The Changeling Changeling The EMOTHE0170

Texto utilizado para esta edición digital:
Middleton, Thomas, and William Rowley. The Changeling. Edited by Joost Daalder. For the EMOTHE collection. 2015. Based on Joost Daalder’s New Mermaids edition (London: A C & Black, 1990). ©Joost Daalder

Adaptación digital para EMOTHE:

Tronch Pérez, Jesus (Artelope)

Nota a la edición digital

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

VERMANDERO, father to Beatrice

TOMAZO DE PIRACQUO, a noble lord

ALONZO DE PIRACQUO, his brother, suitor to Beatrice

ALSEMERO, a nobleman, afterwards married to Beatrice

JASPERINO, his friend

ALIBIUS, a jealous doctor

LOLLIO, his man

PEDRO, friend to Antonio

ANTONIO, the changeling

FRANCISCUS, the counterfeit madman

DE FLORES, servant to Vermandero

MADMEN

SERVANTS

BEATRICE, [also called JOANNA or BEATRICE JOANNA], daughter to Vermandero

DIAPHANTA, her waiting woman

ISABELLA, wife to Alibius

The scene: Alicant

Act I [, Scene i]

Enter ALSEMERO

[ALSEMERO]

’Twas in the temple where I first beheld her,

And now again the same. What omen yet

Follows of that? None but imaginary:

Why should my hopes of fate be timorous?

The place is holy, so is my intent:

I love her beauties to the holy purpose,

And that, methinks, admits comparison

With man’s first creation, the place blest,

And is his right home back, if he achieve it.

The church hath first begun our interview,

And that’s the place must join us into one;

So there’s beginning, and perfection too.

Enter JASPERINO

JASPERINO

O sir, are you here? Come, the wind’s fair with you;

Y’are like to have a swift and pleasant passage.

ALSEMERO

Sure y’are deceivèd, friend; ’tis contrary

In my best judgement.

JASPERINO

What, for Malta?

If you could buy a gale amongst the witches

They could not serve you such a lucky pennyworth

As comes a’ God’s name.

ALSEMERO

Even now I observed

The temple’s vane to turn full in my face;

I know it is against me.

JASPERINO

Against you?

Then you know not where you are.

ALSEMERO

Not well indeed.

JASPERINO

Are you not well, sir?

ALSEMERO

Yes, Jasperino;

Unless there be some hidden malady

Within me that I understand not.

JASPERINO

And that

I begin to doubt, sir. I never knew

Your inclinations to travels at a pause,

With any cause to hinder it, till now.

Ashore you were wont to call your servants up,

And help to trap your horses for the speed;

At sea I have seen you weigh the anchor with ’em,

Hoist sails for fear to lose the foremost breath,

Be in continual prayers for fair winds:

And have you changed your orisons?

ALSEMERO

No, friend,

I keep the same church, same devotionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables: “de-vo-ti-on”.

JASPERINO

Lover I’m sure y’are none, the stoic was

Found in you long ago; your mother nor

Best friends, who have set snares of beauty (ay,

And choice ones, too), could never trap you that way.

What might be the cause?

ALSEMERO

Lord, how violent

Thou art! I was but meditating of

Somewhat I heard within the temple.

JASPERINO

Is this

Violence? ’Tis but idleness compared

With your haste yesterday.

ALSEMERO

I’m all this while a-going, man.

Enter SERVANTS

JASPERINO

Backwards, I think, sir. Look, your servants.

1 SERVANT

The seamen call; shall we board your trunks?

ALSEMERO

No, not today.

JASPERINO

’Tis the critical day,

It seems, and the sign in Aquarius.

2 SERVANT

[Aside] We must not to sea today; this smoke will bring forth fire!

ALSEMERO

Keep all on shore; I do not know the end,

Which needs I must do, of an affair in hand

Ere I can go to sea.

1 SERVANT

Well, your pleasure.

2 SERVANT

[Aside] Let him e’en take his leisure too; we are safer on land.

Exeunt SERVANTS

Enter BEATRICE, DIPHANTA, and SERVANTS

[ALSEMERO greets BEATRICE and kisses her]

JASPERINO

[Aside] How now! The laws of the Medes are changed sure! Salute a woman? He kisses too. Wonderful! Where learnt he this? And does it perfectly too; in my conscience, he

ne’er rehearsed it before. Nay, go on; this will be stranger and better news at Valencia than if he had ransomed half Greece from the Turk.

BEATRICE

You are a scholar, sir?

ALSEMERO

A weak one, lady.

BEATRICE

Which of the sciences is this love you speak of?

ALSEMERO

From your tongue I take it to be music.

BEATRICE

You are skillful in’t, can sing at first sight.

ALSEMERO

And I have showed you all my skill at once.

I want more words to express me further,

And must be forced to repetitionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as five syllables: “re-pe-ti-ti-on”.

I love you dearly.

BEATRICE

Be better advised, sir:

Our eyes are sentinels unto our judgements,

And should give certain judgement what they see;

But they are rash sometimes, and tell us wonders

Of common things, which when our judgements find,

They can then check the eyes, and call them blind.

ALSEMERO

But I am further, lady; yesterday

Was mine eyes’ employment, and hither now

They brought my judgement, where are both agreed.

Both houses then consenting, ’tis agreed;

Only there wants the confirmationN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as five syllables: “con-fir-ma-ti-on”.

By the hand royal − that is your part, lady.

BEATRICE

O there’s one above me, sir.

[Aside]

– For five days past

To be recalled! Sure, mine eyes were mistaken:

This was the man was meant me. That he should come

So near his time, and miss it!

JASPERINO

[Aside] We might have come by the carriers from Valencia, I see, and saved all our sea-provision; we are at farthest, sure. Methinks I should do something too − I meant to be a venture in this voyage. Yonder’s another vessel; I’ll

board her. If she be lawful prize, down goes her top-sail.

[Greets DIAPHANTA]

Enter DE FLORES

DE FLORES

Lady, your father −

BEATRICE

Is in health, I hope.

DE FLORES

Your eye shall instantly instruct you, lady.

He’s coming hitherward.

BEATRICE

What needed then

Your duteous preface? I had rather

He had come unexpected: you must stall

A good presence with unnecessary blabbing,

And how welcome for your part you are

I’m sure you know.

DE FLORES

[Aside]

Will’t never mend, this scorn,

100

One side nor other? Must I be enjoined

To follow still whilst she flies from me? Well,

Fates, do your worst; I’ll please myself with sight

Of her, at all opportunities,

If but to spite her anger. I know she had

105

Rather see me dead than living − and yet

She knows no cause for’t but a peevish will.

ALSEMERO

You seemed displeased, lady, on the sudden.

BEATRICE

Your pardon, sir; ’tis my infirmity.

Nor can I other reason render you

110

Than his or hers, of some particular thing

They must abandon as a deadly poison

Which to a thousand other tastes were wholesome.

Such to mine eyes is that same fellow there,

The same that report speaks of, the basilisk.

ALSEMERO

115

This is a frequent frailty in our nature.

There’s scarce a man amongst a thousand found

But hath his imperfection: one distastes

The scent of roses, which to infinites

Most pleasing is, and odoriferous;

120

One oil, the enemy of poisonN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with three syllables: “po-i-son”.

;

Another wine, the cheerer of the heart

And lively refresher of the countenance.

Indeed this fault, if so it be, is general:

There’s scarce a thing but is both loved and loathed.

125

Myself, I must confess, have the same frailty.

BEATRICE

And what may be your poison, sir? I am bold with you.

ALSEMERO

What might be your desire perhaps: a cherry.

BEATRICE

I am no enemy to any creature

My memory has but yon gentleman.

ALSEMERO

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He does ill to tempt your sight, if he knew it.

BEATRICE

He cannot be ignorant of that, sir:

I have not spared to tell him so; and I want

To help myself, since he’s a gentleman

In good respect with my father, and follows him.

ALSEMERO

135

He’s out of his place then now.

[They talk apart]

JASPERINO

I am a mad wag, wench.

DIAPHANTA

So methinks; but for your comfort I can tell you we have a doctor in the city that undertakes the cure of such.

JASPERINO

Tush, I know what physic is best for the state of mine own

140

body.

DIAPHANTA

’Tis scarce a well-governed state, I believe.

JASPERINO

I could show thee such a thing with an ingredient that we that would compound together, and if it did not tame the maddest blood i’ th’ town for two hours after, I’ll ne’er

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profess physic again.

DIAPHANTA

A little poppy, sir, were good to cause you sleep.

JASPERINO

Poppy? I’ll give thee a pop i’ th’ lips for that first, and begin there: [He kisses her] poppy is one simple indeed, and cuckoo what-you-call’t another. I’ll discover no more

150

now; another time I’ll show thee all.

BEATRICE

My father, sir.

Enter VERMANDERO and SERVANTS

VERMANDERO

O Joanna, I came to meet thee.

Your devotion’s ended?

BEATRICE

For this time, sir.

[Aside]

I shall change my saint, I fear me; I find

A giddy turning in me.

[To VERMANDERO]

Sir, this while

155

I am beholding to this gentleman

Who left his own way to keep me company,

And in discourse I find him much desirous

To see your castle. He hath deserved it, sir,

If ye please to grant it.

VERMANDERO

With all my heart, sir.

160

Yet there’s an article between: I must know

Your country. We use not to give surveyN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

Of our chief strengths to strangers: our citadels

Are placed conspicuous to outward view

On promonts’ tops, but within are secrets.

ALSEMERO

165

A ValencianN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables (“Va-len-ci-an”), with stress on the first and third syllables.

, sir.

VERMANDERO

A ValencianN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables (“Va-len-ci-an”), with stress on the first and third syllables.

That’s native, sir. Of what name, I beseech you?

ALSEMERO

Alsemero, sir.

VERMANDERO

Alsemero? Not the son

Of John de Alsemero?

ALSEMERO

The same, sir.

VERMANDERO

My best love bids you welcome.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

He was wont

170

To call me so, and then he speaks a most

Unfeignèd truth.

VERMANDERO

O sir, I knew your father;

We two were in acquaintance long ago

Before our chins were worth iulanN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “i-u-lan”.

down,

And so continued till the stamp of time

175

Had coined us into silver. Well, he’s gone;

A good soldier went with him.

ALSEMERO

You went together in that, sir.

VERMANDERO

No, by Saint Jaques; I came behind him.

Yet I have done somewhat too. An unhappy day

180

Swallowed him at last at GibraltarN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the final (not the second) syllable.

In fight with those rebellious Hollanders,

Was it not so?

ALSEMERO

Whose death I had revenged,

Or followed him in fate, had not the late league

Prevented me.

VERMANDERO

Ay, ay, ’twas time to breathe.−

185

O Joanna, I should ha’ told thee news:

I saw Piracquo lately.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

That’s ill news.

VERMANDERO

He’s hot preparing for this day of triumph:

Thou must be a bride within this sevennight.

ALSEMERO

[Aside]

Ha!

BEATRICE

Nay, good sir, be not so violent; with speed

190

I cannot render satisfactionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as five syllables: “sa-tis-fac-ti-on”.

Unto the dear companion of my soul,

Virginity, whom I thus long have lived with,

And part with it so rude and suddenly.

Can such friends divide, never to meet again,

195

Without a solemn farewell?

VERMANDERO

Tush, tush, there’s a toy.

ALSEMERO

[Aside]

I must now part, and never meet again

With any joy on earth.

[To VERMANDERO]

Sir, your pardon;

My affairs call on me.

VERMANDERO

How, sir? By no means;

Not changed so soon, I hope. You must see my castle,

200

And her best entertainment ere we part;

I shall think myself unkindly us’d else.

Come, come, let’s on; I had good hope your stay

Had been a while with us in Alicant:

I might have bid you to my daughter’s wedding.

ALSEMERO

205

[Aside]

He means to feast me, and poisons me beforehand.

[To VERMANDERO]

I should be dearly glad to be there, sir,

Did my occasions suit as I could wish.

BEATRICE

I shall be sorry if you be not there

When it is done, sir; − but not so suddenly.

VERMANDERO

210

I tell you, sir, the gentleman’s complete,

A courtierN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “cour-ti-er”.

and a gallantN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

, enriched

With many fair and noble ornaments.

I would not change him, for a son-in-law,

For any he in Spain, the proudest he;

215

And we have great ones, that you know.

ALSEMERO

He’s much

Bound to you, sir.

VERMANDERO

He shall be bound to me

As fast as this tie can hold him; I’ll want

My will else.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

I shall want mine if you do it.

VERMANDERO

But come, by the way I’ll tell you more of him.

ALSEMERO

220

[Aside]

How shall I dare to venture in his castle,

When he discharges murderers at the gate?

But I must on, for back I cannot go.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Not this serpent gone yet?

[Drops a glove]

VERMANDERO

Look, girl, thy glove’s fall’n.

Stay, stay. – De Flores, help a little.

[Exeunt VERMANDERO, ALSEMERO, JASPERINO, and SERVANTS]

DE FLORES

Here, lady.

[Offers the glove]

BEATRICE

225

Mischief on your officious forwardness!

Who bade you stoop? They touch my hand no more:

There, for t’other’s sake I part with this –

[Takes off and throws down the other glove]

Take ’em and draw thine own skin off with ’em.

Exeunt [BEATRICE, DIAPHANTA, and SERVANTS]

DE FLORES

Here’s a favour come, with a mischief! Now I know

230

She had rather wear my pelt tanned in a pair

Of dancing pumps than I should thrust my fingers

Into her sockets here. I know she hates me,

Yet cannot choose but love her.

No matter: if but to vex her I’ll haunt her still;

235

Though I get nothing else, I’ll have my will.

Exit

[Act I, Scene II]

Enter ALIBIUS and LOLLIO

ALIBIUS

Lollio, I must trust thee with a secret,

But thou must keep it.

LOLLIO

I was ever close to a secret, sir.

ALIBIUS

The diligence that I have found in thee,

The care and industry already past,

Assures me of thy good continuance.

Lollio, I have a wife.

LOLLIO

Fie, sir, ’tis too late to keep her secret; she’s known to be married all the town and country over.

ALIBIUS

Thou goest too fast, my Lollio. That knowledge

I allow no man can be barrèd it;

But there is a knowledge which is nearer,

Deeper and sweeter, Lollio.

LOLLIO

Well, sir, let us handle that between you and I.

ALIBIUS

’Tis that I go about, man. Lollio,

My wife is young.

LOLLIO

So much the worse to be kept secret, sir.

ALIBIUS

Why, now thou meet’st the substance of the point:

I am old, Lollio.

LOLLIO

No, sir, ’tis I am old Lollio.

ALIBIUS

Yet why may not this concordN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

and sympathize?

Old trees and young plants often grow together,

Well enough agreeing.

LOLLIO

Ay, sir, but the old trees raise themselves higher and

broader than the young plants.

ALIBIUS

Shrewd application! There’s the fearN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as two syllables: “fe-ar” (the “r” was clearly sounded).

, man.

I would wear my ring on my own finger;

Whilst it is borrowed it is none of mine,

But his that useth it.

LOLLIO

You must keep it on still then; if it but lie by, one or other will be thrusting into’t.

ALIBIUS

Thou conceiv’st me, Lollio; here thy watchful eye

Must have employment. I cannot always be

At home.

LOLLIO

I dare swear you cannot.

ALIBIUS

I must look out.

LOLLIO

I know’t, you must look out; ’tis every man’s case.

ALIBIUS

Here I do say must thy employment be:

To watch her treadings, and in my absence

Supply my place.

LOLLIO

I’ll do my best, sir; yet surely I cannot see who you should have cause to be jealous of.

ALIBIUS

Thy reason for that, Lollio? ’Tis a comfortable question.

LOLLIO

We have but two sorts of people in the house, and both

under the whip: that’s fools and madmen. The one has not wit enough to be knaves, and the other not knavery enough to be fools.

ALIBIUS

Ay, those are all my patients, Lollio.

I do profess the cure of either sort;

My trade, my living ’tis, I thrive by it.

But here’s the care that mixes with my thrift:

The daily visitants, that come to see

My brainsick patientsN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “pa-ti-ents”.

, I would not have

To see my wife. GallantsN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

I do observe

Of quick enticing eyes, rich in habits,

Of stature and proportion very comely:

These are most shrewd temptations, Lollio.

LOLLIO

They may be easily answered, sir. If they come to see the fools and madmen, you and I may serve the turn, and let

my mistress alone; she’s of neither sort.

ALIBIUS

’Tis a good ward; indeed, come they to see

Our madmen or our fools; let ’em see no more

Than what they come for. By that consequent

They must not see her: I’m sure she’s no fool.

LOLLIO

And I’m sure she’s no madman.

ALIBIUS

Hold that buckler fast, Lollio; my trust

Is on thee, and I account it firm and strong.

What hour is’t, Lollio?

LOLLIO

Towards belly-hour, sir.

ALIBIUS

Dinner time? Thou mean’st twelve o’clock?

LOLLIO

Yes, sir, for every part has his hour. We wake at six and look about us, that’s eye-hour; at seven we should pray, that’s knee-hour; at eight walk, that’s leg-hour; at nine gather flowers and pluck a rose, that’s nose-hour; at ten we

drink, that’s mouth-hour; at eleven lay about us for victuals, that’s hand-hour; at twelve go to dinner, that’s belly-hour.

ALIBIUS

Profoundly, Lollio! It will be long

Ere all thy scholars learn this lesson, and

I did look to have a new one ent’rèd: − stay,

I think my expectation is come home.

Enter PEDRO, and ANTONIO like an idiot

PEDRO

Save you, sir. My business speaks itself:

This sight takes off the labour of my tongue.

ALIBIUS

Ay, ay, sir,

’Tis plain enough; you mean him for my patient.

PEDRO

And if your pains prove but commodious, to give but some little strength to his sick and weak part of nature in him, these are [Gives money] but patterns to show you of the whole pieces that will follow to you, beside the charge

of diet, washing, and other necessaries fully defrayed.

ALIBIUS

Believe it, sir, there shall no care be wanting.

LOLLIO

Sir, an officer in this place may deserve something: the trouble will pass through my hands.

PEDRO

’Tis fit something should come to your hands then,

sir.

[Gives him money]

LOLLIO

Yes, sir, ’tis I must keep him sweet and read to him. What is his name?

PEDRO

His name is Antonio. Marry, we use but half to him, only Tony.

LOLLIO

100

Tony, Tony; ’tis enough, and a very good name for a fool. −What’s your name, Tony?

ANTONIO

He, he, he! Well, I thank you, cousin! He, he, he!

LOLLIO

Good boy! Hold up your head. – He can laugh: I perceive by that he is no beast.

PEDRO

105

Well, sir,

If you can raise him but to any height,

Any degree of wit − might he attain

(As I might say) to creep but on all four

Towards the chair of wit, or walk on crutches,

110

’Twould add an honour to your worthy pains,

And a great family might pray for you,

To which he should be heir, had he discretion

To claim and guide his own; assure you, sir,

He is a gentleman.

LOLLIO

115

Nay, there’s nobody doubted that; at first sight I knew him for a gentleman − he looks no other yet.

PEDRO

Let him have good attendance and sweet lodging.

LOLLIO

As good as my mistress lies in, sir; and as you allow us time and means, we can raise him to the higher degree of

120

discretion.

PEDRO

Nay, there shall no cost want, sir.

LOLLIO

He will hardly be stretched up to the wit of a magnifico.

PEDRO

O no, that’s not to be expected − far shorter will be enough.

LOLLIO

125

I warrant you [I’ll] make him fit to bear office in five weeks; I’ll undertake to wind him up to the wit of con- stable.

PEDRO

If it be lower than that, it might serve turn.

LOLLIO

No, fie, to level him with a headborough, beadle, or

130

watchman were but little better than he is; constable I’ll able him. If he do come to be a justice afterwards, let him thank the keeper. Or I’ll go further with you − say I do bring him up to my own pitch, say I make him as wise as myself.

PEDRO

135

Why, there I would have it.

LOLLIO

Well, go to; either I’ll be as arrant a fool as he, or he shall be as wise as I, and then I think ’twill serve his turn.

PEDRO

Nay, I do like thy wit passing well.

LOLLIO

Yes, you may. Yet if I had not been a fool, I had had more

140

wit than I have too: remember what state you find me in.

PEDRO

I will, and so leave you. Your best cares, I beseech you.

Exit PEDRO

ALIBIUS

Take you none with you; leave ’em all with us.

ANTONIO

O my cousin’s gone! Cousin, cousin, O!

LOLLIO

145

Peace, peace, Tony! You must not cry, child − you must be whipped if you do. Your cousin is here still: I am your cousin, Tony.

ANTONIO

He, he! Then I’ll not cry, if thou be’st my cousin! He, he, he!

LOLLIO

150

I were best try his wit a little, that I may know what form to place him in.

ALIBIUS

Ay, do, Lollio, do.

LOLLIO

I must ask him easy questions at first. − Tony, how many true fingers has a tailor on his right hand?

ANTONIO

155

As many as on his left, cousin.

LOLLIO

Good. And how many on both?

ANTONIO

Two less than a deuce, cousin.

LOLLIO

Very well answered. I come to you again, cousin Tony. How many fools goes to a wise man?

ANTONIO

160

Forty in a day sometimes, cousin.

LOLLIO

Forty in a day? How prove you that?

ANTONIO

All that fall out amongst themselves, and go to a lawyer to be made friends.

LOLLIO

A parlous fool! He must sit in the fourth form at least, I

165

perceive that. − I come again, Tony. How many knaves make an honest man?

ANTONIO

I know not that, cousin.

LOLLIO

No, the question is too hard for you. I’ll tell you, cousin: there’s three may make an honest man − a sergeant,

170

a jailor, and a beadle. The sergeant catches him, the jailor holds him, and the beadle lashes him. And if he be not honest then, the hangman must cure him.

ANTONIO

Ha, ha, ha! That’s fine sport, cousin!

ALIBIUS

This was too deep a question for the fool, Lollio.

LOLLIO

175

Yes, this might have served yourself, though I say’t. –

Once more, and you hall go play, Tony.

ANTONIO

Ay, play at push–pin, cousin, ha, he!

LOLLIO

So thou shalt. Say how many fools are here.

ANTONIO

Two, cousin, thou and I.

LOLLIO

180

Nay, y’are too forward there, Tony. Mark my question: how many fools and knaves are here? A fool before a knave, a fool behind a knave, between every two fools a knave: how many fools, how many knaves?

ANTONIO

I never learnt so far, cousin.

ALIBIUS

185

Thou putt’st too hard questions to him, Lollio.

LOLLIO

I’ll make him understand it easily. − Cousin, stand there.

ANTONIO

Ay, cousin.

LOLLIO

Master, stand you next the fool.

ALIBIUS

Well, Lollio?

LOLLIO

190

Here’s my place. Mark now, Tony, there[’s] a fool before a knave.

ANTONIO

That’s I, cousin.

LOLLIO

Here’s a fool behind a knave, that’s I; and between us two fools there is a knave, that’s my master. ’Tis but we three,

195

that’s all.

ANTONIO

We three, we three, cousin!

MADMEN within

1 [MADMAN]

(within) Put’s head i’ th’ pillory, the bread’s too little.

2 [MADMAN]

(within) Fly, fly, and he catches the swallow.

3 [MADMAN]

(within) Give her more onion, or the devil put the rope about her

200

crag.

LOLLIO

You may hear what time of day it is: the chimes of Bedlam goes.

ALIBIUS

Peace, peace, or the wire comes!

3 [MADMAN]

(within) Cat-whore, cat-whore, her permasant, her permasant!

ALIBIUS

205

Peace, I say! − Their hour’s come; they must be fed,

Lollio.

LOLLIO

There’s no hope of recovery of that Welsh madman was undone by a mouse that spoiled him a permasant; lost his wits for’t.

ALIBIUS

210

Go [you] to your charge, Lollio; I’ll to mine.

LOLLIO

Go you to your madmen’s ward; let me alone with your fools.

ALIBIUS

And remember my last charge, Lollio.

Exit

LOLLIO

Of which your patients do you think I am? − Come, Tony,

215

you must amongst your school-fellows now. There’s pretty scholars amongst ’em, I can tell you; there’s some of ’em at stultus, stulta, stultum.

ANTONIO

I would see the madmen, cousin, if they would not bite me.

LOLLIO

220

No, they shall not bite thee, Tony.

ANTONIO

They bite when they are at dinner, do they not, coz?

LOLLIO

They bite at dinner indeed, Tony. Well, I hope to get credit by thee; I like thee the best of all the scholars that ever I brought up, and thou shalt prove a wise man, or I’ll

225

prove a fool myself.

Exeunt

Act II [, Scene i]

Enter BEATRICE and JASPERINO severally

BEATRICE

O sir, I am ready now for that fair service

Which makes the name of friend sit glorious on you!

Good angels and this conduct be your guide;

[Gives a paper]

Fitness of time and place is there set down, sir.

JASPERINO

The joy I shall return rewards my service.

Exit

BEATRICE

How wise is Alsemero in his friend!

It is a sign he makes his choice with judgement.

Then I appear in nothing more approved

Than making choice of him;

For ’tis a principle, he that can choose

That bosom well who of his thoughts partakes,

Proves most discreet in every choice he makes

Methinks I love now with the eyes of judgement

And see the way to merit, clearly see it.

A true deserver like a diamond sparkles;

In darkness you may see him, that’s in absence,

Which is the greatest darkness falls on love:

Yet is he best discerned then,

With intellectual eyesight. What’s Piracquo

My father spends his breath for? And his blessing

Is only mine as I regard his name;

Else it goes from me, and turns head against me,

Transformed into a curse. Some speedy way

Must be rememb’rèd − he’s so forward too,

So urgent that way, scarce allows me breath

To speak to my new comforts.

Enter DE FLORES

DE FLORES

[Aside]

Yonder’s she.

Whatever ails me, now a-late especially

I can as well be hanged as refrain seeing her.

Some twenty times a day, nay not so little,

Do I force errands, frame ways and excuses

To come into her sight − and I have small reason for’t,

And less encouragement: for she baits me still

Every time worse than other, does profess herself

The cruelest enemy to my face in town,

At no hand can abide the sight of me,

As if danger or ill luck hung in my looks.

I must confess my face is bad enough,

But I know far worse has better fortune,

And not endured alone, but doted on:

And yet such pick-haired faces, chins like witches’,

Here and there five hairs, whispering in a corner,

As if they grew in fear one of another,

Wrinkles like troughs, where swine-deformity swills

The tears of perjury that lie there like wash

Fallen from the slimy and dishonest eye −

Yet such a one plucks sweets without restraint,

And has the grace of beauty to his sweet.

Though my hard fate has thrust me out to servitude,

I tumbled into th’ world a gentleman.

She turns her blessèd eye upon me now,

And I’ll endure all storms before I part with’t.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Again!

This ominous, ill-faced fellow more disturbs me

Than all my other passions.

DE FLORES

[Aside]

Now’t begins again;

I’ll stand this storm of hail though the stones pelt me.

BEATRICE

Thy business? What’s thy business?

DE FLORES

[Aside]

Soft and fair,

I cannot part so soon now.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

The villain’s fixed. −

[To DE FLORES]

Thou standing toad-pool!

DE FLORES

[Aside]

The shower falls amain now.

BEATRICE

Who sent thee? What’s thy errand? Leave my sight!

DE FLORES

My lord your father charged me to deliver

A message to you.

BEATRICE

What, another since?

Do’t and be hanged then; let me be rid of thee.

DE FLORES

True service merits mercy.

BEATRICE

What’s thy message?

DE FLORES

Let beauty settle but in patienceN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “pa-ti-ence”.

You shall hear all.

BEATRICE

A dallying, trifling torment!

DE FLORES

Signor Alonzo de Piracquo, lady,

Sole brother to Tomazo de Piracquo —

BEATRICE

Slave, when wilt make an end?

DE FLORES

[Aside]

Too soon I shall.

BEATRICE

What all this while of him?

DE FLORES

The said Alonzo,

With the foresaid Tomazo —

BEATRICE

Yet again?

DE FLORES

Is new alighted.

BEATRICE

Vengeance strike the news!

Thou thing most loathed, what cause was there in this

To bring thee to my sight?

DE FLORES

My lord your father

Charged me to seek you out.

BEATRICE

Is there no other

To send his errand by?

DE FLORES

It seems ’tis my luck

To be i’ th’ way still.

BEATRICE

Get thee from me!

DE FLORES

[Aside]

So!–

Why, am not I an ass to deviseN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the first syllable.

ways

Thus to be railed at? I must see her still;

I shall have a mad qualm within this hour again,

I know’t, and, like a common Garden-bull,

I do but take breath to be lugged again.

What this may bode I know not. I’ll despair the less

Because there’s daily precedents of bad faces

Beloved beyond all reason. These foul chops

May come into favour one day ’mongst his fellows.

Wrangling has proved the mistress of good pastime;

As children cry themselves asleep, I ha’ seen

Women have chid themselves a-bed to men.

Exit DE FLORES

BEATRICE

I never see this fellow but I think

Of some harm towards me: danger’s in my mind still,

I scarce leave trembling of an hourN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as two syllables (rhyming with “power”).

after.

The next good mood I find my father in

I’ll get him quite discarded. – O, I was

Lost in this small disturbance and forgot

Affliction’s fiercer torrent that now comes

To bear down all my comforts!

Enter VERMANDERO, ALONZO, TOMAZO

VERMANDERO

Y’are both welcome,

But an especial one belongs to you, sir,

To whose most noble name our love presents

The addition of a son, our son Alonzo.

ALONZO

100

The treasury of honour cannot bring forth

A title I should more rejoice in, sir.

VERMANDERO

You have improved it well. − Daughter, prepare:

The day will steal upon thee suddenly.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Howe’er, I will be sure to keep the night,

105

If it should come so near me.

[BEATRICE and VERMANDERO talk apart]

TOMAZO

Alonzo.

ALONZO

Brother?

TOMAZO

In troth I see small welcome in her eye.

ALONZO

Fie, you are too severe a censurer

Of love in all points; there’s no bringing on you

If lovers should mark everything a fault

110

Affection would be like an ill-set book

Whose faults might prove as big as half the volume.

BEATRICE

That’s all I do entreat.

VERMANDERO

It is but reasonable.

I’ll see what my son says to’t. − Son Alonzo,

Here’s a motion made but to reprieve

115

A maidenhead three days longer. The request

Is not far out of reason, for indeed

The former time is pinching.

ALONZO

Though my joys

Be set back so much time as I could wish

They had been forward, yet, since she desires it,

120

The time is set as pleasing as before;

I find no gladness wanting.

VERMANDERO

May I ever

Meet it in that point still. Y’are nobly welcome, sirs.

Exeunt VERMANDERO and BEATRICE

TOMAZO

So. Did you mark the dulness of her parting now?

ALONZO

What dullness? Thou art so exceptious still!

TOMAZO

125

Why, let it go then. I am but a fool

To mark your harms so heedfully.

ALONZO

Where’s the oversight?

TOMAZO

Come, your faith’s cozened in her, strongly cozened:

Unsettle your affection with all speed

Wisdom can bring it to; your peace is ruined else.

130

Think what a torment ’tis to marry one

Whose heart is leapt into another’s bosom:

If ever pleasure she receive from thee,

It comes not in thy name, or of thy gift −

She lies but with another in thine arms,

135

He the half father unto all thy children

In the conception; if he get ’em not,

She helps to get ’em for him, in his passions;

And how dangerous

And shameful her restraint may go in time to

140

It is not to be thought on without sufferings.

ALONZO

You speak as if she loved some other then.

TOMAZO

Do you apprehend so slowly?

ALONZO

Nay, and that

Be your fear only, I am safe enough.

Preserve your friendship and your counsel, brother,

145

For times of more distress; I should depart

An enemy, a dangerous, deadly one

To any but thyself that should but think

She knew the meaning of inconstancy,

Much less the use and practice. Yet w’are friends:

150

Pray let no more be urged − I can endure

Much, till I meet an injury to her,

Then I am not myself. Farewell, sweet brother;

How much w’are bound to heaven to depart lovingly!

Exit

TOMAZO

Why, here is love’s tame madness: thus a man

155

Quickly steals into his vexationN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables (“vex-a-ti-on”).

Exit

[Act II, Scene ii]

Enter DIAPHANTA and ALSEMERO

DIAPHANTA

The place is my charge; you have kept your hour,

And the reward of a just meeting bless you!

I hear my lady coming. CompleteN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the first syllable.

gentleman,

I dare not be too busy with my praises;

Th’are dangerous things to deal with.

Exit

ALSEMERO

This goes well.

These women are the ladies’ cabinets;

Things of most precious trust are lock[ed] into ’em.

Enter BEATRICE

BEATRICE

I have within mine eye all my desires;

Requests that holy prayers ascend heaven for,

And brings ’em down to furnish our defectsN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

Come not more sweet to our necessities

Than thou unto my wishes.

ALSEMERO

W’are so like

In our expressions, lady, that unless I borrow

The same words, I shall never find their equals.

[Kisses her]

BEATRICE

How happy were this meeting, this embrace,

If it were free from envy! This poor kiss,

It has an enemy, a hateful one

That wishes poison to’t. How well were I now

If there were none such name known as Piracquo,

Nor no such tie as the command of parents!

I should be but too much blessèd.

ALSEMERO

One good service

Would strike off both your fears, and I’ll go near it too,

Since you are so distressed. Remove the cause,

The command ceases; so there’s two fears blown out

With one and the same blast.

BEATRICE

Pray let me find you, sir;

What might that service be, so strangely happy?

ALSEMERO

The honourablest piece about man, valour.

I’ll send a challenge to Piracquo instantly.

BEATRICE

How? Call you that extinguishing of fear

When ’tis the only way to keep it flaming?

Are not you ventured in the actionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “ac-ti-on”.

That’s all my joys and comforts? Pray, no more, sir.

Say you prevailed, you’re danger’s and not mine then:

The law would claim you from me, or obscurity

Be made the grave to bury you alive.

I’m glad these thoughts come forth; O keep not one

Of this condition, sir! Here was a course

Found to bring sorrow on her way to death:

The tears would ne’er ha’ dried till dust had choked ’em.

Blood-guiltiness becomes a fouler visage;

[Aside]

− And now I think on one: I was too blame

I ha’ marred so good a market with my scorn.

’T had been done questionless: the ugliest creature

Creation framed for some use! Yet to see

I could not mark so much where it should be!

ALSEMERO

Lady.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Why, men of art make much of poison,

Keep one to expel another. Where was my art?

ALSEMERO

Lady, you hear not me.

BEATRICE

I do especially, sir.

The present times are not so sure of our side

As those hereafter may be; we must use ’em then

As thrifty folks their wealth, sparingly now,

Till the time opens.

ALSEMERO

You teach wisdom, lady.

BEATRICE

Within there! Diaphanta!

Enter DIAPHANTA

DIAPHANTA

Do you call, madam?

BEATRICE

Perfect your service, and conduct this gentleman

The private way you brought him.

DIAPHANTA

I shall, madam.

ALSEMERO

My love’s as firm as love e’er built upon.

Exeunt DIAPHANTA and ALSEMERO

Enter DE FLORES

DE FLORES

[Aside]

I have watched this meeting, and do wonder much

What shall become of t’other; I’m sure both

Cannot be served unless she transgress. Happily

Then I’ll put in for one; for if a woman

Fly from one point, from him she makes a husband,

She spreads and mounts then, like arithmetic,

One, ten, a hundred, a thousand, ten thousand −

Proves in time sutler to an army royal.

Now do I look to be most richly railed at,

Yet I must see her.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Why, put case I loathed him

As much as youth and beauty hates a sepulchre,

Must I needs show it? Cannot I keep that secret,

And serve my turn upon him? See, he’s here.

[To him]

De Flores.

DE FLORES

[Aside]

Ha, I shall run mad with joy!

She called me fairly by my name, De Flores,

And neither rogue nor rascal.

BEATRICE

What ha’ you done

To your face a-late? Y’have met with some good physician;

Y’have pruned yourself methinks: you were not wont

To look so amorously.

DE FLORES

[Aside]

Not I; −

’Tis the same physnomy, to a hair and pimple

Which she called scurvy scarce an hour ago.

How is this?

BEATRICE

Come hither, nearer, man!

DE FLORES

[Aside]

I’m up to the chin in heaven.

BEATRICE

Turn, let me see.

Faugh, ’tis but the heat of the liver, I perceive’t:

I thought it had been worse.

DE FLORES

[Aside]

Her fingers touched me!

She smells all amber.

BEATRICE

I’ll make a water for you shall cleanse this

Within a fortnight.

DE FLORES

With your own hands, lady?

BEATRICE

Yes, mine own, sir; in a work of cure

I’ll trust no other.

DE FLORES

[Aside]

’Tis half an act of pleasure

To hear her talk thus to me.

BEATRICE

When w’are used

To a hard face, it is not so unpleasing;

It mends still in opinion, hourly mends,

I see it by experience.

DE FLORES

[Aside]

I was blest

To light upon this minute; I’ll make use on’t.

BEATRICE

Hardness becomes the visage of a man well:

It argues service, resolution, manhood,

If cause were of employment.

DE FLORES

’Twould be soon seen,

If e’er your ladyship had cause to use it.

I would but wish the honour of a service

So happy as that mounts to.

BEATRICE

We shall try you. – O my De Flores!

DE FLORES

[Aside]

How’s that?

100

She calls me hers already, ‘my’ De Flores!

[To BEATRICE]

You were about to sigh out somewhat, madam?

BEATRICE

No, was I? I forgot. − O!

DE FLORES

There ’tis again,

The very fellow on’t.

BEATRICE

You are too quick, sir.

DE FLORES

There’s no excuse for’t now; I heard it twice, madam.

105

That sigh would fain have utterance; take pity on’t,

And lend it a free word. ’Las, how it labours

For liberty! I hear the murmur yet

Beat at your bosom.

BEATRICE

Would creationN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables: “cre-a-ti-on”.

−

DE FLORES

Ay, well said, that’s it.

BEATRICE

Had formed me man.

DE FLORES

110

Nay, that’s not it.

BEATRICE

O, ’tis the soul of freedom!

I should not then be forced to marry one

I hate beyond all depths; I should have power

Then to oppose my loathings, nay, remove ’em

For ever from my sight.

DE FLORES

O blest occasion! −

115

Without change to your sex, you have your wishes.

Claim so much man in me.

BEATRICE

In thee, De Flores?

There’s small cause for that.

DE FLORES

Put it not from me,

It’s a service that I kneel for to you.

[Kneels]

BEATRICE

You are too violent to mean faithfully.

120

There’s horror in my service, blood and danger;

Can those be things to sue for?

DE FLORES

If you knew

How sweet it were to me to be employed

In any act of yours, you would say then

I failed, and used not reverence enough

125

When I receive[d] the charge on’t.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

This is much, methinks;

Belike his wants are greedy, and to such

Gold tastes like angels’ food.

[To De Flores]

Rise.

DE FLORES

I’ll have the work first.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Possible his need

Is strong upon him.

[Gives him money]

− There’s to encourage thee;

130

As thou art forward and thy service dangerous,

Thy reward shall be precious.

DE FLORES

That I have thought on.

I have assured myself of that beforehand,

And know it will be precious; the thought ravishes!

BEATRICE

Then take him to thy fury.

DE FLORES

I thirst for him.

BEATRICE

135

Alonzo de Piracquo.

DE FLORES

His end’s upon him,

He shall be seen no more.

[Rises]

BEATRICE

How lovely now

Dost thou appear to me! Never was man

Dearlier rewarded.

DE FLORES

I do think of that.

BEATRICE

Be wondrous careful in the execution.

DE FLORES

140

Why, are not both our lives upon the cast?

BEATRICE

Then I throw all my fears upon thy service.

DE FLORES

They ne’er shall rise to hurt you.

BEATRICE

When the deed’s done,

I’ll furnish thee with all things for thy flight;

Thou may’st live bravely in another country.

DE FLORES

145

Ay, ay, we’ll talk of that hereafter.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

I shall rid myself

of two inveterate loathings at one time,

Piracquo, and his dog-face.

Exit

DE FLORES

O my blood!

Methinks I feel her in mine arms already,

Her wanton fingers combing out this beard,

150

And being pleasèd, praising this bad face.

Hunger and pleasure, they’ll commend sometimes

Slovenly dishes, and feed heartily on ’em,

Nay, which is stranger, refuse daintier for ’em.

Some women are odd feeders. − I’m too loud:

155

Here comes the man goes supperless to bed,

Yet shall not rise tomorrow to his dinner.

Enter ALONZO

ALONZO

De Flores.

DE FLORES

My kind, honorable lord?

ALONZO

I am glad I ha’ met with thee.

DE FLORES

Sir.

ALONZO

Thou canst show me

The full strength of the castle?

DE FLORES

That I can, sir.

ALONZO

160

I much desire it.

DE FLORES

And if the ways and straits

Of some of the passages be not too tedious for you,

I will assure, you worth your time and sight, my lord.

ALONZO

Puh, that shall be no hindrance.

DE FLORES

I’m your servant, then.

’Tis now near dinner-time; ’gainst your lordship’s rising

165

I’ll have the keys about me.

ALONZO

Thanks, kind De Flores.

DE FLORES

[Aside]

He’s safely thrust upon me beyond hopes.

Exeunt

Act III [, Scene i]

Enter ALONZO and DE FLORES

(In the act-time De Flores hides a naked rapier)

DE FLORES

Yes, here are all the keys. I was afraid, my lord,

I’d wanted for the postern; this is it.

I’ve all, I’ve all, my lord; this for the sconce.

ALONZO

’Tis a most spacious and impregnable fort.

DE FLORES

You’ll tell me more, my lordN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as two syllables: “lo-rd” (like “lo-erd”, with the “r” clearly sounded).

. This descent

Is somewhat narrow, we shall never pass

Well with our weapons, they’ll but trouble us.

[Takes off his sword]

ALONZO

Thou sayest true.

DE FLORES

Pray let me help your lordship.

[Takes ALONZO’s sword]

ALONZO

’Tis done. Thanks, kind De Flores.

DE FLORES

Here are hooks, my lord,

To hang such things on purpose.

[Hangs up the swords]

ALONZO

Lead, I’ll follow thee.

Exeunt at one door and enter at the other

[Act III, Scene ii]

DE FLORES

All this is nothing; you shall see anon

A place you little dream on.

ALONZO

I am glad

I have this leisure; all your master’s house

Imagine I ha’ taken a gondola.

DE FLORES

All but myself, sir, −

[Aside]

which makes up my safety.

[To ALONSO]

My lord, I’ll place you at a casement here

Will show you the full strength of all the castle.

Look, spend your eye a while upon that object.

ALONZO

Here’s rich variety, De Flores.

DE FLORES

Yes, sir.

ALONZO

Goodly munition.

DE FLORES

Ay, there’s ordnance, sir −

No bastard metal − will ring you a peal like bells

At great men’s funerals. Keep your eye straight, my lord,

Take special notice of that sconce before you:

There you may dwell awhile.

[Takes up the rapier]

ALONZO

I am upon’t.

DE FLORES

And so am I.

[Stabs him]

ALONZO

De Flores! O De Flores!

Whose malice hast thou put on?

DE FLORES

Do you question

A work of secrecy? I must silence you.

[Stabs him]

ALONZO

O, O, O!

DE FLORES

I must silence you.

[Stabs him; he dies]

So, here’s an undertaking well accomplished.

This vault serves to good use now. − Ha! What’s that

Threw sparkles in my eye? − O, ’tis a diamond

He wears upon his finger. It was well found:

This will approve the work. What, so fast on?

Not part in death? I’ll take a speedy course then:

Finger and all shall off.

[Cuts off the finger]

So, now I’ll clear

The passages from all suspectN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

or fear.

Exit with body

[Act III, Scene iii]

Enter ISABELLA and LOLLIO

ISABELLA

Why, sirrah? Whence have you commissionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables: “com-mi-ssi-on”.

To fetter the doors against me? If you

Keep me in a cage, pray whistle to me,

Let me be doing something.

LOLLIO

You shall be doing, if it please you; I’ll whistle to you if you’ll pipe after.

ISABELLA

Is it your master’s pleasure, or your own

To keep me in this pinfold?

LOLLIO

’Tis for my master’s pleasure; lest, being taken in another

man’s corn, you might be pounded in another place.

ISABELLA

’Tis very well, and he’ll prove very wise.

LOLLIO

He says you have company enough in the house, if you please to be sociable, of all sorts of people.

ISABELLA

Of all sorts? Why, here’s none but fools and madmen.

LOLLIO

Very well: and where will you find any other, if you should go abroad? There’s my master, and I to boot too.

ISABELLA

Of either sort one, a madman and a fool.

LOLLIO

I would ev’n participate of both then, if I were as you: I know y’are half mad already; be half foolish too.

ISABELLA

Y’are a brave, saucy rascal. Come on, sir,

Afford me then the pleasure of your bedlam;

You were commending once today to me

Your last-come lunatic: what a proper

Body there was without brains to guide it,

And what a pitiful delight appeared

In that defectN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable .

, as if your wisdom had found

A mirth in madness. Pray, sir, let me partake,

If there be such a pleasure.

LOLLIO

If I do not show you the handsomest, discreetest madman,

one that I may call the understanding madman, then say I am a fool.

ISABELLA

Well, a match: I will say so.

LOLLIO

When you have [had] a taste of the madman, you shall, if you please, see Fools’ College, o’ th’ [other] side. I seldom

lock there; ’tis but shooting a bolt or two, and you are amongst ’em. Exit Enter presently − Come on, sir, let me see how handsomely you’ll behave yourself now.

Enter FRANCISCUS

FRANCISCUS

How sweetly she looks! O, but there’s a wrinkle in her

brow as deep as philosophy. – Anacreon, drink to my mistress’ health, I’ll pledge it. Stay, stay, there’s a spider in the cup! No, ’tis but a grape-stone; swallow it, fear northing, poet. So, so; lift, higher.

ISABELLA

Alack, alack, ’tis too full of pity

To be laughed at. How fell he mad? Canst thou tell?

LOLLIO

For love, mistress. He was a pretty poet too, and that set him forwards first. The Muses then forsook him; he ran mad for a chambermaid, yet she was but a dwarf neither.

FRANCISCUS

Hail bright Titania!

Why stand’st thou idle on these flow’ry banks?

Oberon is dancing with his DryadesN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “Dry-a-des”.

;

I’ll gather daisies, primrose, violets,

And bind them in a verse of poesy.

[Approaches Isabella]

LOLLIO

Not too near! You see your danger.

[Holds up a whip]

FRANCISCUS

O hold thy hand, great Diomed!

Thou feed’st thy horses well, they shall obey thee.

Get up, Bucephalus kneels.

[Kneels]

LOLLIO

You see how I awe my flock. A shepherd has not his dog at

ErrorMetrica

more obedience.

ISABELLA

His conscience is unquiet; sure that was

The cause of this. A proper gentleman.

FRANCISCUS

Come hither, Aesculapius. Hide the poison.

LOLLIO

Well, ’tis hid.

[Hides the whip]

FRANCISCUS

[Rising]

Didst thou never hear of one Tiresias,

A famous poet?

LOLLIO

Yes, that kept tame wild-geese.

FRANCISCUS

That’s he; I am the man.

LOLLIO

No!

FRANCISCUS

Yes. But make no words on’t; I was a man

Seven years ago −

LOLLIO

A stripling, I think you might −

FRANCISCUS

Now I’m a woman, all feminine.

LOLLIO

I would I might see that.

FRANCISCUS

Juno struck me blind.

LOLLIO

I’ll ne’er believe that; for a woman, they say, has an eye more than a man.

FRANCISCUS

I say she struck me blind.

LOLLIO

And Luna made you mad: you have two trades to beg with.

FRANCISCUS

Luna is now big-bellied, and there’s room

For both of us to ride with HecateN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “He-ca-te” (with stress on the first and third syllables).

;

I’ll drag thee up into her silver sphere,

And there we’ll kick the dog – and beat the bush −

That barks against the witches of the night;

The swift lycanthropi that walks the round,

We’ll tear their wolvish skins, and save the sheep.

[Tries to seize LOLLIO]

LOLLIO

Is’t come to this? Nay, then my poison comes forth again: [Shows the whip] mad slave indeed − abuse your keeper!

ISABELLA

I prithee, hence with him, now he grows dangerous.

FRANCISCUS

Sing[s]

Sweet love pity me, give me;

Give me leave to lie with thee.

LOLLIO

No, I’ll see you wiser first. To your own kennel!

FRANCISCUS

No noise, she sleeps; draw all the curtains round,

Let no soft sound molest the pretty soul

But love, and love creeps in at a mouse-hole.

LOLLIO

I would you would get into your hole. Exit FRANCISCUS Now, mistress, I will bring you another sort: you shall be fooled another while. − Tony, come hither, Tony! Look who’s yonder, Tony.

Enter ANTONIO

ANTONIO

100

Cousin, is it not my aunt?

LOLLIO

Yes, ’tis one of ’em, Tony.

ANTONIO

He, he! How do you, uncle?

LOLLIO

Fear him not, mistress, ’tis a gentle nigget; you may play with him, as safely with him as with his bauble.

ISABELLA

105

How long hast thou been a fool?

ANTONIO

Ever since I came hither, cousin.

ISABELLA

Cousin? I’m none of thy cousin, fool.

LOLLIO

O mistress, fools have always so much wit as to claim their kindred.

MADMAN

110

within Bounce, bounce! He falls, he falls!

ISABELLA

Hark you, your scholars in the upper room

Are out of order.

LOLLIO

Must I come amongst you there? − Keep you the fool, mistress; I’ll go up and play left-handed Orlando amongst

115

the madmen.

Exit

ISABELLA

Well, sir.

ANTONIO

’Tis opportuneful now, sweet lady! Nay,

Cast no amazing eye upon this change.

ISABELLA

Ha!

ANTONIO

120

This shape of folly shrouds your dearest love,

The truest servant to your powerful beauties,

Whose magic had this force thus to transform me.

ISABELLA

You are a fine fool indeed.

ANTONIO

O, ’tis not strange!

Love has an intellect that runs through all

125

The scrutinous sciences and, like a cunning poet,

Catches a quantity of every knowledge,

Yet brings all home into one mystery,

Into one secretN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “se-cr-et” (like “se-cer-et”, with the “r” clearly sounded).

, that he proceeds in.

ISABELLA

Y’are a parlous fool.

ANTONIO

130

No danger in me; I bring nought but love

And his soft-wounding shafts to strike you with.

Try but one arrow; if it hurt you, I

Will stand you twenty back in recompense.

[Kisses her]

ISABELLA

A forward fool too!

ANTONIO

This was love’s teaching:

135

A thousand ways he fashioned out my way,

And this I found the safest and [the] nearest

To tread the GalaxiaN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the third syllable: “Galaxía”.

to my star.

ISABELLA

Profound withal! Certain you dreamed of this;

Love never taught it waking.

ANTONIO

Take no acquaintance

140

Of these outward follies. There is within

A gentleman that loves you.

ISABELLA

When I see him,

I’ll speak with him; so in the meantime keep

Your habit, it becomes you well enough.

As you are a gentleman, I’ll not discover you;

145

That’s all the favour that you must expect.

When you are weary, you may leave the school,

For all this while you have but played the fool.

Enter LOLLIO

ANTONIO

And must again. − He, he! I thank you, cousin;

I’ll be your valentine tomorrow morning.

LOLLIO

150

How do you like the fool, mistress?

ISABELLA

Passing well, sir.

LOLLIO

Is he not witty, pretty well, for a fool?

ISABELLA

If he hold on as he begins, he is like

To come to something.

LOLLIO

155

Ay, thank a good tutor. You may put him to’t; he begins to answer pretty hard questions. − Tony, how many is five times six?

ANTONIO

Five times six is six times five.

LOLLIO

What arithmetician could have answered better? How

160

many is one hundred and seven?

ANTONIO

One hundred and seven is seven hundred and one, cousin.

LOLLIO

This is no wit to speak on! − Will you be rid of the fool now?

ISABELLA

165

By no means; let him stay a little.

MADMAN

within Catch there, catch the last couple in hell!

LOLLIO

Again! Must I come amongst you? Would my master were come home! I am not able to govern both these wards together.

Exit

ANTONIO

170

Why should a minute of love’s hour be lost?

ISABELLA

Fie, out again! I had rather you kept

Your other posture; you become not your tongue

When you speak from your clothes.

ANTONIO

How can he freeze

Lives near so sweet a warmth? Shall I alone

175

Walk through the orchard of the Hesperides

And cowardly not dare to pull an apple?

This with the red cheeks I must venture for.

[Kisses her]

Enter LOLLIO above

ISABELLA

Take heed, there’s giants keep ’em.

LOLLIO

[Aside] How now, fool, are you good at that? Have you read Lipsius?

180

He’s past Ars Amandi; I believe I must put harder questions to him, I perceive that −

ISABELLA

You are bold without fear too.

ANTONIO

What should I fear,

Having all joys about me? Do you [but] smile,

And love shall play the wanton on your lip,

185

Meet and retire, retire and meet again;

Look you but cheerfully, and in your eyes

I shall behold mine own deformity,

And dress myself up fairer. I know this shape

Becomes me not, but in those bright mirrors

190

I shall array me handsomely.

LOLLIO

[Aside] Cuckoo, cuckoo −

Exit

[Enter] MADMEN above, some as birds, some as beasts

ANTONIO

What are these?

ISABELLA

Of fear enough to part us,

Yet are they but our schools of lunatics,

That act their fantasies in any shapes

195

Suiting their present thoughts: if sad, they cry;

If mirth be their conceit, they laugh again;

Sometimes they imitate the beasts and birds,

Singing or howling, braying, barking − all

As their wild fancies prompt ’em.

[Exeunt MADMEN above]

Enter LOLLIO

ANTONIO

These are no fears.

ISABELLA

200

But here’s a large one − my man.

ANTONIO

Ha, he! That’s fine sport indeed, cousin!

LOLLIO

I would my master were come home! ’Tis too much for one shepherd to govern two of these flocks. Nor can I believe that one churchman can instruct two benefices at

205

once: there will be some incurable mad of the one side, and very fools on the other. − Come, Tony.

ANTONIO

Prithee, cousin, let me stay here still.

LOLLIO

No, you must to your book now; you have played suf- ficiently.

ISABELLA

210

Your fool is grown wondrous witty.

LOLLIO

Well, I’ll say nothing, but I do not think but he will put you down one of these days.

Exeunt LOLLIO and ANTONIO

ISABELLA

Here the restrainèd current might make breach,

Spite of the watchful bankers. Would a woman stray,

215

She need not gad abroad to seek her sin,

It would be brought home one ways orN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as two syllables: “o-r” (like “o-er”, with the “r” clearly sounded).

other:

The needle’s point will to the fixèd north,

Such drawing arctics women’s beauties are.

Enter LOLLIO

LOLLIO

How dost thou, sweet rogue?

ISABELLA

220

How now?

LOLLIO

Come, there are degrees: one fool may be better than another.

ISABELLA

What’s the matter?

LOLLIO

Nay, if thou giv’st thy mind to fool’s-flesh, have at

225

thee!

[Tries to kiss her]

ISABELLA

You bold slave, you!

LOLLIO

I could follow now as t’other fool did:

‘What should I fear,

Having all joys about me? Do you smile,

230

And love shall play the wanton on your lip,

Meet and retire, retire and meet again;

Look you but cheerfully, and in your eyes

I shall behold mine own deformity,

And dress myself up fairer. I know this shape

235

Becomes me not –’

And so as it follows; but is not this the more foolish way? Come, sweet rogue, kiss me, my little Lacedaemonian. Let me feel how thy pulses beat. Thou hast a thing about thee would do a man pleasure − I’ll lay my hand on’t.

ISABELLA

240

Sirrah, no more! I see you have discovered

This love’s knight-errant, who hath made adventure

For purchase of my love. Be silent, mute,

Mute as a statue, or his injunctionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables: “in-junc-ti-on”.

For me enjoying shall be to cut thy throat:

245

I’ll do it, though for no other purpose, and

Be sure he’ll not refuse it.

LOLLIO

My share, that’s all! I’ll have my fool’s part with you.

ISABELLA

No more! Your master.

Enter ALIBIUS

ALIBIUS

Sweet, how dost thou?

ISABELLA

Your bounden servant, sir.

ALIBIUS

Fie, fie, sweetheart,

250

No more of that.

ISABELLA

You were best lock me up.

ALIBIUS

In my arms and bosom, my sweet Isabella,

I’ll lock thee up most nearly! − Lollio,

We have employment, we have task in hand.

At noble Vermandero’s, our castle-captain,

255

There is a nuptial to be solemnized −

Beatrice Joanna his fair daughter, bride −

For which the gentleman hath bespoke our pains:

A mixture of our madmen and our fools,

To finish, as it were, and make the fag

260

Of all the revels, the third night from the first.

Only an unexpected passage over,

To make a frightful pleasure, that is all −

But not the all I aim at. Could we so act it

To teach in a wild, distracted measure,

265

Though out of form and figure, breaking time’s head,

It were no matter (’twould be healed again

In one age orN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as two syllables: “o-r” (like “o-er”, with the “r” clearly sounded).

other, if not in this):

This, this, Lollio, there’s a good reward begun,

And will beget a bounty, be it known.

LOLLIO

270

This is easy, sir, I’ll warrant you. You have about you fools and madmen that can dance very well; and ’tis no wonder: your best dancers are not the wisest men – the reason is, with often jumping they jolt their brains down into their feet, that their wits lie more in their heels than in

275

their heads.

ALIBIUS

Honest Lollio, thou giv’st me a good reason,

And a comfort in it.

ISABELLA

Y’have a fine trade on’t;

Madmen and fools are a staple commodity.

ALIBIUS

O wife, we must eat, wear clothes, and live;

280

Just at the lawyer’s haven we arrive,

By madmen and by fools we both do thrive.

Exeunt

[Act III, Scene iv]

Enter VERMANDERO, ALSEMERO, JASPERINO, and BEATRICE

VERMANDERO

Valencia speaks so nobly of you, sir,

I wish I had a daughter now for you.

ALSEMERO

The fellow of this creature were a partner

For a king’s love.

VERMANDERO

I had her fellow once, sir,

But heaven has married her to joys eternal;

’Twere sin to wish her in this vale again.

Come, sir, your friend and you shall see the pleasures

Which my health chiefly joys in.

ALSEMERO

I hear the beauty of this seat largely.

VERMANDERO

It falls much short of that.

Exeunt

Manet BEATRICE

BEATRICE

So, here’s one step

Into my father’s favour; time will fix him.

I have got him now the liberty of the house.

So wisdom by degrees works out her freedom;

And if that eye be dark’nèd that offends me

(I wait but that eclipse), this gentleman

Shall soon shine glorious in my father’s liking

Through the refulgent virtue of my love.

Enter DE FLORES

DE FLORES

[Aside]

My thoughts are at a banquet for the deed;

I feel no weight in’t, ’tis but light and cheap

For the sweet recompense that I set down for’t.

BEATRICE

De Flores?

DE FLORES

Lady.

BEATRICE

Thy looks promise cheerfully.

DE FLORES

All things are answerable: time, circumstance,

Your wishes, and my service.

BEATRICE

Is it done then?

DE FLORES

Piracquo is no more.

BEATRICE

My joys start at mine eyes; our sweet’st delights

Are evermore born weeping.

DE FLORES

I’ve a token for you.

BEATRICE

For me?

DE FLORES

But it was sent somewhat unwillingly;

I could not get the ring without the finger.

[Shows her the finger]

BEATRICE

Bless me! What hast thou done?

DE FLORES

Why, is that more

Than killing the whole man? I cut his heart-strings.

A greedy hand thrust in a dish at court

In a mistake hath had as much as this.

BEATRICE

’Tis the first token my father made me send him.

DE FLORES

And I [have] made him send it back again

For his last token. I was loath to leave it,

And I’m sure dead men have no use of jewels.

He was as loath to part with’t, for it stuck

As if the flesh and it were both one substance.

BEATRICE

At the stag’s fall, the keeper has his fees;

’Tis soon applied: all dead men’s fees are yours, sir.

I pray, bury the finger; but the stone

You may make use on shortly − the true value,

Take’t of my truth, is near three hundred ducats.

DE FLORES

’Twill hardly buy a capcase for one’s conscience, though,

To keep it from the worm, as fine as ’tis.

Well, being my fees, I’ll take it;

Great men have taught me that, or else my merit

Would scorn the way on’t.

BEATRICE

It might justly, sir.

Why, thou mistak’st, De Flores: ’tis not given

In state of recompense.

DE FLORES

No, I hope so, lady;

You should soon witness my contempt to’t then.

BEATRICE

Prithee, thou look’st as if thou wert offended.

DE FLORES

That were strange, lady; ’tis not possible

My service should draw such a cause from you.

Offended? Could you think so? That were much

For one of my performance, and so warm

Yet in my service.

BEATRICE

’Twere misery in me to give you cause, sir.

DE FLORES

I know so much, it were so: misery

In her most sharp condition.

BEATRICE

’Tis resolved then;

Look you, sir, here’s three thousand golden florins:

I have not meanly thought upon thy merit.

DE FLORES

What? Salary? Now you move me.

BEATRICE

How, De Flores?

DE FLORES

Do you place me in the rank of verminous fellows,

To destroy things for wages? Offer gold

[For] the life blood of man! Is anything

Valued too precious for my recompense?

BEATRICE

I understand thee not.

DE FLORES

I could ha’ hired

A journeyman in murder at this rate,

And mine own conscience might have [had], and have had

The work brought home.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

I’m in a labyrinth;

What will content him? I would fain be rid of him.

[To DE FLORES]

I’ll double the sum, sir.

DE FLORES

You take a course

To double my vexation, that’s the good you do.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Bless me! I am now in worse plight than I was:

I know not what will please him.

[To DE FLORES]

– For my fear’s sake,

I prithee make away with all speed possible.

And if thou be’st so modest not to name

The sum that will content thee, paper blushes not;

Send thy demand in writing, it shall follow thee.

But prithee take thy flight.

DE FLORES

You must fly too then.

BEATRICE

DE FLORES

I’ll not stir a foot else.

BEATRICE

What’s your meaning?

DE FLORES

Why, are not you as guilty, in, I’m sure,

As deep as I? And we should stick together.

Come, your fears counsel you but ill: my absence

Would draw suspectN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

upon you instantly;

There were no rescue for you.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

He speaks home.

DE FLORES

Nor is it fit we two, engaged so jointly,

Should part and live asunder.

[Tries to kiss her]

BEATRICE

How now, sir?

This shows not well.

DE FLORES

What makes your lip so strange?

This must not be ’twixt us.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

The man talks wildly.

DE FLORES

Come, kiss me with a zeal now.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Heaven, I doubt him!

DE FLORES

I will not stand so long to beg ’em shortly.

BEATRICE

Take heed, De Flores, of forgetfulness,

’Twill soon betray us.

DE FLORES

Take you heed first;

Faith, y’are grown much forgetful, y’are to blame in’t.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

He’s bold, and I am blamed for’t.

DE FLORES

I have eased you

Of your trouble; think on’t. I’m in pain

And must be eased of you; ’tis a charity.

100

Justice invites your blood to understand me.

BEATRICE

I dare not.

DE FLORES

Quickly!

BEATRICE

O, I never shall!

Speak it yet further off, that I may lose

What has been spoken, and no sound remain on’t.

I would not hear so much offence again

105

For such another deed.

DE FLORES

Soft, lady, soft!

The last is not yet paid for. O, this act

Has put me into spirit: I was as greedy on’t

As the parched earth of moisture, when the clouds weep.

Did you not mark, I wrought myself into’t,

110

Nay, sued and kneeled for’t? Why was all that pains took?

You see I have thrown contempt upon your gold:

Not that I want it [not], for I do piteously −

In order I will come unto’t, and make use on’t −

But ’twas not held so precious to begin with,

115

For I place wealth after the heels of pleasure;

And were I not resolved in my belief

That thy virginity were perfect in thee,

I should but take my recompense with grudging,

As if I had but half my hopes I agreed for.

BEATRICE

120

Why, ’tis impossible thou canst be so wicked,

Or shelter such a cunning cruelty,

To make his death the murderer of my honour!

Thy language is so bold and viciousN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “vi-ci-ous”.

I cannot see which way I can forgive it

125

With any modesty.

DE FLORES

Push, you forget yourself!

A woman dipped in blood, and talk of modesty?

BEATRICE

O misery of sin! Would I had been bound

Perpetually unto my living hate

In that Piracquo, than to hear these words!

130

Think but upon the distance that creation

Set ’twixt thy blood and mine, and keep thee there.

DE FLORES

Look but into your conscience, read me there;

’Tis a true book, you’ll find me there your equal.

Push, fly not to your birth, but settle you

135

In what the act has made you; y’are no more now.

You must forget your parentage to me:

Y’are the deed’s creature; by that name you lost

Your first condition; and I challenge you,

As peace and innocency has turned you out

140

And made you one with me.

BEATRICE

With thee, foul villain?

DE FLORES

Yes, my fair murd’ress. Do you urge me,

Though thou writ’st ‘maid’, thou whore in thy affection?

’Twas changed from thy first love, and that’s a kind

Of whoredom in thy heart; and he’s changed now

145

To bring thy second on, thy Alsemero,

Whom (by all sweets that ever darkness tasted)

If I enjoy thee not, thou ne’er enjoy’st:

I’ll blast the hopes and joys of marriageN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “ma-rri-age”.

−

I’ll confessN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the first syllable.

all; my life I rate at nothing.

BEATRICE

150

De Flores!

DE FLORES

I shall rest from all plagues then;

I live in pain now: that love-shooting eye

Will burn my heart to cinders.

BEATRICE

O sir, hear me!

DE FLORES

She that in life and love refuses me,

In death and shame my partner she shall be.

BEATRICE

155

Stay, hear me once for all.

[Kneels]

− I make thee master

Of all the wealth I have in gold and jewels;

Let me go poor unto my bed with honour,

And I am rich in all things.

DE FLORES

Let this silence thee:

The wealth of all Valencia shall not buy

160

My pleasure from me.

Can you weep fate from its determined purpose?

So soon may [you] weep me.

BEATRICE

Vengeance begins;

Murder I see is followed by more sins.

Was my creation in the womb so curst

165

It must engender with a viper first?

DE FLORES

Come, rise and shroud your blushes in my bosom.

[Raises her]

Silence is one of pleasure’s best receipts:

Thy peace is wrought forever in this yielding.

’Las, how the turtle pants! Thou’lt love anon

170

What thou so fear’st and faint’st to venture on.

Exeunt

Act IV [, Scene i]

[Dumb show]

Enter GENTLEMEN, VERMANDERO meeting them with action of wonderment at the flight of PIRACQUO. Enter ALSEMERO, with JASPERINO and GALLANTS; VERMANDERO points to him, the GENTLEMEN seeming to applaud the choice. [Exeunt in procession VERMANDERO], ALSEMERO, JASPERINO and GENTLEMEN. [Enter] BEATRICE the bride, following in great state, accompanied with DIAPHANTA, ISABELLA, and other GENTLEWOMEN. [Enter] DE FLORES after all, smiling at the accident. ALONZO’s ghost appears to DE FLORES in the midst of his smile; startles him, showing him the hand whose finger he had cut off. They pass over in great solemnity.

Enter BEATRICE

BEATRICE

This fellow has undone me endlessly:

Never was bride so fearfully distressed.

The more I think upon th’ ensuing night,

And whom I am to cope with in embraces −

One who’s ennobled both in blood and mind,

So clear in understanding (that’s my plague now),

Before whose judgement will my fault appear

Like malefactors’ crimes before tribunals

(There is no hiding on’t) − the more I dive

Into my own distress. How a wise man

Stands for a great calamity! There’s no venturing

Into his bed, what course soe’er I light upon,

Without my shame, which may grow up to danger.

He cannot but in justice strangle me

As I lie by him, as a cheater use me;

’Tis a precious craft to play with a false die

Before a cunning gamester. Here’s his closet,

The key left in’t, and he abroad i’ th’ park;

Sure ’twas forgot, I’ll be so bold as look in’t.

[Opens closet]

Bless me! A right physician’s closet ’tis,

Set round with vials, every one her mark too.

Sure he does practice physic for his own use,

Which may be safely called your great man’s wisdom.

What manuscript lies here? ‘The Book of Experiment,

Called Secrets in Nature’; so ’tis, ’tis so

‘How to know whether a woman be with child or no.’

I hope I am not yet; if he should try though!

Let me see: ‘folio forty-five.’ Here ’tis;

The leaf tucked down upon’t, the place suspicious.

‘If you would know whether a woman be with child or not, give her two spoonfuls of the white water in glass C −’

ErrorMetrica

Where’s that glass C? O, yonder, I see’t now −

‘and if she be with child, she sleeps full twelve hours after; if not, not.’

ErrorMetrica

None of that water comes into my belly:

I’ll know you from a hundred. I could break you now,

Or turn you into milk, and so beguile

The master of the mystery, but I’ll look to you.

Ha! That which is next is ten times worse:

‘How to know whether a woman be a maid or not.’

If that should be applied, what would become of me?

Belike he has a strong faith of my purity,

That never yet made proof; but this he calls

‘A merry sleight, but true experiment, the author

Antonius Mizaldus. Give the party you suspect the quantity of a spoonful of the water in the glass M, which upon her that is a maid makes three several effects: ’twill make her incontinently gape, then fall into a sudden sneezing, last into a violent laughing; else dull, heavy, and lumpish.’

ErrorMetrica

Where had I been?

I fear it, yet ’tis seven hours to bedtime.

Enter DIAPHANTA

DIAPHANTA

Cuds, madam, are you here?

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Seeing that wench now,

A trick comes in my mind; ’tis a nice piece

Gold cannot purchase.

[To DIAPHANTA]

I come hither, wench,

To look my lord.

DIAPHANTA

[Aside]

Would I had such a cause

To look him too!

[To BEATRICE]

Why, he’s i’ th’ park, madam.

BEATRICE

There let him be.

DIAPHANTA

Ay, madam, let him compass

Whole parks and forests, as great rangers do;

At roosting time a little lodge can hold ’em.

Earth-conquering Alexander, that thought the world

Too narrow for him, in the end had but his pit-hole.

BEATRICE

I fear thou art not modest, Diaphanta.

DIAPHANTA

Your thoughts are so unwilling to be known, madam;

’Tis ever the bride’s fashion towards bed-time

To set light by her joys, as if she owed ’em not.

BEATRICE

Her joys? Her fears, thou would’st say.

DIAPHANTA

Fear of what?

BEATRICE

Art thou a maid, and talk’st so to a maid?

You leave a blushing businessN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “bu-si-ness”.

behind,

Beshrew your heart for’t!

DIAPHANTA

Do you mean good sooth, madam?

BEATRICE

Well, if I’d thought upon the fear at first,

Man should have been unknown.

DIAPHANTA

Is’t possible?

BEATRICE

I will give a thousand ducats to that woman

Would try what my fear were, and tell me true

Tomorrow, when she gets from’t; as she likes

I might perhaps be drawn to’t.

DIAPHANTA

Are you in earnest?

BEATRICE

Do you get the woman, then challenge me,

And see if I’ll fly from’t. But I must tell you

This by the way: she must be a true maid,

Else there’s no trial, my fears are not hers else.

DIAPHANTA

Nay, she that I would put into your hands, madam,

Shall be a maid.

BEATRICE

You know I should be shamed else,

Because she lies for me.

DIAPHANTA

’Tis a strange humour!

But are you serious still? Would you resign

Your first night’s pleasure, and give money too?

BEATRICE

As willingly as live.

[Aside]

− Alas, the gold

Is but a by-bet to wedge in the honour.

DIAPHANTA

[Aside]

I do not know how the world goes abroad

For faith or honesty; there’s both required in this. −

Madam, what say you to me, and stray no further?

I’ve a good mind, in troth, to earn your money.

BEATRICE

Y’are too quick, I fear, to be a maid.

DIAPHANTA

How? Not a maid? Nay, then, you urge me, madam!

Your honourable self is not a truer,

With all your fears upon you −

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Bad enough then.

DIAPHANTA

Than I with all my lightsome joys about me.

BEATRICE

I’m glad to hear’t. Then you dare put your honesty

Upon an easy trial?

DIAPHANTA

Easy? − Anything.

BEATRICE

I’ll come to you straight.

[Goes to the closet]

DIAPHANTA

[Aside]

She will not search me, will she,

Like the forewoman of a female jury?

BEATRICE

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[Aside]

Glass M: ay, this is it. − Look, Diaphanta,

You take no worse than I do.

[Drinks]

DIAPHANTA

And in so doing,

I will not question what ’tis, but take it.

[Drinks]

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Now if the experiment be true, ’twill praise itself,

And give me noble ease. − Begins already;

[DIAPHANTA gapes]

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There’s the first symptom. And what haste it makes

To fall into the second, there by this time!

[DIAPHANTA sneezes]

Most admirable secret! On the contrary,

It stirs not me a whit, which most concerns it.

DIAPHANTA

Ha, ha, ha!

BEATRICE

[Aside]

Just in all things, and in order,

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As if ’twere circumscribed; one accident

Gives way unto another.

DIAPHANTA

Ha, ha, ha!

BEATRICE

How now, wench?

DIAPHANTA

Ha, ha, ha! I am so − so light

At heart! Ha, ha, ha! − so pleasurable!

But one swig more, sweet madam.

BEATRICE

Ay, tomorrow;

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We shall have time to sit by’t.

DIAPHANTA

Now I’m sad again.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

It lays itself so gently too!

[To DIAPHANTA]

Come, wench;

Most honest Diaphanta I dare call thee now.

DIAPHANTA

Pray tell me, madam, what trick call you this?

BEATRICE

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I’ll tell thee all hereafter; we must study

The carriage of this business.

DIAPHANTA

I shall carry’t well,

Because I love the burden.

BEATRICE

About midnight

You must not fail to steal forth gently,

That I may use the place.

DIAPHANTA

O fear not, madam;

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I shall be cool by that time.

[Aside]

– The bride’s place,

And with a thousand ducats! I’m for a justice now:

I bring a portion with me; I scorn small fools.

Exeunt

[Act IV, Scene ii]

Enter VERMANDERO and SERVANT

VERMANDERO

I tell thee, knave, mine honour is in question,

A thing till now free from suspicionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables: “su-spi-ci-on”.

Nor ever was there cause. Who of my gentlemen

Are absent? Tell me, and truly, how many and who.

SERVANT

Antonio, sir, and Franciscus.

VERMANDERO

When did they leave the castle?

SERVANT

Some ten days since, sir, the one intending to Briamata, th’other for Valencia.

VERMANDERO

The time accuses ’em. A charge of murder

Is brought within my castle gate, Piracquo’s murder;

I dare not answer faithfully their absence.

A strict command of apprehensionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as five syllables: “a-ppre-hen-si-on”.

Shall pursue ’em suddenly, and either wipe

The stain off clear, or openly discover it.

Provide me wingèd warrants for the purpose.

Exit SERVANT

See, I am set on again.

Enter TOMAZO

TOMAZO

I claim a brother of you.

VERMANDERO

Y’are too hot;

Seek him not here.

TOMAZO

Yes, ’mongst your dearest bloods,

If my peace find no fairer satisfaction.

This is the place must yield account for him,

For here I left him; and the hasty tie

Of this snatched marriage gives strong testimony

Of his most certain ruin.

VERMANDERO

Certain falsehood!

This is the place indeed: his breach of faith

Has too much marred both my abusèd love −

The honourable love I reserved for him −

And mocked my daughter’s joy. The prepared morning

Blushed at his infidelity; he left

Contempt and scorn to throw upon those friends

Whose belief hurt ’em. O, ’twas most ignoble

To take his flight so unexpectedly,

And throw such public wrongs on those that loved him!

TOMAZO

Then this is all your answer?

VERMANDERO

’Tis too fair

For one of his alliance, and I warn you

That this place no more see you.

Exit

Enter DE FLORES

TOMAZO

The best is,

There is more ground to meet a man’s revenge on. −

Honest De Flores?

DE FLORES

That’s my name indeed.

Saw you the bride? Good sweet sir, which way took she?

TOMAZO

I have blest mine eyes from seeing such a false one.

DE FLORES

[Aside]

I’d fain get off, this man’s not for my company:

I smell his brother’s blood when I come near him.

TOMAZO

Come hither, kind and true one; I remember

My brother loved thee well.

DE FLORES

O purely, dear sir!

[Aside]

− Methinks I am now again a-killing on him,

He brings it so fresh to me.

TOMAZO

Thou canst guess, sirrah −

One honest friend has an instinctN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

of jealousy −

At some foul guilty person?

DE FLORES

’Las, sir, I am so charitable, I think none

Worse than myself. − You did not see the bride then?

TOMAZO

I prithee, name her not. Is she not wicked?

DE FLORES

No, no: a pretty, easy, round-packed sinner,

As your most ladies are (else you might think

I flattered her), but, sir, at no hand wicked

Till th’are so old their chins and noses meet,

And they salute witches. − I am called, I think, sir.

[Aside]

− His company ev’n o’erlays my conscience.

Exit

TOMAZO

That De Flores has a wondrous honest heart;

He’ll bring it out in time, I’m assured on’t.

O, here’s the glorious master of the day’s joy.

’Twill not be long till he and I do reckon.

Enter ALSEMERO

Sir!

ALSEMERO

You are most welcome.

TOMAZO

You may call that word back:

I do not think I am, nor wish to be.

ALSEMERO

’Tis strange you found the way to this house then.

TOMAZO

Would I’d ne’er known the cause! I’m none of those, sir,

That come to give you joy, and swill your wine;

’Tis a more precious liquor that must lay

The fiery thirst I bring.

ALSEMERO

Your words and you

Appear to me great strangers.

TOMAZO

Time and our swords

May make us more acquainted. This the business: −

I should have [had] a brother in your place;

How treachery and malice have disposed of him

I’m bound to enquire of him which holds his right,

Which never could come fairly.

ALSEMERO

You must look

To answer for that word, sir.

TOMAZO

Fear you not;

I’ll have it ready drawn at our next meeting.

Keep your day solemn. Farewell, I disturb it not;

I’ll bear the smart with patience for a time.

Exit

ALSEMERO

’Tis somewhat ominous, this: a quarrel ent’rèd

Upon this day. My innocence relieves me;

Enter JASPERINO

I should be wondrous sad else. − Jasperino,

I have news to tell thee, strange news.

JASPERINO

I ha’ some too,

I think as strange as yours. Would I might keep

Mine, so my faith and friendship might be kept in’t.

Faith, sir, dispense a little with my zeal,

And let it cool in this.

ALSEMERO

This puts me on,

And blames thee for thy slowness.

JASPERINO

All may prove nothing,

Only a friendly fear that leapt from me, sir.

ALSEMERO

No question it may prove nothing; let’s partake it, though.

JASPERINO

’Twas Diaphanta’s chance − for to that wench

I pretend honest love, and she deserves it −

To leave me in a back part of the house,

A place we chose for private conference;

She was no sooner gone but instantly

I heard your bride’s voice in the next room to me

And, lending more attention, found De Flores

Louder than she.

ALSEMERO

De Flores? Thou art out now.

JASPERINO

You’ll tell me more anon.

ALSEMERO

Still I’ll prevent thee;

The very sight of him is poison to her.

JASPERINO

That made me stagger too, but Diaphanta

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At her return confirmed it.

ALSEMERO

Diaphanta!

JASPERINO

Then fell we both to listen, and words passed

Like those that challenge interest in a woman −

ALSEMERO

Peace, quench thy zeal; ’tis dangerous to thy bosom.

JASPERINO

Then truth is full of peril.

ALSEMERO

Such truths are. −

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O, were she the sole glory of the earth,

Had eyes that could shoot fire into kings’ breasts,

And touched, she sleeps not here! Yet I have time,

Though night be near, to be resolved hereof;

And prithee do not weigh me by my passions.

JASPERINO

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I never weighed friend so.

ALSEMERO

Done charitably.

That key will lead thee to a pretty secret,

[Gives key]

By a Chaldean taught me, and I’ve [made]

My study upon some. Bring from my closet

A glass inscribed there with the letter M,

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And question not my purpose.

JASPERINO

It shall be done, sir.

Exit

ALSEMERO

How can this hang together? Not an hour since,

Her woman came pleading her lady’s fears,

Delivered her for the most timorous virgin

That ever shrunk at man’s name, and so modest,

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She charged her weep out her request to me,

That she might come obscurely to my bosom.

Enter BEATRICE

BEATRICE

[Aside]

All things go well. My woman’s preparing yonder

For her sweet voyage, which grieves me to lose;

Necessity compels it, I lose all else.

ALSEMERO

125

[Aside]

Push, modesty’s shrine is set in yonder forehead.

I cannot be too sure, though.

[To her]

− My Joanna!

BEATRICE

Sir, I was bold to weep a message to you;

Pardon my modest fears.

ALSEMERO

[Aside]

The dove’s not meeker.

She’s abused, questionless.

Enter JASPERINO [with glass]

– O, are you come, sir?

BEATRICE

130

[Aside]

The glass, upon my life! I see the letter.

JASPERINO

Sir, this is M.

ALSEMERO

’Tis it.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

I am suspected.

ALSEMERO

How fitly our bride comes to partake with us!

BEATRICE

What is’t, my lord?

ALSEMERO

No hurt.

BEATRICE

Sir, pardon me,

I seldom taste of any composition.

ALSEMERO

135

But this, upon my warrant, you shall venture on.

[Gives her the glass]

BEATRICE

I fear ’twill make me ill.

ALSEMERO

Heaven forbid that.

[Talks apart to JASPERINO]

BEATRICE

[Aside]

I’m put now to my cunning. Th’ effects I know −

If I can now but feign ’em handsomely.

[Drinks]

ALSEMERO

It has that secret virtue it ne’er missed, sir,

140

Upon a virgin.

JASPERINO

Treble-qualitied?

[BEATRICE gapes, then sneezes]

ALSEMERO

By all that’s virtuous, it takes there, proceeds!

JASPERINO

This is the strangest trick to know a maid by.

BEATRICE

Ha, ha, ha!

You have given me joy of heart to drink, my lord.

ALSEMERO

145

[To her]

No, thou hast given me such joy of heart

That never can be blasted.

BEATRICE

What’s the matter, sir?

ALSEMERO

[To JASPERINO]

See, now ’tis settled in a melancholy

Keep[s] both the time and method. –

[To her]

My Joanna,

Chaste as the breath of heaven or morning’s womb

150

That brings the day forth, thus my love encloses thee!

[Embraces her]

Exeunt

[Act IV, Scene iii]

Enter ISABELLA and LOLLIO

ISABELLA

O heaven! Is this the waxing moon?

Does love turn fool, run mad, and all [at] once?

Sirrah, here’s a madman, akin to the fool too,

A lunatic lover.

LOLLIO

No, no! − Not he I brought the letter from?

ISABELLA

Compare his inside with his out, and tell me.

[Gives him the letter]

LOLLIO

The out’s mad, I’m sure of that; I had a taste on’t. [Reads] ‘To the bright Andromeda, chief chambermaid to the Knight of the Sun, at the sight of Scorpio, in the middle

region, sent by the bellows-mender of Aeolus. Pay the post.’ This is stark madness.

ISABELLA

Now mark the inside. [Takes the letter and she reads] ‘Sweet lady, having now cast off this counterfeit cover of a

madman, I appear to your best judgement a true and faithful lover of your beauty.’

LOLLIO

He is mad still.

ISABELLA

‘If any fault you find, chide those perfections in you which have made me imperfect: ’tis the same sun that causeth to

grow and enforceth to wither, −’

LOLLIO

O rogue!

ISABELLA

‘− Shapes and transhapes, destroys and builds again. I come in winter to you, dismantled of my proper ornaments: by the sweet splendour of your cheerful smiles I

spring and live a lover.’

LOLLIO

Mad rascal still!

ISABELLA

‘Tread him not under foot, that shall appear an honour to your bounties. I remain − mad till I speak with you, from whom I expect my cure, yours all, or one beside himself,

Franciscus.’

LOLLIO

You are like to have a fine time on’t. My master and I may give over our professions; I do not think but you can cure fools and madmen faster than we, with little pains too.

ISABELLA

Very likely.

LOLLIO

One thing I must tell you, mistress. You perceive that I am privy to your skill: if I find you minister once and set up the trade, I put in for my thirds; I shall be mad or fool else.

ISABELLA

The first place is thine, believe it, Lollio,

If I do fall −

LOLLIO

I fall upon you.

ISABELLA

So.

LOLLIO

Well, I stand to my venture.

ISABELLA

But thy counsel now: how shall I deal with ’em?

LOLLIO

Why, do you mean to deal with ’em?

ISABELLA

Nay, the fair understanding − how to use ’em.

LOLLIO

Abuse ’em! That’s the way to mad the fool and make a fool of the madman, and then you use ’em kindly.

ISABELLA

’Tis easy. I’ll practice. Do thou observe it.

The key of thy wardrobe.

LOLLIO

There; fit yourself for ’em, and I’ll fit ’em both for you.

[Gives her the key]

ISABELLA

Take thou no further notice than the outside.

Exit

LOLLIO

Not an inch: I’ll put you to the inside.

Enter ALIBIUS

ALIBIUS

Lollio, art there? Will all be perfect, think’st thou?

Tomorrow night, as if to close up the solemnity,

Vermandero expects us.

LOLLIO

I mistrust the madmen most. The fools will do well enough; I have taken pains with them.

ALIBIUS

Tush, they cannot miss. The more absurdity,

The more commends it, so no rough behaviours

Affright the ladies. They are nice things, thou know’st.

LOLLIO

You need not fear, sir; so long as we are there with our commanding pizzles, they’ll be as tame as the ladies them- selves.

ALIBIUS

I will see them once more rehearse before they go.

LOLLIO

I was about it, sir. Look you to the madmen’s morris, and let me alone with the other; there is one or two that I mistrust their fooling; I’ll instruct them, and then they shall rehearse the whole measure.

ALIBIUS

Do so; I’ll see the music prepared. But, Lollio,

By the way, how does my wife brook her restraint?

Does she not grudge at it?

LOLLIO

So, so. She takes some pleasure in the house, she would abroad else. You must allow her a little more length, she’s

kept too short.

ALIBIUS

She shall along to Vermandero’s with us:

That will serve her for a month’s liberty.

LOLLIO

What’s that on your face, sir?

ALIBIUS

Where, Lollio? I see nothing.

LOLLIO

Cry you mercy, sir, ’tis your nose: it showed like the trunk of a young elephant.

ALIBIUS

Away, rascal! I’ll prepare the music, Lollio.

Exit ALIBIUS

LOLLIO

Do, sir, and I’ll dance the whilst. − Tony, where art thou, Tony?

Enter ANTONIO

ANTONIO

Here, cousin. Where art thou?

LOLLIO

Come, Tony, the footmanship I taught you.

ANTONIO

I had rather ride, cousin.

LOLLIO

Ay, a whip take you! But I’ll keep you out. Vault in – look you, Tony: fa, la, la, la, la.

[Dances]

ANTONIO

Fa, la, la, la, la.

[Dances]

LOLLIO

There, an honour.

[Bows]

ANTONIO

Is this an honour, coz?

[Bows]

LOLLIO

Yes, and it please your worship.

ANTONIO

Does honour bend in the hams, coz?

LOLLIO

Marry does it, as low as worship, squireship, nay, yeomanry itself sometimes, from whence it first stiffened. There, rise, a caper.

ANTONIO

Caper after an honour, coz?

LOLLIO

Very proper: for honour is but a caper − rise[s] as fast and

100

high, has a nee or two, and falls to th’ ground again. You can remember your figure, Tony?

Exit

ANTONIO

Yes, cousin; when I see thy figure I can remember mine.

Enter ISABELLA [like a madwoman]

ISABELLA

Hey, how he treads the air!

Shough, shough, t’other way − he burns his wings else!

105

Here’s wax enough below, IcarusN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

− more

Than will be cancellèd these eighteen moons.

[ANTONIO falls]

He’s down, he’s down! What a terrible fall he had!

Stand up, thou son of Cretan Daedalus,

And let us tread the lower labyrinth;

110

I’ll bring thee to the clue.

[Grabs him]

ANTONIO

Prithee, coz, let me alone.

[Rises]

ISABELLA

Art thou not drowned?

About thy head I saw a heap of clouds

Wrapped like a Turkish turban; on thy back

115

A crookt chameleon-coloured rainbow hung

Like a tiara down unto thy hams.

Let me suck out those billows in the belly:

[Kneels and listens]

Hark how they roar and rumble in the straits!

Bless thee from the pirates.

ANTONIO

120

Pox upon you, let me alone!

ISABELLA

Why shouldst thou mount so high as Mercury,

Unless thou hadst reversion of his place?

Stay in the moon with me, Endymion,

And we will rule these wild rebellious waves

125

That would have drowned my love.

ANTONIO

I’ll kick thee if again thou touch me,

Thou wild unshapen antic; I am no fool,

You bedlam!

ISABELLA

But you are, as sure as I am, mad.

Have I put on this habit of a frantic,

130

With love as full of fury to beguile

The nimble eye of watchful jealousy,

And am I thus rewarded?

[Reveals herself]

ANTONIO

Ha, dearest beauty!

ISABELLA

No, I have no beauty now,

Nor never had, but what was in my garments.

135

You a quick-sighted lover? Come not near me!

Keep your caparisons, y’are aptly clad;

I came a feigner, to return stark mad.

Exit

Enter LOLLIO

ANTONIO

Stay, or I shall change conditionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables: “con-di-ti-on”.

And become as you are.

LOLLIO

140

Why, Tony, whither now? Why, fool?

ANTONIO

Whose fool, usher of idiots? You coxcomb!

I have fooled too much.

LOLLIO

You were best be mad another while then.

ANTONIO

So I am, stark mad: I have cause enough,

145

And I could throw the full effects on thee,

And beat thee like a fury!

LOLLIO

Do not, do not! I shall not forbear the gentleman under the fool, if you do − alas, I saw through your fox-skin before now! Come, I can give you comfort. My mistress

150

loves you, and there is as arrant a madman i’ th’ house as you are a fool, your rival, whom she loves not. If after the masque we can rid her of him, you earn her love, she says, and the fool shall ride her.

ANTONIO

May I believe thee?

LOLLIO

155

Yes, or you may choose whether you will or no.

ANTONIO

She’s eased of him; I have a good quarrel on’t.

LOLLIO

Well, keep your old station yet, and be quiet.

ANTONIO

Tell her I will deserve her love.

[Exit]

LOLLIO

And you are like to have your desire.

Enter FRANCISCUS

FRANCISCUS

160

[Sings]

‘Down, down, down a-down a-down’; and then with a horse-thrick

To kick Latona’s forehead, and break her bowstring.

LOLLIO

[Aside] This is t’other counterfeit; I’ll put him out of his humour. [Takes out letter and reads] ‘Sweet lady, having now cast [off] this counterfeit cover of a madman, I appear to your

165

best judgement a true and faithful lover of your beauty.’ This is pretty well for a madman.

FRANCISCUS

Ha! What’s that?

LOLLIO

‘Chide those perfections in you which [have]made me imperfect.’

FRANCISCUS

170

I am discovered to the fool.

LOLLIO

I hope to discover the fool in you, ere I have done with you. ‘Yours all, or one beside himself, Franciscus.’ This madman will end sure.

FRANCISCUS

What do you read, sirrah?

LOLLIO

175

Your destiny, sir. You’ll be hanged for this trick, and another that I know.

FRANCISCUS

Art thou of counsel with thy mistress?

LOLLIO

Next her apron-strings.

FRANCISCUS

Give me thy hand.

LOLLIO

180

Stay, let me put yours in my pocket first. [Puts away the letter] Your hand is true is it not? It will not pick? I partly fear it, because I think it does lie.

FRANCISCUS

Not in a syllable.

LOLLIO

So; if you love my mistress so well as you have handled the matter here, you are like to be cured of your mad-

185

ness.

FRANCISCUS

And none but she can cure it.

LOLLIO

Well, I’ll give you over then, and she shall cast your water next.

FRANCISCUS

Take for thy pains past.

[Gives him money]

LOLLIO

190

I shall deserve more, sir, I hope. My mistress loves you, but must have some proof of your love to her.

FRANCISCUS

There I meet my wishes.

LOLLIO

That will not serve: you must meet her enemy and yours.

FRANCISCUS

He’s dead already!

LOLLIO

195

Will you tell me that, and I parted but now with him?

FRANCISCUS

Show me the man.

LOLLIO

Ay, that’s a right course now: see him before you kill him in any case. And yet it needs not go so far neither. ’Tis but a fool that haunts the house and my mistress in the shape

200

of an idiot. Bang but his fool’s coat well-favouredly, and ’tis well.

FRANCISCUS

Soundly, soundly!

LOLLIO

Only reserve him till the masque be past, and if you find him not now in the dance yourself, I’ll show you. In, in!

205

My master!

[Dances]

FRANCISCUS

He handles him like a feather. Hey!

[Exit dancing]

Enter ALIBIUS

ALIBIUS

Well said. In a readiness, Lollio?

LOLLIO

Yes, sir.

ALIBIUS

Away then, and guide them in, Lollio;

210

Entreat your mistressN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “miss-tr-ess” (like “miss-ter-ess”, with the “r” clearly sounded).

to see this sight.

[Exit LOLLIO]

Hark, is there not one incurable fool

That might be begged? I have friends.

LOLLIO

[Within] I have him for you: one that shall deserve it too.

ALIBIUS

Good boy, Lollio.

[Enter ISABELLA, then LOLLIO with MADMEN and FOOLS]

The MADMEN and FOOLS dance

215

’Tis perfect. Well, fit [we] but once these strains,

We shall have coin and credit for our pains.

Exeunt

Act V [, Scene i]

Enter BEATRICE. A clock strikes one

BEATRICE

One struck, and yet she lies by’t! – O my fears!

This strumpet serves her own ends, ’tis apparent now,

Devours the pleasure with a greedy appetite,

And never minds my honour or my peace,

Makes havoc of my right. But she pays dearly for’t:

No trusting of her life with such a secret,

That cannot rule her blood to keep her promise.

Beside, I have some suspicion of her faith to me,

Because I was suspected of my lord,

And it must come from her. − Hark, by my horrors,

Another clock strikes two.

Strike[s] two

Enter DE FLORES

DE FLORES

Pist, where are you?

BEATRICE

De Flores!

DE FLORES

Ay. Is she not come from him yet?

BEATRICE

As I am a living soul, not.

DE FLORES

Sure the devil

Hath sowed his itch within her. Who would trust

A waiting-woman?

BEATRICE

I must trust somebody.

DE FLORES

Push, they are termagants,

Especially when they fall upon their masters

And have their ladies’ first-fruits; th’are mad whelps,

You cannot stave ’em off from game royal. Then,

You are so harsh and hardy, ask no counsel;

And I could have helped you to a[n] apothecary’s daughter

Would have fall’n off before eleven, and thank[ed] you too.

BEATRICE

O me, not yet? This whore forgets herself.

DE FLORES

The rascal fares so well. Look, y’are undone:

The day-star, by this hand! See Phosphorus plain yonder.

BEATRICE

Advise me now to fall upon some ruin;

There is no counsel safe else.

DE FLORES

Peace! I ha’t now,

For we must force a rising; there’s no remedy.

BEATRICE

How? Take heed of that.

DE FLORES

Tush, be you quiet, or else give over all.

BEATRICE

Prithee, I ha’ done then.

DE FLORES

This is my reach: I’ll set

Some part a-fire of Diaphanta’s chamber.

BEATRICE

How? Fire, sir? That may endanger the whole house.

DE FLORES

You talk of danger when your fame’s on fire?

BEATRICE

That’s true; do what thou wilt now.

DE FLORES

Push, I aim

At a most rich success, strikes all dead sure:

The chimney being a-fire, and some light parcels

Of the least danger in her chamber only,

If Diaphanta should be met by chance then

Far from her lodging (which is now suspicious),

It would be thought her fearsN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as two syllables: “fe-ars” (with the “r” clearly sounded).

and affrights then

Drove her to seek for succour; if not seen

Or met at all, as that’s the likeliest,

For her own shame she’ll hasten towards her lodging.

I will be ready with a piece high-charged,

As ’twere to cleanse the chimney; there, ’tis proper,

But she shall be the mark.

BEATRICE

I’m forced to love thee now,

’Cause thou provid’st so carefully for my honour.

DE FLORES

’Slid, it concerns the safety of us both,

Our pleasure and continuance.

BEATRICE

One word now,

Prithee. How for the servants?

DE FLORES

I’ll dispatch them

Some one way, some another in the hurry

For buckets, hooks, ladders. Fear not you;

The deed shall find its time. − And I’ve thought since

Upon a safe conveyance for the body too.

How this fire purifies wit! Watch you your minute.

BEATRICE

Fear keeps my soul upon’t; I cannot stray from’t.

Enter ALONZO’s ghost

DE FLORES

Ha! what art thou, that tak’st away the light

’Twixt that star and me? I dread thee not;

’Twas but a mist of conscience. − All’s clear again.

Exit

BEATRICE

Who’s that, De Flores? Bless me! It slides by.

[Exit Ghost]

Some ill thing haunts the house; ’t has left behind it

A shivering sweat upon me. I’m afraid now.

This night hath been so tedious! O, this strumpet!

Had she a thousand lives, he should not leave her

Till he had destroyed the last. List! O my terrors!

Struck three o’ clock

Three struck, by Saint Sebastian’s!

[VOICES]

within Fire, fire, fire!

BEATRICE

Already! How rare is that man’s speed!

How heartily he serves me! His face loathes one,

But look upon his care, who would not love him?

The east is not more beauteous than his service.

[VOICES]

within Fire, fire, fire!

Enter DE FLORES; SERVANTS pass over, ring a bell

DE FLORES

Away, dispatch! Hooks, buckets, ladders! That’s well said! −

The fire-bell rings, the chimney works; my charge,

The piece is ready.

Exit

BEATRICE

Here’s a man worth loving! −

Enter DIAPHANTA

O, y’are a jewel!

DIAPHANTA

Pardon frailty, madam;

In troth I was so well I ev’n forgot myself.

BEATRICE

Y’have made trim work.

DIAPHANTA

What?

BEATRICE

Hie quickly to your chamber;

Your reward follows you.

DIAPHANTA

I never made

So sweet a bargain.

Exit

Enter ALSEMERO

ALSEMERO

O my dear Joanna!

Alas, art thou risen too? I was coming,

My absolute treasure.

BEATRICE

When I missed you,

I could not choose but follow.

ALSEMERO

Th’art all sweetness.

The fire is not so dangerous.

BEATRICE

Think you so, sir?

ALSEMERO

I prithee, tremble not; believe me, ’tis not.

Enter VERMANDERO, JASPERINO

VERMANDERO

O, bless my house and me!

ALSEMERO

My lord your father.

Enter DE FLORES with a piece

VERMANDERO

Knave, whither goes that piece?

DE FLORES

To scour the chimney.

Exit

VERMANDERO

O, well said, well said!

That fellow’s good on all occasionsN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables: “o-cca-si-ons”.

BEATRICE

A wondrous necessary man, my lord.

VERMANDERO

He hath a ready wit; he’s worth ’em all, sir.

Dog at house on fire − I ha’ seen him singed ere now.

The piece goes off

Ha, there he goes.

BEATRICE

[Aside]

’Tis done.

ALSEMERO

Come, sweet, to bed now;

Alas, thou wilt get cold.

BEATRICE

Alas, the fear keeps that out!

My heart will find no quiet till I hear

How Diaphanta, my poor woman, fares;

It is her chamber, sir, her lodging chamber.

VERMANDERO

100

How should the fire come there?

BEATRICE

As good a soul as ever lady countenanced,

But in her chamber negligent and heavy.

She ’scaped a ruin twice.

VERMANDERO

Twice?

BEATRICE

Strangely, twice, sir.

VERMANDERO

Those sleepy sluts are dangerous in a house,

105

And they be ne’er so good.

Enter DE FLORES

DE FLORES

Oh, poor virginity!

Thou hast paid dearly for’t.

VERMANDERO

Bless us! What’s that?

DE FLORES

A thing you all knew once − Diaphanta’s burnt.

BEATRICE

My woman! O my woman!

DE FLORES

Now the flames

Are greedy of her: burnt, burnt, burnt to death, sir.

BEATRICE

110

O my presaging soul!

ALSEMERO

Not a tear more!

I charge you by the last embrace I gave you

In bed, before this raised us.

BEATRICE

Now you tie me:

Were it my sister, now she gets no more.

Enter SERVANT

VERMANDERO

How now?

SERVANT

All danger’s past; you may now take

115

Your rests, my lords. The fire is throughly quenched.

Ah, poor gentlewoman, how soon was she stifled!

BEATRICE

De Flores, what is left of her inter,

And we as mourners all will follow her.

I will entreat that honour to my servant

120

Ev’n of my lord himself.

ALSEMERO

Command it, sweetness.

BEATRICE

Which of you spied the fire first?

DE FLORES

’Twas I, madam.

BEATRICE

And took such pains in’t too? A double goodness!

’Twere well he were rewarded.

VERMANDERO

He shall be. −

De Flores, call upon me.

ALSEMERO

And upon me, sir.

Exeunt [all but DE FLORES]

DE FLORES

125

Rewarded? Precious! Here’s a trick beyond me!

I see in all bouts, both of sport and wit,

Always a woman strives for the last hit.

Exit

[Act V, Scene ii]

Enter TOMAZO

TOMAZO

I cannot taste the benefits of life

With the same relish I was wont to do.

Man I grow weary of, and hold his fellowship

A treacherous bloody friendship; and because

I am ignorant in whom my wrath should settle,

I must think all men villains, and the next

I meet, whoe’er he be, the murderer

Of my most worthy brother. – Ha! What’s he?

Enter DE FLORES, passes over the stage

O, the fellow that some call honest De Flores.

But methinks honesty was hard bested

To come there for a lodging − as if a queen

Should make her palace of a pest-house.

I find a contrariety in nature

Betwixt that face and me; the least occasion

Would give me game upon him. Yet he’s so foul,

One would scarce touch [him] with a sword he loved

And made account of; so most deadly venomous,

He would go near to poison any weapon

That should draw blood on him. One must resolve

Never to use that sword again in fight,

In way of honest manhood, that strikes him.

Some river must devour it; ’twere not fit

That any man should find it. – What, again?

Enter DE FLORES

He walks a’ purpose by, sure, to choke me up,

To infect my blood.

DE FLORES

My worthy noble lord!

TOMAZO

Dost offer to come near and breath upon me?

[Strikes him]

DE FLORES

A blow!

[Draws his sword]

TOMAZO

Yea, are you so prepared?

I’ll rather like a soldier die by th’ sword

Then like a politician by thy poison.

[Draws]

DE FLORES

Hold, my lord, as you are honourable.

TOMAZO

All slaves that kill by poison are still cowards.

DE FLORES

[Aside] I cannot strike: I see his brother’s wounds

ErrorMetrica

Fresh bleeding in his eye, as in a crystal.

[To TOMAZO]

I will not question this: I know y’are noble.

[Sheathes his word]

I take my injury with thanks given, sir,

Like a wise lawyerN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “law-y-er” (with the “r” clearly sounded).

, and as a favour

Will wear it for the worthy hand that gave it.

[Aside]

Why this from him, that yesterday appeared

So strangely loving to me?

O, but instinctN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

is of a subtler strain!

Guilt must not walk so near his lodge again –

He came near me now.

Exit

TOMAZO

All league with mankind I renounce for ever

Till I find this murderer. Not so much

As common courtesy but I’ll lock up,

For in the state of ignorance I live in

A brother may salute his brother’s murderer,

And wish good speed to th’villain in a greeting.

Enter VERMANDERO, ALIBIUS, and ISABELLA

VERMANDERO

Noble Piracquo!

TOMAZO

Pray keep on your way, sir;

I’ve nothing to say to you.

VERMANDERO

Comforts bless you, sir.

TOMAZO

I have forsworn compliment; in troth I have, sir.

As you are merely man, I have not left

A good wish for you, nor [for] any here.

VERMANDERO

Unless you be so far in love with grief

You will not part from’t upon any terms,

We bring that news will make a welcome for us.

TOMAZO

What news can that be?

VERMANDERO

Throw no scornful smile

Upon the zeal I bring you; ’tis worth more, sir.

Two of the chiefest men I kept about me

I hide not from the law, or your just vengeance.

TOMAZO

Ha!

VERMANDERO

To give your peace more ample satisfaction,

Thank these discoverers.

TOMAZO

If you bring that calm,

Name but the manner I shall ask forgiveness in

For that contemptuous smile [I threw] upon you:

I’ll perfectN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the first syllable.

it with reverence that belongs

Unto a sacred altar.

[Kneels]

VERMANDERO

Good sir, rise.

Why, now you overdo as much a’ this hand,

As you fell short a’ t’ other. − Speak, Alibius.

ALIBIUS

’Twas my wife’s fortune − as she is most lucky

At a discovery – to find out lately

Within our hospital of fools and madmen

Two counterfeits slipped into these disguises;

Their names, Franciscus and Antonio.

VERMANDERO

Both mine, sir, and I ask no favour for ’em.

ALIBIUS

Now that which draws suspicion to their habits:

The time of their disguisings agrees justly

With the day of the murder.

TOMAZO

O blest revelation!

VERMANDERO

Nay more, nay more, sir − I’ll not spare mine own

In way of justice − they both feigned a journey

To Bramata, and so wrought out their leaves;

My love was so abused in’t.

TOMAZO

Time’s too precious

To run in waste now. You have brought a peace

The riches of five kingdoms could not purchase.

Be my most happy conduct. I thirst for ’em:

Like subtle lightning will I wind about ’em,

And melt their marrow in ’em.

Exeunt

[Act V, Scene iii]

Enter ALSEMERO and JASPERINO

JASPERINO

Your confidence, I’m sure, is now of proof.

The prospect from the gardenN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “ga-r-den” (like “ga-er-den”, with the “r” clearly sounded).

has showed

Enough for deep suspicion.

ALSEMERO

The black mask

That so continually was worn upon’t

Condemns the face for ugly ere’t be seen −

Her despite to him, and so seeming bottomless.

JASPERINO

Touch it home then. ’Tis not a shallow probe

Can search this ulcer soundly: I fear you’ll find it

Full of corruptionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables: “co-rrup-ti-on”.

. − ’Tis fit I leave you.

She meets you opportunely from that walk;

She took the back door at his parting with her.

Exit JASPERINO

ALSEMERO

Did my fate wait for this unhappy stroke

At my first sight of woman? – She is here.

Enter BEATRICE

BEATRICE

Alsemero!

ALSEMERO

How do you?

BEATRICE

How do I?

Alas, [sir], how do you? You look not well.

ALSEMERO

You read me well enough. I am not well.

BEATRICE

Not well, sir? Is’t in my power to better you?

ALSEMERO

Yes.

BEATRICE

Nay, then y’are cured again.

ALSEMERO

Pray resolve me one question, lady.

BEATRICE

If I can.

ALSEMERO

None can so sure. Are you honest?

BEATRICE

Ha, ha, ha! That’s a broad question, my lord.

ALSEMERO

But that’s not a modest answer, my lady.

Do you laugh? My doubts are strong upon me.

BEATRICE

’Tis innocence that smiles, and no rough brow

Can take away the dimple in her cheek.

Say I should strain a tear to fill the vault,

Which would you give the better faith to?

ALSEMERO

’Twere but hypocrisy of a sadder colour,

But the same stuff. Neither your smiles nor tears

Shall move or flatter me from my belief:

You are a whore.

BEATRICE

What a horrid sound it hath!

It blasts a beauty to deformity;

Upon what face soever that breath falls,

It strikes it ugly. O, you have ruined

What you can ne’er repair again!

ALSEMERO

I’ll all demolish, and seek out truth within you,

If there be any left. Let your sweet tongue

Prevent your heart’s rifling; there I’ll ransack

And tear out my suspicionN

Nota del editor

pronounced as four syllables: “su-spi-ci-on”.

BEATRICE

You may, sir,

’Tis an easy passage. Yet if you please,

Show me the ground whereon you lost your love.

My spotless virtue may but tread on that

Before I perish.

ALSEMERO

Unanswerable!

A ground you cannot stand on: you fall down

Beneath all grace and goodness when you set

Your ticklish heel on it. There was a visor

O’er that cunning face, and that became you;

Now impudence in triumph rides upon’t.

How comes this tender reconcilement else

’Twixt you and your despite, your rancorous loathing,

De Flores? He that your eye was sore at sight of,

He’s now become your arm’s supporter, your

Lips’ saint!

BEATRICE

Is there the cause?

ALSEMERO

Worse; your lust’s devil,

Your adultery!

BEATRICE

Would any but yourself say that,

’Twould turn him to a villain.

ALSEMERO

It was witnessed

By the counsel of your bosom, Diaphanta.

BEATRICE

Is your witness dead then?

ALSEMERO

’Tis to be feared

It was the wages of her knowledge. Poor soul,

She lived not long after the discovery.

BEATRICE

Then hear a story of not much less horror

Than this your false suspicion is beguiled with.

To your bed’s scandal, I stand up innocence,

Which even the guilt of one black other deed

Will stand for proof of: yourN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with two syllables: “yo-ur” (with the “r” clearly sounded).

love has made me

A cruel murd’ress.

ALSEMERO

Ha!

BEATRICE

A bloody one;

I have kissed poison for it, stroked a serpent:

That thing of hate − worthy in my esteem

Of no better employment, and him most worthy

To be so employed − I caused to murder

That innocent Piracquo, having no

Better means than that worst, to assure

Yourself to me.

ALSEMERO

O, the place itself e’er since

Has crying been for vengeanceN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as three syllables: “ven-ge-ance”.

: the temple

Where blood and beauty first unlawfully

Fired their devotionN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as four syllables: “de-vo-ti-on”.

, and quenched the right one;

’Twas in my fears at first, ’twill have it now:

O, thou art all deformed!

BEATRICE

Forget not, sir,

It for your sake was done. Shall greater dangers

Make the less welcome?

ALSEMERO

O, thou shouldst have gone

A thousand leagues about to have avoided

This dangerous bridge of blood! Here we are lost.

BEATRICE

Remember I am true unto your bed.

ALSEMERO

The bed itself’s a charnel, the sheets shrouds

For murdered carcasses. It must ask pause

What I must do in this. Meantime you shall

Be my prisoner only. Enter my closet;

Exit BEATRICE [into closet]

I’ll be your keeper yet. − O, in what part

Of this sad story shall I first begin? – Ha!

Enter DE FLORES

This same fellow has put me in. – De Flores?

DE FLORES

Noble Alsemero!

ALSEMERO

I can tell you

News, sir. My wife has her commended to you.

DE FLORES

That’s news indeed, my lord; I think she would

Commend me to the gallows if she could,

She ever loved me so well. I thank her.

ALSEMERO

What’s this blood upon your band, De Flores?

DE FLORES

Blood? No, sure; ’twas washed since.

ALSEMERO

Since when, man?

DE FLORES

Since t’other day I got a knock

In a sword-and-dagger school; I think ’tis out.

ALSEMERO

Yes, ’tis almost out, but ’tis perceived though. −

100

I had forgot my message. This it is:

What price goes murder?

DE FLORES

How, sir?

ALSEMERO

I ask you, sir.

My wife’s behindhand with you, she tells me,

For a brave bloody blow you gave for her sake

Upon Piracquo.

DE FLORES

Upon? ’Twas quite through him, sure.

105

Has she confessed it?

ALSEMERO

As sure as death to both of you,

And much more than that.

DE FLORES

It could not be much more:

’Twas but one thing, and that she is a whore.

ALSEMERO

I[t] could not choose but follow. O cunning devils!

How should blind men know you from fair-faced saints?

BEATRICE

110

within

He lies, the villain does belie me!

DE FLORES

Let me go to her, sir.

ALSEMERO

Nay, you shall to her. –

Peace, crying crocodile, your sounds are heard!

Take your prey to you. − Get you into her, sir.

Exit DE FLORES [into closet]

I’ll be your pander now: rehearse again

115

Your scene of lust, that you may be perfectN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

When you shall come to act it to the black audience

Where howls and gnashings shall be music to you.

Clip your adult’ress freely − ’tis the pilot

Will guide you to the Mare Mortuum,

120

Where you shall sink to fathoms bottomless.

Enter VERMANDERO, ALIBIUS, ISABELLA, TOMAZO, FRANCISCUS, and ANTONIO

VERMANDERO

O Alsemero, I have a wonder for you.

ALSEMERO

No, sir, ’tis I, I have a wonder for you.

VERMANDERO

I have suspicion near as proof itself

For Piracquo’s murder.

ALSEMERO

Sir, I have proof

125

Beyond suspicion for Piracquo’s murder.

VERMANDERO

Beseech you, hear me. These two have been disguised

E’er since the deed was done.

ALSEMERO

I have two other

That were more close disguised than your two could be,

E’er since the deed was done.

VERMANDERO

130

You’ll hear me − these mine own servants −

ALSEMERO

Hear me − those nearer than your servants,

That shall acquit them, and prove them guiltless.

FRANCISCUS

That may be done with easy truth, sir.

TOMAZO

How is my cause bandied through your delays!

135

’Tis urgent in [my] blood, and calls for haste:

Give me a brother alive or dead −

Alive, a wife with him; if dead, for both

A recompense, for murder and adultery.

BEATRICE

within

O, O, O!

ALSEMERO

Hark! ’Tis coming to you.

DE FLORES

140

within

Nay, I’ll along for company.

BEATRICE

within

O, O!

VERMANDERO

What horrid sounds are these?

ALSEMERO

Come forth, you twins of mischief!

Enter DE FLORES bringing in BEATRICE [wounded]

DE FLORES

Here we are. If you have any more

To say to us, speak quickly; I shall not

145

Give you the hearing else. I am so stout yet,

And so, I think, that broken rib of mankind.

VERMANDERO

An host of enemies ent’rèd my citadel

Could not amaze like this. Joanna! Beatrice! Joanna!

BEATRICE

O come not near me, sir; I shall defile you.

150

I am that of your blood was taken from you

For your better health. Look no more upon’t,

But cast it to the ground regardlessly;

Let the common sewer take it from distinction.

Beneath the stars, upon yon meteor

[Pointing to DE FLORES]

155

Even hung my fate, ’mongst things corruptible;

I ne’er could pluck it from him. My loathing

Was prophet to the rest, but ne’er believed;

Mine honour fell with him, and now my life. −

Alsemero, I am a stranger to your bed:

160

Your bed was coz’nèd on the nuptial night,

For which your false bride died.

ALSEMERO

Diaphanta!

DE FLORES

Yes; and the while I coupled with your mate

At barley-break. Now we are left in hell.

VERMANDERO

We are all there; it circumscribes [us] here.

DE FLORES

165

I loved this woman in spite of her heart;

Her love I earned out of Piracquo’s murder.

TOMAZO

Ha! My brother’s murderer!

DE FLORES

Yes, and her honour’s prize

Was my reward, I thank life for nothingN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

But that pleasure; it was so sweet to me

170

That I have drunk up all, left none behind

For any man to pledge me.

VERMANDERO

Horrid villain!

Keep life in him for further tortures.

DE FLORES

No: −

I can prevent you, here’s my penknife still.

It is but one thread more,

[Stabs himself]

− and now ’tis cut.

175

Make haste, Joanna, by that token to thee

Canst not forget, so lately put in mind;

I would not go to leave thee far behind.

Dies

BEATRICE

Forgive me, Alsemero, all forgive!

’Tis time to die, when ’tis a shame to live.

Dies

VERMANDERO

180

O, my name is ent’rèd now in that recordN

Nota del editor

Pronounced with stress on the second syllable.

Where till this fatal hour ’twas never read.

ALSEMERO

Let it be blotted out; let your heart lose it,

And it can never look you in the face,

Nor tell a tale behind the back of life

185

To your dishonour. Justice hath so right

The guilty hit, that innocence is quit

By proclamation, and may joy again.

Sir, you are sensible of what truth hath done;

’Tis the best comfort that your grief can find.

TOMAZO

190

[To VERMANDERO]

Sir, I am satisfied; my injuries

Lie dead before me. I can exact no more,

Unless my soul were loose, and could o’ertake

Those black fugitives, that are fled from thence,

[Pointing to the bodies]

To take a second vengeance. But there are wraths

195

Deeper than mine, ’tis to be feared, about ’em.

ALSEMERO

What an opacous body had that moon

That last changed on us! Here’s beauty changed

To ugly whoredom; here, servant-obedience

To a master-sin, imperious murder;

200

I, a supposed husband, changed embraces

With wantonness, but that was paid before;

[To TOMAZO]

Your change is come too, from an ignorant wrath

To knowing friendship. Are there any more on’s?

ANTONIO

Yes, sir, I was changed too, from a little ass as I was to a

205

great fool as I am; and had like to ha’ been changed to the gallows but that you know my innocence always excuses me.

FRANCISCUS

I was changed from a little wit to be stark mad,

Almost for the same purpose.

ISABELLA

[To ALIBIUS]

Your change is still behind,

210

But deserve best your transformationN

Nota del editor

Pronounced as five syllables: “trans-for-ma-ti-on”.

You are a jealous coxcomb, keep schools of folly,

And teach your scholars how to break your own head.

ALIBIUS

I see all apparent, wife, and will change now

Into a better husband, and never keep

215

Scholars that shall be wiser then myself.

ALSEMERO

[To VERMANDERO]

Sir, you have yet a son’s duty living;

Please you, accept it. Let that your sorrow,

As it goes from your eye, go from your heart.

Man and his sorrow at the grave must part.

EPILOGUE

ALSEMERO

All we can do, to comfort one another,

To stay a brother’s sorrow for a brother,

To dry a child from the kind father’s eyes,

Is to no purpose; it rather multiplies.

Your only smiles have power to cause re-live

The dead again, or in their rooms to give

Brother a new brother, father a child;

If these appear, all griefs are reconciled.

Exeunt OMNES

Thomas Middleton Middleton, Thomas

The Changeling

Act I [, Scene i]

[Act I, Scene II]

Act II [, Scene i]

[Act II, Scene ii]

Act III [, Scene i]

[Act III, Scene ii]

[Act III, Scene iii]

[Act III, Scene iv]

Act IV [, Scene i]

[Act IV, Scene ii]

[Act IV, Scene iii]

Act V [, Scene i]

[Act V, Scene ii]

[Act V, Scene iii]

EPILOGUE

FINIS