves and I'll tell you all.

107But art thou sure he will stay thy return?

108Do I live, sir? What a question is that?

109Well, we'll prorogue his expectation a little. Musco, thou shalt go with us. [Calling to the others]Come on, gentlemen. [To Lorenzo Jr.]Nay, I pray thee, good rascal, droop not; 'sheart, an our wits be so gouty that one old, plodding brain can outstrip us all, Lord, I beseech thee, may they lie and starve in some miserable spital, where they may never see the face of any true spirit again, but be perpetually haunted with some churchyard hobgoblin in saecula saeculorum.

110Amen, amen!

7Sir, Signor Platano will meet you there with the bond.

44Fasting days. What tell you me of your fasting days? Would they were all on a light fire for me! They say the world shall be consumed with fire and brimstone in the latter day, but I would we had these Ember weeks and these villainous Fridays burnt in the meantime, and then —

45Why, how now, Cob, what moves thee to this choler, ha?

46Collar, sir? 'Swounds, I scorn your collar. I, sir, am no collier's horse, sir; never ride me with your collar. An you do, I'll show you a jade's trick.

47Oh, you'll slip your head out of the collar. Why, Cob, you mistake me.

48Nay, I have my rheum, and I be angry as well as another, sir.

49Thy "rheum"? Thy humor, man; thou mistakest.

50"Humor"? Mack, I think it be so, indeed. What is this "humor"? It's some rare thing, I warrant.

51Marry, I'll tell thee what it is, as 'tis generally received in these days: it is a monster bred in a man by self-love and affectation, and fed by folly.

52How? Must it be fed?

53Oh, ay, humor is nothing if it be not fed. Why, didst thou never hear of that? It's a common phrase, "Feed my humor."

54I'll none on it. Humor, avaunt! I know you not; be gone. Let who will make hungry meals for you; it shall not be I. Feed you, quoth he? 'Sblood, I have much ado to feed myself, especially on these lean rascal days too. An't had been any other day but a fasting day — a plague on them all, for me! By this light, one might have done God good service and have drowned them all in the flood two or three hundred thousand years ago. Oh, I do stomach them hugely! I have a maw, now, an 'twere for Sir Bevis's horse.

55Nay, but I pray thee, Cob, what makes thee so out of love with fasting days?

56Marry, that that will make any man out of love with them, I think: their bad conditions, an you will needs know. First, they are of a Flemish breed, I am sure on't, for they raven up more butter than all the days of the week beside. Next, they stink of fish miserably. Thirdly, they'll keep a man devoutly hungry all day, and at night send him supperless to bed.

57Indeed, these are faults, Cob.

58Nay, an this were all, 'twere something. But they are the only known enemies to my generation. A fasting day no sooner comes but my lineage goes to rack. Poor cobs, they smoke for it; they melt in passion. And your maids too know this, and yet would have me turn Hannibal and eat my own fish and blood! ([He] pulls out a red herring [and addresses it].)My princely coz, fear nothing. I have not the heart to devour you, an I might be made as rich as Golias. Oh, that I had room for my tears! I could weep salt water enough now to preserve the lives of ten thousand of my kin. But I may curse none but these filthy almanacs, for, an 'twere not for them, these days of persecution would ne'er be known. I'll be hanged an some fishmonger's son do not make on them, and puts in more fasting days than he should do because he would utter his father's dried stockfish.

59'Soul , peace! Thou'lt be beaten like a stockfish else. [He sees a group approaching.]Here is Signor Matheo. Now must I look out for a messenger to my master.

1Beshrew me, but it was an absolute good jest, and exceedingly well carried.

2Ay, and our ignorance maintained it as well, did it not?

3Yes, faith; but was't possible thou shouldst not know him?

4'Fore God, not I, an I might have been joined patent with one of the Nine Worthies for knowing him. 'Sblood, man, he had so writhen himself into the habit of one of your poor desperviews, your decayed, ruinous, worm-eaten gentlemen of the round, such as have vowed to sit on the skirts of the city (let your provost and his half-dozen of halberdiers do what they can), and have translated begging out of the old hackney pace to a fine, easy amble, and made it run as smooth off the tongue as a shove-groat shilling. Into the likeness of one of these lean Pirgos had he molded himself so perfectly, observing every trick of their action — as varying the accent, swearing with an emphasis, indeed all with so special and exquisite a grace — that, hadst thou seen him, thou wouldst have sworn he might have been the Tamburlaine or the Agamemnon of the rout.

5Why, Musco, who would have thought thou hadst been such a gallant?

6I cannot tell; but unless a man had juggled begging all his lifetime and been a weaver of phrases from his infancy for the appareling of it, I think the world cannot produce his rival.

7 [To Musco]Where got'st thou this coat, I mar'l?

8Faith, sir, I had it of one of the devil's near kinsmen: a broker.

9That cannot be, if the proverb hold, "A crafty knave needs no broker."

10True, sir, but I need a broker, no crafty knave.

11Well put off, well put off.

12Tut, he has more of these shifts.

13And yet, where I have one, the broker has ten, sir.

14 [Calling]Francisco! Martino! — Ne'er a one to be found now. What a spite's this!

15How now, Piso? Is my brother within?

16No, sir, my master went forth e'en now, but Signor Giuliano is within. [Calling]Cob! What, Cob! — Is he gone too?

[Calling]Cob!

19Doctor Clement — what's he? I have heard much speech of him.

20Why, dost thou not know him? He is the gonfaloniere of the state here, an excellent rare civilian and a great scholar, but the only mad, merry old fellow in Europe. I showed him you the other day.

21Oh, I remember him now. Good faith, and he hath a very strange presence, methinks. It shows as if he stood out of the rank from other men. I have heard many of his jests in Padua. They say he will commit a man for taking the wall of his horse.

22Ay, or wearing his cloak of one shoulder, or anything, indeed, if it come in the way of his humor.

23 [Calling]Gasper, Martino, Cob! — 'Sheart, where should they be, trow?

24 [To Piso]Signor Thorello's man, I pray thee, vouchsafe us the lighting of this match.

25A pox on your match! No time but now to "vouchsafe"? [Calling]Francisco! Cob!

26 [Taking out a tobacco box]Body of me, here's the remainder of seven pound since yesterday was sevennight. It's your right Trinidado. Did you never take any, signor?

27No, truly, sir, but I'll learn to take it now, since you commend it so.

28Signor, believe me, upon my relation, for what I tell you the world shall not improve. I have been in the Indies, where this herb grows, where neither myself nor a dozen gentlemen more, of my knowledge, have received the taste of any other nutriment in the world for the space of one-and-twenty weeks but tobacco only. Therefore, it cannot be but 'tis most divine. Further, take it in the nature, in the true kind so, it makes an antidote that, had you taken the most deadly poisonous simple in all Florence, it should expel it and clarify you with as much ease as I speak. And for your green wound, your balsamum and your — are all mere gulleries and trash to it, especially your Trinidado. Your Nicotian is good, too. I could say what I know of the virtue of it for the exposing of rheums, raw humors, crudities, obstructions, with a thousand of this kind, but I profess myself no quacksalver. Only thus much, by Hercules: I do hold it and will affirm it before any prince in Europe to be the most sovereign and precious herb that ever the earth tendered to the use of man.

29[Aside to Prospero]Oh, this speech would have done rare in a pothecary's mouth!

30 [To Cob]Ay, close by Saint Anthony's, Doctor Clement's.

31Oh, oh!

32 [To Piso]Where's the match I gave thee?

33'Sblood, would his match, and he, and pipe, and all were at Sancto Domingo!

34By God's deynes, I mar'l what pleasure or felicity they have in taking this roguish tobacco. It's good for nothing but to choke a man and fill him full of smoke and embers. There were four died out of one house last week with taking of it, and two more the bell went for yesternight. One of them, they say, will ne'er scape it; he voided a bushel of soot yesterday, upward and downward. By the stocks, an there were no wiser men than I, I'd have it present death, man or woman, that should but deal with a tobacco pipe. Why, it will stifle them all in th'end, as many as use it; it's little better than ratsbane.

35Oh, good signor, hold, hold!

36You base cullion, you!

37 [Handing the lighted flammable material back to Bobadilla]Sir, here's your match. [To Cob]Come, thou must needs be talking, too.

38Nay, he will not meddle with his match, I warrant you. Well, it shall be a dear beating, an I live.

39 [Threatening Cob]Do you prate?

40 [To Bobadilla]Nay, good signor, will you regard the humor of a fool? [To Cob]Away, knave!

41Piso, get him away.

42A whoreson, filthy slave, a turd, an excrement! Body of Caesar, but that I scorn to let forth so mean a spirit, I'd have stabbed him to the earth.

43Marry, God forbid, sir.

44By this fair heaven, I would have done it.

45 [To himself]Oh, he swears admirably! "By this fair heaven," "Body of Caesar" — I shall never do it, sure. "Upon my salvation" — no, I have not the right grace.

46 [Offering tobacco to Lorenzo Jr.]Signor, will you any? By this air, the most divine tobacco as ever I drunk.

47I thank you, sir.

48 [To himself]Oh, this gentleman doth it rarely too, but nothing like the other. [He practices fencing at a post.]"By this air!" "As I am a gentleman!" "By Phoebus!"

50As I have a soul to be saved, I do protest —

51[Aside]That you are a fool.

52 [To Stephano]Cousin, will you any tobacco?

53 [Taking tobacco]Ay, sir, upon my salvation.

54How now, cousin?

55I protest, as I am a gentleman, but no soldier, indeed.

56No, signor? As I remember, you served on a great horse last general muster.

57Ay, sir, that's true. — Cousin, may I swear "as I am a soldier" by that?

58Oh, yes, that you may.

59Then, as I am a gentleman and a soldier, it is divine tobacco.

60But soft, where's Signor Matheo? Gone?

61No, sir, they went in here.

62Oh, let’s follow them. Signor Matheo is gone to salute his mistress. [To Lorenzo Jr.]Sirrah, now thou shalt hear some of his verses, for he never comes hither without some shreds of poetry. — Come, Signor Stephano, Musco.

63Musco? Where? Is this Musco?

64Ay, but peace, cousin, no words of it at any hand.

65Not I, by this fair heaven, as I have a soul to be saved, by Phoebus.

66[Aside to Lorenzo Jr.]Oh, rare! Your cousin's discourse is simply suited, all in oaths.

67[Aside to Prospero]Ay, he lacks nothing but a little light stuff to draw them out withal, and he were rarely fitted to the time.

1Ha! How many are there, sayest thou?

2Marry, sir, your brother, Signor Prospero.

3Tut, beside him: what strangers are there, man?

4Strangers? Let me see: one, two — mass, I know not well, there's so many.

5How? So many?

6Ay, there's some five or six of them at the most.

8But a little while, sir.

10No, sir.

12Like enough, yet I heard not a word of welcome.

14By my troth, sir, will you have the truth of it?

16God's my judge, I saw nobody to be kissed, unless they would have kissed the post in the middle of the warehouse. For there I left them all at their tobacco — with a pox!

18Oh, no, sir.

20Nay, soft and fair! I have eggs on the spit; I cannot go yet, sir. Now am I for some divers reasons hammering, hammering revenge. Oh, for three or four gallons of vinegar to sharpen my wits! Revenge, vinegar revenge, russet revenge! Nay, an he had not lain in my house, 'twould never have grieved me. But being my guest — one that, I'll be sworn, my wife has lent him her smock off her back while his own shirt ha' been at washing, pawned her neckerchers for clean bands for him, sold almost all my platters to buy him tobacco — and yet to see an ingratitude wretch strike his host! Well, I hope to raise up an host of Furies for't. Here comes Master Doctor.

21What, 's Signor Thorello gone?

22Ay, sir.

23Heart of me, what made him leave us so abruptly? [Seeing Cob]How now, sirrah, what make you here? What would you have, ha?

24An't please Your Worship, I am a poor neighbor of Your Worship's.

25A neighbor of mine, knave?

26Ay, sir, at the sign of the water-tankard, hard by the Green Lattice. I have paid scot and lot there any time this eighteen years.

27What, at the Green Lattice?

28No, sir, to the parish. Marry, I have seldom scaped scot-free at the Lattice.

29So. But what business hath my neighbor?

30An't like Your Worship, I am come to crave the peace of Your Worship.

31Of me, knave?. Peace of me, knave? Did I e'er hurt thee? Did I ever threaten thee? Or wrong thee? Ha?

32No, God's my comfort, I mean Your Worship's warrant for one that hath wronged me, sir. His arms are at too much liberty. I would fain have them bound to a treaty of peace, an I could by any means compass it.

33Why, dost thou go in danger of thy life for him?

34No, sir, but I go in danger of my death every hour by his means. An I die within a twelvemonth and a day, I may swear by the laws of the land that he killed me.

35How, how, knave? Swear he killed thee? What pretext, what color hast thou for that?

36Marry, sir, both black and blue — color enough, I warrant you. I have it here to show Your Worship.

37What is he that gave you this, sirrah?

38A gentleman in the city, sir.

39A gentleman? What call you him?

40Signor Bobadilla.

41Good. But wherefore did he beat you, sirrah? How began the quarrel 'twixt you, ha? Speak truly, knave, I advise you.

42Marry, sir, because I spake against their vagrant tobacco as I came by them; for nothing else.

43Ha? You speak against tobacco? — Peto, his name.

44What's your name, sirrah?

45Oliver Cob, sir. Set Oliver Cob, sir.

46 [To Peto]Tell Oliver Cob he shall go to the jail.

47Oliver Cob, Master Doctor says you shall go to the jail.

48Oh, I beseech Your Worship, for God's love, dear Master Doctor!

49Nay, God's precious, an such drunken knaves as you are come to dispute of tobacco once, I have done. — Away with him!

50Oh, good Master Doctor! [To Lorenzo Sr.]Sweet gentleman!

51Sweet Oliver, would I could do thee any good. — Master Doctor, let me entreat, sir.

52What? A tankard-bearer, a threadbare rascal, a beggar, a slave that never drunk out of better than pisspot metal in his life? And he to deprave and abuse the virtue of an herb so generally received in the courts of princes, the chambers of nobles, the bowers of sweet ladies, the cabins of soldiers? Peto, away with him, by God's passion. I say, go to.

53Dear Master Doctor!

54Alas, poor Oliver!

55Peto, ay, and make him a warrant. — He shall not go; I but fear the knave.

56Oh, divine doctor! Thanks, noble doctor, most dainty doctor, delicious doctor!

57Signor Lorenzo, God's pity, man, be merry, be merry, leave these dumps.

59Nay, but good signor, hear me a word, hear me a word. Your cares are nothing; they are like my cap, soon put on and as soon put off. What, your son is old enough to govern himself; let him run his course. It's the only way to make him a staid man. If he were an unthrift, a ruffian, a drunkard, or a licentious liver, then you had reason, you had reason to take care; but being none of these, God's passion, an I had twice so many cares as you have, I'd drown them all in a cup of sack. Come, come. I muse your parcel of a soldier returns not all this while.

1Well, sister, I tell you true, and you'll find it so in the end.

2Alas, brother, what would you have me to do? I cannot help it; you see, my brother Prospero, he brings them in here; they are his friends.

3His friends? His fiends! 'Sblood, they do nothing but haunt him up and down like a sort of unlucky sprites and tempt him to all manner of villainy that can be thought of. Well, by this light, a little thing would make me play the devil with some of them. An 'twere not more for your husband's sake than anything else, I'd make the house too hot for them. They should say and swear hell were broken loose ere they went. But, by God's bread, 'tis nobody's fault but yours. For, an you had done as you might have done, they should have been damned ere they should have come in, e'er a one of them!

4God's my life, did you ever hear the like? What a strange man is this! Could I keep out all them, think you? I should put myself against half a dozen men, should I? Good faith, you'd mad the patient'st body in the world to hear you talk so, without any sense or reason.

8[Aside to Prospero]Oh, now stand close. Pray God she can get him to read it.

9[Aside to Lorenzo Jr.]Tut, fear not. I warrant thee, he will do it of himself with much impudency.

10 [Indicating Matheo's papers]Servant, what is that same, I pray you?

11Marry, an elegy, an elegy, an odd toy.

12Ay, to mock an ape withal. O Jesu!

13Sister, I pray you, let's hear it.

14Mistress, I'll read it, if you please.

15I pray you do, servant.

16Oh, here's no foppery! 'Sblood, it frets me to the gall to think on it.

17[Aside to Lorenzo Jr.]Oh, ay, it is his condition. Peace, we are fairly rid of him.

18Faith, I did it in an humor. I know not how it is, but, please you, come near, signor. This gentleman [indicating Stephano]hath judgment; 1537he knows how to censure of a — [To Stephano]I pray you, sir, you can judge.

19Not I, sir — as I have a soul to be saved; as I am a gentleman.

20[Aside to Prospero]Nay, it's well, so long as he doth not forswear himself.

21 [To Matheo]Signor, you abuse the excellency of your mistress and her fair sister. Fie, while you live, avoid this prolixity.

22I shall, sir. Well, incipere dulce.

23[Aside to Prospero]How? "Insipere dulce"? "A sweet thing to be a fool," indeed.

25[Aside to Prospero]You do not, you? 'Sblood, this was your villainy, to gull him with a mot.

26[Aside to Lorenzo Jr.]Oh, the benchers' phrase: pauca verba, pauca verba.

28 [Aside to Prospero]'Sheart, this is in Hero and Leander!

31 [To Stephano]How like you that, signor?

33But observe the catastrophe now:

34[Aside to Prospero]Well, I'll have him free of the brokers, for he utters nothing but stol'n remnants.

35[Aside to Lorenzo Jr.]Nay, good critic, forbear.

36[Aside to Prospero]A pox on him, hang him, filching rogue! Steal from the dead? It's worse than sacrilege.

37 [To Hesperida]Sister, what have you here? Verses? I pray you, let's see.

38Do you let them go so lightly, sister?

39Yes, faith, when they come lightly.

40Ay, but if your servant should hear you, he would take it heavily.

41No matter. He is able to bear.

42So are asses.

43So is he.

44Signor Matheo, who made these verses? They are excellent good.

45Oh, God, sir, it's your pleasure to say so, sir. Faith, I made them extempore this morning.

46How, extempore?

47I would I might be damned else. Ask Signor Bobadilla. He saw me write them at the — pox on it! — the Miter yonder.

48[Aside to Prospero and Lorenzo Jr.]Well, an the Pope knew he cursed the miter, it were enough to have him excommunicated all the taverns in the town.

49 [To Lorenzo Jr.]Cousin, how do you like this gentleman's verses?

50Oh, admirable! The best that ever I heard.

51By this fair heavens, they are admirable, the best that ever I heard.

52 [To himself]I am vexed. I can hold never a bone of me still! 'Sblood, I think they mean to build a tabernacle here. Well!

53 [To Hesperida]Sister, you have a simple servant here, that crowns your beauty with such encomions and devices. You may see what it is to be the mistress of a wit that can make your perfections so transparent that every blear eye may look through them and see him drowned over head and ears in the deep well of desire. — Sister Bianca, I marvel you get you not a servant that can rhyme and do tricks, too.

54 [To himself]Oh, monster! Impudence itself! Tricks?

55 [To Prospero]Tricks, brother? What tricks?

56Nay, speak, I pray you, what tricks?

57Ay, never spare anybody here, but say, what tricks?

59'Sblood, here's a trick, vied and revied. Why, you monkeys, you, what a caterwauling do you keep! Has he not given you rhymes and verses and tricks?

60 [To himself]Oh, see the devil!

61 [To Hesperida]Nay, you lamp of virginity, that take it in snuff so, come and cherish this tame poetical fury in your "servant"; you'll be begged else shortly for a concealment. Go to, reward his muse. You cannot give him less than a shilling, in conscience, for the book he had it out of cost him a teston at the least. — How now, gallants, Lorenzo, Signor Bobadilla? What, all sons of silence? No spirit?

62 [Aloud]Come, you might practice your ruffian tricks somewhere else and not here, iwis. This is no tavern, nor no place for such exploits.

63'Sheart, how now?

64Nay, boy, never look askance at me for the matter. I'll tell you of it, by God's bread! Ay, and you and your companions, mend yourselves when I have done.

65My companions?

66Ay, your companions, sir, so I say. 'Sblood, I am not afraid of you nor them neither. You must have your poets and your cavaliers and your fools follow you up and down the city, and here they must come to domineer and swagger? [To Matheo]Sirrah, you ballad-singer, and Slops, your fellow there, get you out! Get you out or, by the will of God, I'll cut off your ears! Go to.

[To Giuliano]Cut off his ears? You are an ass. Touch any man here and, by the Lord, I'll run my rapier to the hilts in thee.

68Yea, that would I fain see, boy.

69Oh, Jesu! Piso, Matheo, murder!

70Help, help, Piso!

71Gentlemen! Prospero! Forbear, I pray you.

72 [To Giuliano]Well, sirrah, you Holofernes: by my hand, I will pink thy flesh full of holes with my rapier for this, I will, by this good heaven! They offer to fight again and are parted. Nay, let him come, let him come, gentlemen; by the body of Saint George, I'll not kill him.

73Hold, hold! Forbear.

74 [To Bobadilla]You whoreson bragging coistrel!

76Here, sir.

77 [To Lorenzo Jr.. and the others]Come, let's go. This is one of my brother's ancient humors, this.

78I am glad nobody was hurt by this ancient humor.

79Why, how now, brother, who enforced this brawl?

80A sort of lewd rakehells, that care neither for God nor the devil. And they must come here to read ballads and roguery and trash! I'll mar the knot of them ere I sleep, perhaps, especially Signor Pythagoras, he that's all manner of shapes, and Songs and Sonnets, his fellow there.

82Respect? What talk you of respect 'mongst such as had neither spark of manhood nor good manners? By God, I am ashamed to hear you. Respect?

86Indeed, he seemed to be a gentleman of an exceeding fair disposition and of very excellent good parts.

1 [Knocking]What, Tib! Tib, I say!

2 [Within]How now, what cuckold is that knocks so hard? (To him, Tib.) Oh, husband, is't you? What's the news?

3Nay, you have stunned me, i'faith! You have given me a knock on the forehead will stick by me. Cuckold? 'Swounds, cuckold?

4Away, you fool! Did I know it was you that knocked? Come, come, you may call me as bad when you list.

5May I? 'Swounds, Tib, you are a whore.

6'Sheart, you lie in your throat.

7How, the lie? And in my throat too? Do you long to be stabbed, ha?

8Why, you are no soldier.

9Mass, that's true. When was Bobadilla here? That rogue, that slave, that fencing Burgullian! I'll tickle him, i'faith.

10Why, what's the matter?

11Oh, he hath basted me rarely, sumptuously! But I have it here will sauce him. Oh, the doctor, the honestest old Trojan in all Italy! I do honor the very flea of his dog. A plague on him, he put me once in a villainous, filthy fear. Marry, it vanished away like the smoke of tobacco, but I was smoked soundly first, I thank the devil and his good angel, my guest. Well, wife, or Tib, which you will, get you in and lock the door, I charge you, let no body in to you — not Bobadilla himself, nor the devil in his likeness. You are a woman; you have flesh and blood enough in you; therefore, be not tempted; keep the door shut upon all comers.

12I warrant you, there shall no body enter here without my consent.

13Nor with your consent, sweet Tib; and so I leave you.

14It's more than you know, whether you leave me so.

15How?

1Well, Musco, perform this business happily and thou makest a conquest of my love forever.

2 [To Musco]I'faith, now let thy spirits put on their best habit. But, at any hand, remember thy message to my brother, for there's no other means to start him.

3I warrant you, sir, fear nothing. I have a nimble soul that hath waked all my imaginative forces by this time and put them in true motion. What you have possessed me withal, I'll discharge it amply, sir. Make no question.

4That's well said, Musco. Exit Musco. [To Lorenzo Jr.]Faith, sirrah, how dost thou approve my wit in this device?

5Troth, well, howsoever, but excellent if it take.

6Take, man? Why, it cannot choose but take, if the circumstances miscarry not. But tell me zealously: dost thou affect my sister Hesperida, as thou pretendest?

7Prospero, by Jesu!

8Come, do not protest, I believe thee. I'faith, she is a virgin of good ornament and much modesty. Unless I conceived very worthily of her, thou shouldst not have her.

9Nay, I think it a question whether I shall have her, for all that.

10'Sblood, thou shalt have her, by this light thou shalt.

11Nay, do not swear.

12By Saint Mark, thou shalt have her. I'll go fetch her presently. Point but where to meet, and, by this hand, I'll bring her.

13Hold, hold. What, all policy dead? No prevention of mischiefs stirring?

14Why, by — what shall I swear by? Thou shalt have her, by my soul.

15I pray thee, have patience. I am satisfied. Prospero, omit no offered occasion that may make my desires complete, I beseech thee.

16I warrant thee.

1Was your man a soldier, sir?

2Ay, a knave. I took him up begging upon the way, this morning as I was coming to the city.

3Marry, God's my comfort, where I thought I should have had little comfort of Your Worship's service.

5Oh, God, sir! Your coming to the city, and your entertainment of me, and your sending me to watch — indeed, all the circumstances are as open to your son as to yourself.

7I'faith, you have hit it; 'tis so, indeed.

9Nay, sir, I cannot tell, unless it were by the black art. Is not your son a scholar, sir?

11Nay, sir, rather you should ask where they found me, for I'll be sworn I was going along in the street, thinking nothing, when of a sudden one calls, "Signor Lorenzo's man!" Another, he cries, "Soldier!" And thus half a dozen of them, till they had got me within doors, where I no sooner came but out flies their rapiers and, all bent against my breast, they swore some two or three hundred oaths, and all to tell me I was but a dead man if I did not confess where you were, and how I was employed, and about what. Which, when they could not get out of me — as God's my judge, they should have killed me first — they locked me up into a room in the top of a house, where by great miracle, having a light heart, I slid down by a bottom of packthread into the street and so scaped. But master, thus much I can assure you, for I heard it while I was locked up: there were a great many merchants and rich citizens' wives with them at a banquet, and your son, Signor Lorenzo, has pointed one of them to meet anon at one Cob's house, a waterbearer's, that dwells by the wall. Now there you shall be sure to take him, for fail he will not.

13Ay, sir, there you shall have him. Exit [Lorenzo Sr.]. [Aside]When, can you tell? Much wench or much son! 'Sblood, when he has stayed there three or four hours, travailing with the expectation of somewhat, and at the length be delivered of nothing — oh, the sport that I should then take to look on him if I durst! But now I mean to appear no more afore him in this shape; I have another trick to act yet. Oh, that I were so happy as to light upon an ounce now of this doctor's clerk! [To Peto]God save you, sir.

14I thank you, good sir.

15I have made you stay somewhat long, sir.

16Not a whit, sir. I pray you, what, sir, do you mean? You have been lately in the wars, sir, it seems.

17Ay, marry, have I, sir.

18Troth, sir, I would be glad to bestow a pottle of wine of you, if it please you to accept it —

19Oh, Lord, sir!

20But to hear the manner of your services and your devices in the wars. They say they be very strange, and not like those a man reads in the Roman histories.

21Oh, God, no, sir. Why, at any time when it please you I shall be ready to discourse to you what I know. [Aside]And more too, somewhat.

22No better time than now, sir. We'll go to the Mermaid. There we shall have a cup of neat wine. I pray you, sir, let me request you.

23I'll follow you, sir. [Aside]He is mine own, i'faith.

1 [To Lorenzo Jr.]Signor, did you ever see the like clown of him where we were today, Signor Prospero's brother? I think the whole earth cannot show his like, by Jesu.

2We were now speaking of him. Signor Bobadilla tells me he is fallen foul of you two.

3Oh, ay, sir, he threatened me with the bastinado.

4Ay, but I think I taught you a trick this morning for that. You shall kill him, without all question, if you be so minded.

5Indeed, it is a most excellent trick.

6Oh, you do not give spirit enough to your motion. You are too dull, too tardy. Oh, it must be done like lightning. Hay!

7Oh, rare!

8Tut, 'tis nothing, an't be not done in a — .

9Signor, did you never play with any of our masters here?

10Oh, good sir!

11Nay, for a more instance of their preposterous humor, there came three or four of them to me at a gentleman's house, where it was my chance to be resident at that time, to entreat my presence at their schools, and withal so much importuned me that — I protest to you, as I am a gentleman — I was ashamed of their rude demeanor out of all measure. Well, I told them that to come to a public school, they should pardon me, it was opposite to my humor; but if so they would attend me at my lodging, I protested to do them what right or favor I could, as I was a gentleman, et cetera-

12So, sir, then you tried their skill?

13Alas, soon tried! You shall hear, sir. Within two or three days after, they came, and, by Jesu, good signor, believe me, I graced them exceedingly, showed them some two or three tricks of prevention hath got them since admirable credit. They cannot deny this. And yet now they hate me; and why? Because I am excellent, and for no other reason on the earth.

14This is strange and vile as ever I heard.

15I will tell you, sir. Upon my first coming to the city they assaulted me, some three, four, five, six of them together, as I have walked alone in divers places of the city, as upon the Exchange, at my lodging, and at my ordinary, where I have driven them afore me the whole length of a street in the open view of all our gallants, pitying to hurt them, believe me. Yet all this lenity will not depress their spleen; they will be doing with the pismire, raising a hill a man may spurn abroad with his foot at pleasure. By my soul, I could have slain them all, but I delight not in murder. I am loath to bear any other but a bastinado for them, and yet I hold it good policy not to go disarmed, for, though I be skillful, I may be suppressed with multitudes.

16Ay, by Jesu, may you, sir, and in my conceit our whole nation should sustain the loss by it, if it were so.

17Alas, no. What's a peculiar man to a nation? Not seen.

18Ay, but your skill, sir.

19Indeed, that might be some loss, but who respects it? I will tell you, signor, in private: I am a gentleman and live here obscure and to myself. But were I known to the duke, observe me, I would undertake, upon my head and life, for the public benefit of the state, not only to spare the entire lives of his subjects in general, but to save the one half — nay, three parts — of his yearly charges in holding wars generally against all his enemies. And how will I do it, think you?

20Nay, I know not, nor can I conceive.

21Marry, thus: I would select nineteen more to myself throughout the land; gentlemen they should be of good spirit, strong and able constitution. I would choose them by an instinct, a trick that I have. And I would teach these nineteen the special tricks — as your punto, your reverso, your stoccato, your imbroccato, your passado, your montanto — till they could all play very near or altogether as well as myself. This done, say the enemy were forty thousand strong: we twenty would come into the field the tenth of March or thereabouts and would challenge twenty of the enemy. They could not in their honor refuse the combat. Well, we would kill them; challenge twenty more, kill them; twenty more, kill them; twenty more, kill them too. And thus would we kill every man his twenty a day, that's twenty score; twenty score, that's two hundred; two hundred a day, five days a thousand. Forty thousand — forty times five, five times forty — two hundred days kills them all, by computation. And this will I venture my life to perform, provided there by no treason practiced upon us.

22Why, are you so sure of your hand at all times?

23Tut, never mistrust, upon my soul.

24Mass, I would not stand in Signor Giuliano's state, then, an you meet him, for the wealth of Florence.

25Why, signor, by Jesu, if he were here now, I would not draw my weapon on him. Let this gentleman do his mind, but I will bastinado him, by heaven, an ever I meet him.

26Faith, and I'll have a fling at him.

27Look, yonder he goes, I think.

28 [To himself]'Sblood, what luck have I! I cannot meet with these bragging rascals.

29It's not he, is it?

30Yes, faith, it is he.

31I'll be hanged, then, if that were he.

32Before God, it was he. You make me swear.

33Upon my salvation, it was he.

34Well, had I thought it had been he, he could not have gone so. But I cannot be induced to believe it was he yet.

35 [To Bobadilla]Oh, gallant, have I found you? Draw. To your tools! Draw! Or, by God's will, I'll thrash you.

36Signor, hear me!

37Draw your weapons, then.

38Signor, I never thought on it till now: body of Saint George, I have a warrant of the peace served on me even now as I came along, by a waterbearer. This gentleman saw it — Signor Matheo.

39The peace? 'Sblood, you will not draw?

40Hold, signor, hold! Under thy favor, forbear!

41 [To Bobadilla]Prate again as you like this, you whoreson cowardly rascal! You'll control the point, you? Your consort, he is gone? Had he stayed, he had shared with you, in faith.

42Well, gentlemen, bear witness I was bound to the peace, by Jesu.

43Why, and though you were, sir, the law allows you to defend yourself. That's but a poor excuse.

44I cannot tell. I never sustained the like disgrace, by heaven. Sure I was struck with a planet then, for I had no power to touch my weapon.

45Ay, like enough. I have heard of many that have been beaten under a planet. Go, get you to the surgeon's. 'Sblood, an these be your tricks, your passados and your montantos , I'll none of them. Exit [Bobadilla]. Oh, God, that this age should bring forth such creatures! — Come, cousin.

46 [Taking up Giuliano's cloak]Mass, I'll have this cloak.

47God's will, it's Giuliano's.

48Nay, but 'tis mine now; another might have ta'en it up as well as I. I'll wear it, so I will.

49How an he see it? He'll challenge it, assure yourself.

50Ay, but he shall not have it. I'll say I bought it.

51Advise you, cousin, take heed he give not you as much.

2No harm done, brother, I warrant you. Since there is no harm done, anger costs a man nothing, and a tall man is never his own man till he be angry. To keep his valor in obscurity is to keep himself, as it were, in a cloakbag. What's a musician unless he play? What's a tall man unless he fight? For, indeed, all this my brother stands upon absolutely, and that made me fall in with him so resolutely.

3Ay, but what harm might have come of it!

4Might? So might the good warm clothes your husband wears be poisoned, for anything he knows, or the wholesome wine he drunk even now at the table.

6Oh, strange humor! My very breath hath poisoned him.

9Is a fit simile a toy? Will he be poisoned with a simile? — Brother Thorello, what a strange and vain imagination is this! For shame, be wiser. Of my soul, there's no such matter.

11If you be sick, your own thoughts make you sick.

13Signor Thorello, my master, Doctor Clement, salutes you and desires to speak with you with all speed possible.

14No time but now? Well, I'll wait upon His Worship. — Piso! Cob! [Aside]I'll seek them out and set them sentinels till I return. — Piso! Cob! Piso!

15 [Privately to Musco]Musco, this is rare. But how got'st thou this apparel of the Doctor's man?

16Marry, sir, my youth would needs bestow the wine of me to hear some martial discourse, where I so marshalled him that I made him monstrous drunk. And because too much heat was the cause of his distemper, I stripped him stark naked, as he lay along asleep, and borrowed his suit to deliver this counterfeit message in, leaving a rusty armor and an old brown bill to watch him till my return — which shall be when I have pawned his apparel and spent the money, perhaps.

17Well, thou art a mad knave, Musco. His absence will be a good subject for more mirth. I pray thee, return to thy young master Lorenzo and will him to meet me and Hesperida at the Friary presently; for here, tell him, the house is so stirred with jealousy that there is no room for love to stand upright in. But I'll use such means she shall come thither, and that, I think, will meet best with his desires. Hie thee, good Musco.

18I go, sir.

20Most true, sir.

21Thanks, gentle Piso. Where is Cob, now? — Cob!

22He's ever calling for Cob. I wonder how he employs Cob so.

23Indeed, sister, to ask how he employs Cob is a necessary question for you that are his wife and a thing not very easy for you to be satisfied in. But this I'll assure you: Cob's wife is an excellent bawd, indeed, and oftentimes your husband haunts her house — marry, to what end I cannot altogether accuse him. Imagine you what you think convenient. But I have known fair hides have foul hearts ere now, I can tell you.

24Never said you truer than that, brother. — Piso, fetch your cloak and go with me; I'll after him presently. I would to Christ I could take him there, i'faith!

25So, let them go. This may make sport anon. — Now, my fair sister Hesperida: ah, that you knew how happy a thing it were to be fair and beautiful!

26That toucheth not me, brother.

27That's true; that's even the fault of it. For, indeed, beauty stands a woman in no stead unless it procure her touching. But sister, whether it touch you or no, it touches your beauties, and I am sure they will abide the touch. An they do not, a plague of all ceruse, say I! And it touches me too in part, though not in the —. Well, there's a dear and respected friend of mine, sister, stands very strongly affected towards you, and hath vowed to inflame whole bonfires of zeal in his heart in honor of your perfections. I have already engaged my promise to bring you where you shall hear him confirm much more than I am able to lay down for him. Signor Lorenzo is the man. What say you, sister? Shall I entreat so much favor of you for my friend as to direct and attend you to his meeting? Upon my soul, he loves you extremely. Approve it, sweet Hesperida, will you?

28Faith, I had very little confidence in mine own constancy if I durst not meet a man. But brother Prospero, this motion of yours savors of an old knight-adventurer's servant, methinks.

29What's that, sister?

30Marry, of the squire.

31No matter, Hesperida, if it did. I would be such an one for my friend. But say, will you go?

32Brother, I will, and bless my happy stars.

33Why, what villainy is this? My man gone on a false message, and run away when he has done? Why, what trick is there in it, trow?

42 [To Hesperida]But did you, mistress, see my man bring him a message?

43That we did, Master Doctor.

44And whither went the knave?

45To the tavern, I think, sir.

46What, did Thorello give him anything to spend for the message he brought him? If he did, I should commend my man's wit exceedingly if he would make himself drunk with the joy of it. Farewell, lady. Keep good rule, you two, I beseech you now. By God's marry, my man makes me laugh!

1I wonder, signor, what they will say of my going away, ha?

2Why, what should they say, but as of a discreet gentleman, quick, wary, respectful of nature's fair lineaments, and that's all?

3Why, so, but what can they say of your beating?

4A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a kind of gross battery used, laid on strongly, borne most patiently, and that's all.

5Ay, but would any man have offered it in Venice?

6Tut, I assure you, no. You shall have there your nobilis, your gentilezza, come in bravely upon your reverse, stand you close, stand you firm, stand you fair, save your retricato with his left leg, come to the assalto with the right, thrust with brave steel, defy your base wood. But wherefore do I awake this remembrance? I was bewitched, by Jesu! But I will be revenged.

7Do you hear? Is't not best to get a warrant, and have him arrested and brought before Doctor Clement?

8It were not amiss. Would we had it!

9Why, here comes his man. Let's speak to him.

10Agreed. Do you speak.

11 [To Musco]God save you, sir.

12With all my heart, sir.

13Sir, there is one Giuliano hath abused this gentleman and me, and we determine to make our amends by law. Now, if you would do us the favor to procure us a warrant for his arrest of your master, you shall be well considered, I assure, i'faith, sir.

14Sir, you know my service is my living. Such favors as these gotten of my master is his only preferment, and therefore you must consider me as I may make benefit of my place.

15How is that?

16Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, and the gentleman may be of great account. Yet, be what he will, if you will lay me down five crowns in my hand, you shall have it; otherwise, not.

17How shall we do, signor? You have no money?

18Not a cross, by Jesu.

19Nor I, before God, but two pence, left of my two shillings in the morning for wine and cakes. Let's give him some pawn.

20Pawn? We have none to the value of his demand.

21Oh, Lord, man, I'll pawn this jewel in my ear, and you may pawn your silk stockings, and pull up your boots. They will ne'er be missed.

22Well, an there be no remedy, I'll step aside and put them off.

23 [To Musco]Do you hear, sir? We have no store of money at this time, but you shall have good pawns — look you, sir, this jewel and this gentleman's silk stockings — because we would have it dispatched ere we went to our chambers.

24I am content, sir. I will get you the warrant presently. What's his name, say you? Giuliano?

25Ay, ay, Giuliano.

26What manner of man is he?

27A tall, big man, sir. He goes in a cloak most commonly of silk russet, laid about with russet lace.

28'Tis very good, sir.

29Here, sir, here's my jewel.

30And here are stockings.

31Well, gentlemen, I'll procure this warrant presently and appoint you a varlet of the city to serve it. If you'll be upon the Rialto anon, the varlet shall meet you there.

32Very good, sir. I wish no better.

33This is rare! Now will I go pawn this cloak of the Doctor's man at the broker's for a varlet's suit, and be the varlet myself, and get either more pawns or more money of Giuliano for my arrest.

32Oh, sister, did you see my cloak?

33Not I, I see none.

34God's life, I have lost it, then. Saw you Hesperida?

35Hesperida? Is she not at home?

36No, she is gone abroad, and nobody can tell me of it at home.

39 [To Thorello]Go with thee? I'll go with thee to thy shame, I warrant thee.

40Why, what's the matter? What's here to do?

44 [To Tib]Do you hear? Did I not charge you keep your doors shut here, and do you let them lie open for all comers? (Cob beats his wife.) [She fights back.]Do you scratch?

45Friend, have patience. If she have done wrong in this, let her answer it before the magistrate.

46 [To Tib]Ay, come, you shall go afore the Doctor.

47Nay, I will go. I'll see an you may be allowed to beat your poor wife thus at every cuckoldly knave's pleasure. The devil and the pox take you all for me! Why do you not go now?

1Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself, being in this varlet's suit. A man of my present profession never counterfeits till he lay hold upon a debtor and says he 'rests him, for then he brings him to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings we are, bearing the diminutive of a mace made like a young artichoke that always carries pepper and salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I undergo by this exploit. Pray God I come well off.

2See, I think yonder is the varlet.

3Let's go in quest of him.

4 [To Musco]God save you, friend. Are not you here by the appointment of Doctor Clement's man?

5Yes, an please you, sir. He told me two gentlemen had willed him to procure an arrest upon one Signor Giuliano by a warrant from his master, which I have about me.

6It is honestly done of you both. And see where he comes you must arrest. Upon him, for God's sake, before he be ware!

7Bear back, Matheo!

8Signor Giuliano, I arrest you, sir, in the duke's name.

9Signor Giuliano? Am I Signor Giuliano? I am one Signor Stephano, I tell you, and you do not well, by God's lid, to arrest me, I tell you truly. I am not in your master's books, I would you should well know. Ay, and a plague of God on you for making me afraid thus!

10Why, how are you deceived, gentlemen!

11He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us. But see, here 'a comes. Officer, this is he.

12 [To Stephano]Why, how now, Signor Gull, are you turned filcher of late? Come, deliver my cloak.

13Your cloak, sir? I bought it even now in the market.

14Signor Giuliano, I must arrest you, sir.

15Arrest me, sir? At whose suit?

16At these two gentlemen's.

17I obey thee, varlet; but for these villains —

18Keep the peace, I charge you, sir, in the duke's name, sir.

19What's the matter, varlet?

20You must go before Master Doctor Clement, sir, to answer what these gentlemen will object against you. Hark you, sir, I will use you kindly.

21 [To Giuliano]We'll be even with you, sir. — Come, Signor Bobadilla, we'll go before and prepare the Doctor. — Varlet, look to him.

22The varlet is a tall man, by Jesu.

23Away, you rascals! Exeunt Bobadilla and Matheo. [To Stephano]Signor, I shall have my cloak.

24Your cloak? I say once again I bought it, and I'll keep it.

25You will keep it?

26Ay, that I will.

27 [To Musco]Varlet, stay! Here's thy fee. Arrest him.

28Signor Stephano, I arrest you.

29Arrest me? There, take your cloak; I'll none of it.

30Nay, that shall not serve your turn. — Varlet, bring him away. I'll go with thee now to the Doctor's. And carry him along.

31Why, is not here your cloak? What would you have?

32I care not for that.

33I pray you, sir.

34Never talk of it. I will have him answer it.

35Well, sir, then I'll leave you. I'll take this gentleman's word for his appearance, as I have done yours.

36Tut, I'll have no words taken. Bring him along to answer it.

37Good sir, I pity the gentleman's case. Here's your money again.

38God's bread, tell not me of my money. Bring him away, I say.

39I warrant you, he will go with you of himself.

40Yet more ado?

41[Aside]I have made a fair mash of it.

42Must I go?

1Nay, but stay, stay. Give me leave. [To a Servant]My chair, sirrah. — You, Signor Lorenzo, say you went thither to meet your son?

2Ay, sir.

3But who directed you thither?

4That did my man, sir.

5Where is he?

6Nay, I know not now. I left him with your clerk, and appointed him to stay here for me.

7About what time was this?

8Marry, between one and two, as I take it.

9So, what time came my man with the message for you, Signor Thorello?

10After two, sir.

11Very good. — But lady, how that you were at Cob's, ha?

12An please you, sir, I'll tell you. My brother Prospero told me that Cob's house was a suspected place.

13So it appears, methinks. But on.

14And that my husband used thither daily.

15No matter, so he use himself well.

16True, sir, but you know what grows by such haunts oftentimes.

17Ay, rank fruits of a jealous brain, lady. But did you find your husband there in that case, as you suspected?

18I found her there, sir.

19Did you so? That alters the case. Who gave you knowledge of your wife's being there?